How to overcome the feeling of loneliness by connecting with others

The feeling of loneliness is one of the forms of discomfort most seen and addressed in psychotherapy consultations. Sometimes it appears in people who suffer mainly because of their difficulties meeting people or making deep emotional connections and satisfactory: in other cases, this feeling is a consequence of a psychological disorder that makes it difficult to relate well with the the rest.

In any case, it is not necessary to suffer from psychopathology so that feeling lonely should be seen as a serious problem. Therefore, in this article We will see several strategies to connect with others and deal with the feeling of loneliness.

• Related article: "Major Depression: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment"

Being alone is not the same as feeling alone

Let's start by defining the problem: what is the feeling of loneliness? In this case, we are talking about a set of negative emotions and feelings (that is, associated displeasure) that persist in a person's day-to-day life and have to do with their

dissatisfaction with the quality and / or quantity of emotionally significant personal relationships. That is, although in certain specific situations we may "feel alone" (such as, for example, when going in the morning to meditate at a forest), in this case we are talking about an experience that shapes how a person experiences her life in its entirety, and that produces discomfort.

Thus, it should be noted that feeling lonely or is the same as being alone, if not surrounding yourself with many people on a frequent basis. There are those who are perfectly happy with hardly any interaction with other human beings, and there are those who feel lonely despite being very popular. The main criterion to define what it is to feel alone is provided by oneself, and is unique in each individual.

Thus, we conclude that while being alone does not always have to be negative, feeling lonely is generally a problem that produces a greater or lesser level of dissatisfaction. Let's see what to do to remedy it.

What to do when faced with the feeling of loneliness?

These are several key ideas to keep in mind when dealing with the feeling of loneliness.

1. Take the problem for what it is

Many people who suffer from the feeling of loneliness fall into the trap of believing that this is the way of life to which they are condemned, something irremediable and that has to do with their identity and their form of being. Seen with perspective it is irrational, but it must be borne in mind that after many past experiences in which it has felt frustration, disappointment, sadness and ultimately dissatisfaction with personal relationships, it is "easy" to get carried away by this idea.

So the first thing to do to overcome the feeling of loneliness is become aware that no one is predestined to suffer because of it. It is a problem (not a condemnation) to which solutions can be found, and we cannot let that pessimism lead us to self-sabotage or not even try to improve our situation.

2. To look for help

Seeking help is on the one hand an effective measure to get to know people and / or strengthen ties, and on the other, it is a declaration of intent: It makes no sense to consider overcoming loneliness if we are going to be hiding our feelings and vulnerabilities.

Of course, that does not mean trying to emotionally kidnap others by giving them pity (something that does nothing good to either party. involved), but give relevant information about us and our psychological state, and explore possible solutions together, having support.

Depending on the degree of discomfort that this feeling of loneliness produces, it is advisable to go beyond asking family and friends for help and go to psychological therapy. In this way, a professional will address your case in a personalized way and will commit to providing improvement tools emotional management and socialization and communication strategies, and with keeping track of your progress. In addition, psychotherapy may be what you need to treat possible psychological disorders associated with loneliness: depression, social phobia, etc.

• You may be interested in: "How to find a psychologist to attend therapy: 8 tips"

3. Exploiting the potential of the Internet

Today, the Internet makes it possible to meet and befriend people from almost every part of the world. Platforms such as social networks, forums or websites for specific hobbyists are a medium in which thousands of people establish relationships every day. Also, not having to start a face-to-face conversation from the beginning makes things much easier as well. such as having profiles in which we can read and write about the interests and the way of being of each one.

Of course, be sure to put limits on your use of these digital platforms so that they do not absorb most of your free time or prevent you from having access to face-to-face relationships.

4. Take care of your physical and mental health

Taking care of yourself will not only allow you to have a better image; what's more, It will give you confidence in yourself and it will reinforce your skills in managing your emotions, something very important when establishing and maintaining functional personal relationships. So get enough sleep, maintain a good level of personal hygiene, stay in shape by exercising frequently, and eat well.

5. Be intellectually active

Exposing yourself to culture will help you not only to know better the society in which you live, but also to know other points of view and to have more possibilities of finding common ground with the rest.

6. Listen and care for others

Leaving the feeling of loneliness behind is not just about letting others satisfy your needs to connect with someone; It is a two-way process in which both of you contribute and you can feel useful. So make sure you are there when others need you, show an interest in understanding their points of view, and embrace the principles of active listening. Only if you notice that they demand a lot more from you than they contribute, consider breaking with that dynamic.

Are you interested in psychotherapy services?

If you are considering starting a psychotherapy process and you are interested in having the help of mental health professionals, we invite you to contact us.

On Advance Psychologists We have been treating patients for more than 20 years, and we currently offer our services to individual patients of any age, as well as families and couples. We work in the areas of psychotherapy, couple or family therapy, psychiatry, neuropsychology and coaching, and the sessions can be carried out in person at our center in Madrid or through therapy on-line.

Bibliographic references:

• Jaremka, L.M.; Fagundes, C.P.; Glaser, R.; Bennett, J.M.; Malarkey, W.B.; Kiecolt-Glaser, J.K. (2013). Loneliness predicts pain, depression, and fatigue: Understanding the role of immune dysregulation. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 38 (8): pp. 1310 - 1307.
• Karnick, P.M. (2005). Feeling lonely: Theoretical perspectives. Nursing science quarterly. SAGE Journals.
• Larson, R.; Csikszentmihalyi, M.; Graef, R. (1982). Time alone in daily experience: Loneliness or renewal?. In Peplau, Letitia Anne; Perlman, Daniel. Loneliness: A sourcebook of current theory, research and therapy. New York: John Wiley and Sons. pp. 41 - 53.
• Scalise, J.J., Ginter, E.J., Gerstein, L.H. (1984). Multidimensional loneliness measure: the loneliness rating scale (LRS). Journal of Personality. Taylor & Francis.
• Stravynski, A.; Boyer, R. (2001). Loneliness in Relation to Suicide Ideation and Parasuicide: A Population-Wide Study. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, 31 (1): pp. 32 - 40.