Loneliness in young adults

Most of the speeches of the elderly begin with "when I was your age...". And behind that phrase, cascading, come the memories of a life full of anecdotes. Between memories, the imperative that youth should be used to the maximum to later have stories to tell, something like living the fullness of life to the full, will appear drawn. How nice it sounds.

The older ones know well that stories are rarely written alone. Friends appear in their memories, some who are still with them, others who are no longer there. That is when they preach the maxim that one of the pillars of being young is to share that stage. You are young together with others. But, What if instead of identifying with such a rule, more and more young people feel overwhelmed by loneliness?

The shame of feeling alone during youth

From meeting friends somewhere to sharing a passing chat with co-workers in rest, it seems that the ordinary activities of youth cannot escape the company of other. However, despite being in permanent contact with others, the ghost of loneliness torments young people more and more. For them, that feeling is not only painful in itself, but also

a feeling of shame is added to them for being experiencing it at a stage that should be the opposite.

Fear of being misunderstood by peers could generate this age "gap"; As a result, young people who feel lonely may find it difficult to ask a friend, family member or therapist for help, further isolating themselves. There are certain factors that magnify this problem. Let's see them below.

• Related article: "Unwanted loneliness: what it is and how we can fight it"

The false company of virtual proximity

The tendency of young people to feel more and more alone cannot be addressed without taking into account that the youth of today is not the same as the youth of the past. today andWe are contained within a 24-hour network of connections due to an element that has become indispensable to us: the smartphone.. The smart devices that fit inside our pockets put us “inside”, that is, they invite us to always be together, although without locking ourselves in a shared physical place. Observe the many WhatsApp groups of which we are part, before which our cell phone is always available to receive messages at any time, announcing with blue checkmarks what a woman would say at another time look.

This contact offered by cell phones does not make our ties more solid, quite the contrary. The co-presence of being face to face in front of another person is eradicated by what Bauman calls virtual proximity: we know about the other according to what they have uploaded to their last story on social networks. We believe we are with him in the distance and we even have a share of imagination that revolves around what the other will be doing, or even worse, around how he feels. The other side of the coin? The virtual distance. The relationships we establish with others are superficial, the messages are short and, to calm anxieties, we are lucky that if they are voice messages they can be speeded up. Brief contact is rewarded. With this panorama, it is not strange to think that young people feel more alone than thirty years ago.

Social networks can give young people the false feeling that there is someone with them all the time, and maybe yes, there is. But the contact they offer is superfluous compared to the support that a friend or family member can provide —which, Instead of inferring how he feels based on his latest post, they decide to accompany him in a more empathetic and attentive way. Loneliness can be silent, and networks can cover it up.

Of course, something no less is that it is thanks to social networks that young people today build their own identity. In them they can access their own voice by generating their own content. They also receive and produce common and mediated knowledge, configuring a generational identity capable of strengthening ties with others and reducing the feeling of being alone.

In the recent pandemic, social networks have been essential as a support for our spirits when many of our loved ones were far away; although it is also true that, as a result of it, some people have lost the social life they used to lead. Perhaps it is not a question of discarding them, but rather of making conscious use of them.

• You may be interested in: "The 9 stages of the life of human beings"

Consumer society, youth employment and loneliness

Besides, The fact of living in a consumer society has its incidence on the problem of youthful loneliness. Activities that are socially perceived as belonging to young people are affected by it. For example, going out with friends brings with it the need to consume in the place where they have met. This produces a lot of frustration among young people when the job offers available are few and they tend to be poorly paid, tempting the possibility of escaping from these social events. In addition, they tend to require previous experience or extensive training that they do not yet have.

This explains why the youth unemployment rate is close to 15%, which means that the new generation of young people is exempted from the capacity for savings and independence that characterized that mobilizing youth of the early years. 60. The time they spend at their parents' house is increasing more and more: in some Latin American countries, such as Mexico and Argentina, the emancipation average is 28 years old. In Peru —as in Spain—, it is at 29. The moods that young people experience when faced with their economic situation tend to be helpless or sad, which leads to a passive and unhealthy lifestyle, and ultimately reinforces the vicious circle of isolation social.

• Related article: "Emotional discomfort: possible causes, and how to overcome it"

name the silence

For such reasons, loneliness is not a phenomenon that affects older adults only, but more and more young people are experiencing it in silence despite the fact that noise is expected on their part. Bringing their situation to light could be useful both to make their situation visible as well as to review the lack of prevention of this problem in the institutions in which they participate.

In this sense, group therapy has proven to be an effective tool to help young people who suffer from unwanted loneliness. The fact of getting involved in a collective activity, having a context of support and honesty in which to show your side vulnerable and feeling understood, is a very good way to understand and accept yourself by going beyond the individualism. If you are interested in this type of psychological intervention, contact me: I offer individual psychotherapy and group therapy sessions.