How to get your ex back, 3 keys you should know

Throughout our lives we have all experienced one or more courtships that, unfortunately, do not always end well. And all of us who have experienced a couple breakup know how difficult it is to let go of a person we love.

Heartbreak can affect us so deeply that we can suffer an existential crisis, in which we question our own values ​​and that can last for months and even years. It is not easy to leave behind that person we have come to love so intensely and with whom we thought we would share the rest of our lives.

After a couple breakup, many people decide to continue with their lives and others try to get back with their ex. If you are in this situation and you opt for the second option, you must be clear that Trying to get back with our ex-partner should never be for fear of being alone, for emotional dependence or because of low self-esteem, and it should always happen and when we are good with ourselves.

• Related article: "The stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"

After the breakup: to go back or not to go back with our ex?

Separating from that special someone for us involves going through a grieving process, so we must overcome several phases before regaining emotional stability again. When we lose our lover, we also lose the common goals that united us and we leave behind many memories, some of them keep making an appearance in our minds over and over again after the person has left our life.

The breakup of a couple usually appears in the form of a blow to us, especially if they have left us. And in the first days after the breakup, denial or love withdrawal syndrome are frequent. Over time, we can accept the situation and move on with our lives, but that does not happen overnight.

The “dropouts” may have it easier when it comes to overcoming a couple breakup, because they usually start the grieving process before leaving the relationship, although they also suffer and may experience guilt at some point in the heartbreak process. However, they usually have a reason that drives them to end the relationship, and although there are cases in which the person who leaves regrets doing so, from the outset is usually aware that something is wrong in their courtship or marriage.

But… Is a breakup an end to forever? Although the breakup of a couple may give rise to think that everything is over and that everything is lost, this is not true! Some couples re-experience love after they have separated.

And why is this happening? For many causes. For example, because human beings are complex and, sometimes, we can end a relationship when there is still a feeling of love between two people, due to a simple discussion that has been handled incorrectly or because in the distance we can value something that we did not value at the time.

• You may be interested: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons"

Reasons to return or not to return with the ex-partner

After the breakup, you may consider the possibility of getting back with your ex. However, you should know that this is not always possible and it does not always depend on you. Also, when it comes to assess the possibility of getting back with your exYou must take into account a series of advantages or disadvantages of reliving the love you had with that person you consider special to you.

Advantages of getting back with your ex

Some of the advantages of getting back together with your ex are:

• You already know each other and there has already been an emotional connection between you. If at the time you valued positive aspects of you, when you re-establish a relationship with that person without conflict, that intense feeling called "love" may reappear.
• Second chances can go well if we learn from the past.
• If you learn from mistakesIt can be a much more mature relationship.
• After a breakup, the bond can be stronger as you realize how much you love each other.
• It can benefit your children, if you have any.
• If a good connection exists again, you are not left with the feeling of not having tried again.

Disadvantages of getting back with your ex

Getting back with your ex also has downsides. These are some of them:

• After leaving it, the relationship may not be the same anymore and the feeling that united you is hidden behind resentment or disappointment. If respect is lost, then it is difficult to regain it.
• If you've tried multiple times, getting back with your ex may be keeping you from growing up.
• You close the door to meet someone new for not ending this stage of your life.
• The damage can be greater when you try to get back with your ex over and over again. Sometimes a withdrawal on time is better.
• You may try to get back together with your ex because, despite knowing that he doesn't suit you, you don't have the strength to leave him.

How to get your ex back

Getting back with your ex is a controversial issue, which must be assessed individually, depending on the characteristics of each relationship, and it should only be a possibility when there is respect and the relationship between the two is fair and healthy.

Sometimes relationships end because of communication failures. This indicates that it is possible to recover that love or feeling that she united to the couple as long as the break was not traumatic.

If you think the relationship with your ex was worth it and you don't want that relationship to end. You can take into account some of these keys to get your ex back.

1. Be critical of yourself and the relationship

First of all, you need to be critical of the reasons for the breakup and if you had something to do with it. For example, if your partner complained that you were unloving and you think he is right, you can take that into account if he gives you a chance to remedy it.

On the occasions when you are the culprit, you can try to repair the situation. Now, if your ex does not want to be with you for some reason outside of you and tells you explicitly (for example, he is with someone else), you should not try to get it back.

2. Returning is not only up to you

When it comes to getting your ex back, you must be clear that this situation does not only depend on you. You cannot make a person love you if he wants to be away from you, because if he has no intention of going back to you, you can endanger your dignity and increase the conflict between you.

If your ex gives you signs to come back, take advantage of that opportunity. But if he makes it clear that he doesn't want anything with you, don't insist. In these cases it is better to accept it and move on with your life.

3. Work on you

As you can see, whether they love you not only depends on you, and whether a person considers you attractive or not either. What does depend on you is to work on your personal growth and maximize your attractiveness. It may be that over time the other person will see that you have changed (if you should). If the flame is really still alive between you, you will not need to do anything special to get back with your ex, because he or she will want to reconnect with you for who you are, for the affection that unites you, for how good it feels by your side and for what you you contribute.

Working on your personal growth will have a great impact on your self-esteem. If you want to know how to work on your personal growth, you can read our article: "Personal growth: how to transform your life in 6 steps"