Educating children from the family: 7 key ideas

Educating children during their childhood is always something complex; there are many things to take into account, and it is evident that babies do not arrive with an instruction manual.

In fact, there are several patterns of behavior and thinking of children that are particular to that age group. Therefore, unless we make an effort to understand them, their upbringing becomes very complicated.

• Related article: "Educational psychology: definition, concepts and theories"

7 tips for educating children from the family context

As a parent and as a clinical psychologist with more than 25 years of experience, I have seen that many families tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again in relation to the education of young children in the family environment.

In fact, this led me to write the book A guide for dads and moms in distress, in which I explain in a simple way several tips and recommendations regarding the upbringing and education of the children of the home, as well as several guidelines to take care of yourself as a parent and not suffer too much psychological exhaustion (or, simply, fatigue).

In the next few lines you will find a summary of several of the main ideas contained in the book and which I believe are very useful to educate children beyond school, in the family environment.

1. Children are not miniature adults

One of the basic principles of child psychology is that children are not half-grown adults. Unlike, have their own way of interpreting reality and relating to the environment; a psychological system present in childhood that, although it has its defects, does not need to be constantly "filled in" with information to mature earlier.

Therefore, pressuring children to learn as quickly as possible does not make sense. Many of the things that we try to forcefully teach them they will not understand in the way we want them to understand them, and probably with that. we will only be getting them to feel rejection by a good part of the education initiatives that they will encounter during the next years.

In addition, children's learning often occurs in situations that from our adult perspective we could come to perceive as "wasting time": the game, the dialogue with friends, etc. If they are curious and given to exploration from their first months of life, it is for something.

• You may be interested: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

2. Punishment does not equal physical suffering

Unfortunately, there is still a tendency to associate punishment with physical aggression, the habit of causing pain to a child who has misbehaved. This makes, for some families, the "common sense" idea that inappropriate acts should be punished becomes in the normalization of violence towards children, something that is totally harmful and not only generates suffering, but also the education that these little ones receive can make a lot worse.

But in addition, this belief has another opposite effect; It leads some families to assume that, for example, denying a child the chance to go out to play for several hours is more or less like hitting him. The trivialization of physical violence thus acts in several directions: on the one hand it normalizes it, and on the other it stigmatizes the legitimate use of non-physical punishment methods that can be effective in certain contexts.

3. Growing up is not inherently painful

It is true that during childhood both boys and girls burn through stages of their development rapidly, from one year to the next, and that this It can pose many challenges and put pressure on them in certain phases of life (especially as they move towards puberty).

On the other hand, assuming that entering the period of puberty does not imply living in a drama prevents us from having an overprotective or overly controlling attitude as adults, which would lead to problems in family and parenting relationships (or even to assume that the child has problems that she is hiding, although objectively nothing indicates that these exist).

However, there is no stage of life that is intrinsically painful, or that is "very hard" and requires them to harden themselves in suffering. If a child shows obvious signs of having a hard timeThis does not mean that you are learning to face challenges or to take care of yourself in the face of life's demands. May be experiencing childhood depression or any other psychological disorder from which childhood is not exempt, and it is important to go to a professional.

4. We must value the educational power of friends

As parents, we have a lot of information and experience about how the world works, and it is clear that this is very useful to our children.

However, with regard to non-formal education (that is, that which occurs spontaneously outside the classroom), a good part of the The contents that our children are going to learn and the roles that our children will try to imitate are not in us, but in the boys and girls of their age. Especially when they grow up and go through puberty, young people your age or slightly older become your reference, what our children pay attention to the most.

This must be taken into account to assume our humble role in their education, on the one hand, and not to blame ourselves in a way unjustified if for some reason he learns problematic behavior patterns with which he has only come into contact out of home.

5. We must lead by example

As we have seen so far, spontaneous learning that occurs in free time is a very relevant part of children's education during childhood. So, as fathers and mothers we must set an example of the values ​​that we want to transmit. For them, anything that appears to be limited solely to the world of theory is of little interest.

In addition, the fact that others follow the rules acts as a constant reminder that those rules are there and must be followed.

6. Tantrums are challenging, but they must be approached stoically

Tantrums and tantrums are never pleasant, and if they are repeated a lot, they can become very overwhelming and have a significant impact on our stress levels. However, this discomfort should not justify us behaving in a similar way, using those moments to vent and yell at our son or daughter. A bad action does not cancel another bad action, and beyond a purely moral analysis, it is not something that will make your behavior improve either.

7. Clear guidelines must be given

One of the aspects that best defines the success of early childhood education during parenting is the ability to remain consistent with the behavioral norms that we propose. Therefore, we must pay attention when thinking about the consequences of these rules once they have been explained to the little ones in the house. Are we going to be able to implement them? Will we be able to fulfill them ourselves?

Everything that makes us change the rules on the fly, improvising depending on what happens, detracts from the habit of respecting certain rules. There is always room for readjustments and corrections in time, but they should be the exception, not the norm.

In addition, having very specific and clear rules allows children to learn from their mistakes knowing exactly what they have done wrong, and at the same time it gives them security, so that they will not be afraid of not knowing if they can be punished for carrying out certain Actions.