Suffering, Guilt, Isolation and Death

Have you ever considered that life seems like a chain of painful situations? How often do you hear someone say that Life is difficult and unfair, that only the strongest survive?

Well, surely they are not few; and perhaps, you can question some of them soon, which is why I share this reflection designed to be useful in such circumstances.

• Related article: "Existential crisis: when we do not find meaning in our life"

Tragic situations

Tragic circumstances in life, such as lack of time, suffering, or death, they are often a reason to flee when it comes to facing and accepting them, looking for multiple ways (increasingly perplexing and radical) to avoid them.

However, sometimes it will not be possible to escape from them, as they are an inherent part of our humanity and before them we must respond and position ourselves.

Viktor frankl said that each age has its own psychopathology and psychotherapy, and today it seems that psychopathologies reflect increasingly intense attempts to avoid being aware of our vulnerability.

The uncertainty of decision-making, the precipice of the radical emptiness of our freedom and finitude... This dizzying malaise is known as senselessness or existential emptiness.

And it is that, throughout our history as humanity, the most overwhelming and distressing existential questions are permeated with any of these tragedies or extreme situations, which are not an invention of eminent philosophers, doctors or psychologists, but rather they are evidence of our existential condition.

In this section I will point out some of them, but I clarify that they are not the only ones; My purpose is to begin a reflection on a subject that, however disconcerting, can only be look at oneself in spaces of time, but its reflection can change the configuration of our Life in whole. We focus then on: Suffering, Guilt, Isolation and of course Death.

1. The suffering

Let's start with the suffering. It is considered as a specific capacity of the human being, since only this can account for conscious way of what motivates feeling pain (understand pain not only as sensation physical).

Suffering permeates our consciousness from the various dimensions that constitute it; for example, from our physical dimension, with organic ailments or an inevitable disease, and from our psychic dimension, with the feeling and expression of intense emotions such as fear or sadness, but also of our spiritual dimension, where our consciousness is confronted with dilemmas and tragic situations in life (for example, becoming aware of the inevitable death of our beings dear).

Although, in addition to the expression from our anthropological constitution, there is also another important dimension of our human suffering; By this I mean the historical and social context: poverty, inequality, segregation, violence, among many more.

Suffering implies acceptance of reality in the face of any of its expressions and limitations. Curiously, it allows us to continue in a world that, despite the devastating experiences, allows a free attitude to face the circumstances, here we appeal to the maximum freedom that characterizes us as beings humans.

It seems that suffering can be a kind of reminder, not only of our vulnerability and finitude, but also of the aptitudes and capacities that we make up, because in extreme situations of our existence we have the inescapable but necessary invitation to dare to suffer for what was valuable and significant; in short, “what is worth suffering for”.

As can be seen, the expression "sufferable" has two connotations: andl valuable suffering and unnecessary or neurotic. Neurotic suffering is one that lacks values ​​and meaning of a "why" to feel it, it is repetitive, compulsive and without a clear purpose.

On the other hand, valuable suffering is sustained by values. But I am not talking about moral or social values, but about personal values, what is valuable to you (convictions that give your life meaning, and clarify what your pain is worth and suffering). I know that the above sounds simple and even poetic, however, it is anything but pleasant to experience it, but it is essential not to forget how necessary it is, not only for what motivates such suffering, but mainly because it has a purpose, a meaning, and it is the task of each one of us to be able to answer that question that seems to pose us in the face of each challenge, a “to what to suffer ”.

Let's not forget that We are not only beings from knowledge, but we are also suffering beings and the integration into consciousness of these experiences is what allows us to know ourselves as human beings.

When suffering has a meaning, it requires our humanization, and only the expression of it honors those experiences, people, feelings and circumstances that were worth being lived; When something of them causes pain, allowing yourself to feel it is to honor them with full awareness that their experience was important, and when you are Valuable experiences and links cease to be or to be, it is worth meaning and value them despite the pain on unbearable occasions that they may to provoke.

2. The blame

On the other hand, guilt is also a characteristic of our humanity; it shows us as fallible, imperfect and incomplete beings.

As I explained at the beginning, human beings have the possibility of constructing and designing our destiny based on our freedom and responsibility, through our so-called decisions. The fault is the result of acting incongruously from our freedomIt is a free decision and therefore inexcusable and unchangeable.

Guilt is one more face of suffering, but it is caused by one's own choices. It reminds us of our finitude but also how fallible our actions can be. In addition, it has the consequence of paying more attention to our past, disconnecting ourselves from the here and now and of course from our project for the sake of a immediate future, exerting destructive, unnecessary and cyclical actions on the being that suffers from this extreme situation that only increases the feeling of culpability.

3. Isolation

curiously guilt is self-destructive when not channeled and by avoiding facing it, it intensifies, leading the person to existential isolation, moving away from the world, since the vicious circle of guilt is rooted in a truth that is sometimes not shared or expressed.

However, guilt also enables our consciousness, since it allows us to observe the capacity that human beings have to respond to life, allowing greater responsibility for our freedom in the world; This awareness can be obtained from repentance and to mend the damage caused.

4. Death

Now, it is necessary to mention a third situation and perhaps the most tragic to which we are condemned, death. Related to it is the biggest question that life has thrown at human beings, and so far it is a personal task to provide an answer (or not) to this questioning of our existence.

Is death the permanent conclusion of our physical and psychic dimension as well as of the spiritual expression of the human being? To see it that way would be to say that we are beings designed to die; however, it seems to me that rather, we are beings "despite death", because it is from the very possibility of knowing ourselves to be mortal, that we take an attitude towards it, is the maximum expression of our conception of the world.

He is human and it is part of his ability to respond, to be able to choose how to live, but also the way in which he is human will mean the death of him and others, because from this point of view, each one will be responsible for discovering his own death.

The above leads me to reflect on the importance of not forgetting to give our finitude a meaning of its own in order to reveal our meaning in life. These are questions that go hand in hand with the answer that we offer them, since a life that lacks a direction towards a “where” we want to go and a “why” we must go, it only makes no sense and its gritty sustenance is only empty.

Death has an essential value for each one of us, because, if this relationship did not exist, if we were not finite beings, it would not be necessary to demand ourselves to answer the questions that life itself throws at us, because we would have infinite time to attend to them. However, the fact that this is not the case is what allows life itself to provide it with meaningful responses.

The challenge of uncertainty

If all of the above does not seem tragic enough, I must clarify and remember that all the elements that we have seen are impregnated with a much more attached tragedy: uncertainty.

Although we know that each and everyone, at least once in life, will face each of the tragic situations of our existence (at least those indicated here), it is impossible to know when, where, how, why and the what. The only thing that we can be clear about is that there is less and less for their arrival.

If life is this overwhelming and tragic, Is there a solution or alternative that allows us to face this reality in a better way? I know that I have shared dark and hard aspects (especially when they are all in the same analysis) about what motivates a person to face their circumstances; It seems important to me that we do not forget that life is also sometimes dark and painful, but despite this it is worth living.

And such an analysis on my part arises considering that, from my professional experience, many consultants do not come in search of psychological or psychiatric help professional motivated only by a problem to which they cannot find a solution, but also, many have arrived motivated by the intense anguish resulting from the taking in awareness of their finiteness, their pain, their vulnerability and mainly of the complexity that unanswered questions mean and before which they must answer.

This situation is complicated when the querent confuses the tension and dilemma of their existence as synonymous with illness or discomfort, because on occasions, the symptoms with which this experience is usually accompanied is confused with the clinical criteria of the so-called psychopathologies.

For this reason, it is essential to carry out an adequate and personalized analysis that allows identifying what motivates these modes of expression, clarifying both the psychological manifestations (such as exacerbated emotions, abrupt changes in habits, anxiety, rigidity of thought, etc.) as well as symptoms psychosomatics that manifest throughout the body (for example, changes in sleeping habits, tremors, joint pain, gastrointestinal discomfort, or fatigue, among others); they are part of the indicators that are often confused with some type of disorder.

If the symptoms are the reason for such questioning and extreme situations that lead us to question our existence, they are not necessarily part of a psychopathologyOn the contrary, they can be the immediate and authentic expression of our consciousness. However, it is important to attend and work on these manifestations due to how disabling they can be, and also allow a coping with the reality of deep, careful and safe way that enables an existential attitude that fosters the ability to respond, allowing improvement in the quality of life of the person.

As a clinical psychologist and philosopher, I consider and verify that it is a privilege of our profession to try to look beyond what is visible to people. eyes, to be able to try to allow ourselves with openness and humility to approach the most human experience of each one and one of our consultants, and of achieve it. Their experiences fill us with vital meaning before our own decisions; Despite the tragedy, they endow our existence with humanity. The privilege is to have the permission and trust of that person who suffers, by allowing us to accompany and discover together the experience that such circumstances confer on their existence.

Are you willing to allow yourself to live the experience of analyzing your existence despite its tragic constants?