How to forget someone and feel better: 10 tips

In certain contexts of life, many people feel the desire to forget certain people who were important to them in the past.

Breakups, grieving processes, job layoffs... Everyone can have their reasons for feeling scared by painful memories, but the truth is that sometimes it is good to take action against this form of discomfort.

In this article we will review some of the psychological clues about how to forget someone, even if it is not definitively and simply obeys the desire to feel better at a bad time.

• Related article: "Types of memory: how does the human brain store memories?"

How to forget someone?

Once we have met a person that information is processed unconsciously by our higher mental processes.

The face, the voice, the skin color, etc... These are some of the first characteristics that we internalize from others when we meet them, as we go knowing to a greater degree someone discovering new things in this person and there are more and more characteristics that we memorize. Meeting someone is a process that takes time, and forgetting someone, too.

The term "forgetting someone" refers to a state of improvement that is reached when the memory of a person no longer affects us in a negative way. Let's see how it can be achieved.

1. Take a more realistic perspective

See things as they are really happening and not as we would like them to be. Avoid denial, face reality as it is, even though you don't like it right now. This will prevent you from wasting time and energy Trying to change something you can't This is one of the best tips on how to forget someone who is having trouble accepting the way their life has changed lately.

2. Don't hold on to the past

Understand that time is constantly moving, and that means that circumstances can change from one moment to another; we must adapt to changes. Ensuring that things are always the same is irrational and insane.

3. Avoid repressing our emotions

We don't have to shut up what we feel. In fact, expressing our emotions greatly helps to forget someone. We must allow ourselves the possibility to say what we feel. We can discuss it with a good friend, or go to therapy, if necessary.

• You may be interested: "The 6 uncomfortable truths about the breakup

4. Take up old hobbies

Taking time to reconnect with ourselves is essential when we want to forget someone. Going back to doing activities that used to generate enjoyment is a good way to do it; This helps to focus our mind on ourselves and is a way to prevent intrusive thoughts.

5. Give us the opportunity to meet new people

When the time comes, once we have taken time to reconnect with ourselves, it is good to interact with new people. Give us the chance to meet someone and enjoy the process. Not all men are the same, and neither are women ...

6. Avoid the state of anxiety

That they have failed us in the past does not mean that the same will happen in the future. Bad experiences serve as teaching; the ideal is to nourish ourselves with them to realize in what aspects of our personality should we work to become stronger in the face of adversity.

We do not have to think that it will go badly in the future, because it does not have to be that way.

7. Avoid unnecessary contact

This is about voluntarily decrease the probability of having information about the person we want to forget. Avoid calls, text messages, "accidental" encounters... It is even advisable to remove the person from social networks so as not to bump into their updates.

8. Get rid of intimacy with that person

The less close we are with the person we want to forget, the closer we are to achieving it. This includes both physical and emotional intimacy. Avoid having long and deep conversations with that person is a goal that we must achieve.

Sleeping with someone you want to forget is counterproductive for both genders, but it is especially harmful for women. Physical intimacy causes women to produce oxytocin, a hormone that triggers feelings of connection and affection.

9. Keep any memory out of our sight

Although we have managed to cut ties with the person we want to forget, It will be particularly difficult for us to do so if we have objects that bring us the memory of that person in visible places in our house, for example letters, anniversary gifts, etc. ...

The ideal is to remove those things from our sight. We do not have to throw them away, just keep them in a place where they are not exposed to our eyes.

10. Understand that everything is ephemeral

This step is fundamentally important for our objective, and it is that if we manage to change our thinking about social relations will also make it easier for us to deal with the natural processes of society.

Forgetfulness is a natural part of social life. Taking into account that nothing lasts forever, we can enjoy our relationships in a healthy way, rejoicing in the good times and facing the bad. If we have to say goodbye, we will be able to do it with our heads held high, knowing that there will always be new people, new experiences.

In conclusion

Depending on our personality characteristics, some steps about how to forget someone may be easier than others; We must be able to identify this and put special effort in those that complicate us.

And if you think professional help is worth it, there are psychotherapists specialized in couple breakup that can be very useful, and that they can also assist you both in person and online.

Bibliographic references:

• Dudai, Y. (2006). "Reconsolidation: the advantage of being refocused". Current Opinion in Neurobiology. 16 (2): 174–178.
• LeDoux, J.E. (2007) Consolidation: Challenging the traditional view. In: Roediger, H. L., Dudai, Y. and Fitzpatrick S. M., eds. Science of Memory: Concepts. New York: Oxford University Press, pp. 171–175.