10 habits to improve your child's self-esteem

As a parent that I am, and from my years of experience working with adolescents and their families, I know that one of the points that most concerns us is that our child develops with a healthy self-esteem.

We know, surely from our own experience, that self-esteem will determine in a decisive way how they approach their relationships in the future, both as a couple and as a friendship.

It will influence his life as a student and his working life. And, of course, in their self-worth and recognition.

Your child's self-esteem, just as it happens to you, will be a very important factor in her happiness.

• Related article: "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"

Strategies to promote good self-esteem in your son or daughter

In life we ​​go with a backpack on our shoulders, and this backpack accompanies us in every situation and at all times. Only we can get in and out of it, but the weight and resources that we carry are going to make us live life in one way or another.

In that backpack we keep our self-esteem, of course, self-concept and self-motivation. And, as I said, only you can manipulate it yourself.

See self-esteem as a great tree that grows from a tiny seed. The care it receives during the first years of life, childhood and preadolescence, will depend on the shade and fruits that it comes to bear.

In these stages of life the influence you have as a father or mother is vital. So yes, although it may be a significant pressure, you should know that with your type of education and way of acting with your child you are decisively marking the love he feels for himself in a future. Far from worrying, this fact should be a joy to you, since no one wants more than you to be a happy adult.

What would you be willing to do to achieve it? That you can help him now that he is under your tutelage, it is an opportunity that you should take advantage of. To do this, of course, first of all you must know how, and then I leave you 10 keys that will surely help you.

1. Avoid the verb Ser

One of the biggest yokes with which we walk in life is the "I am like this" or the "I am not like this". This conception of how we are and how much it restricts us in life is created since we were little, and it is because of those "innocent" comments such as "you are disorganized" or "you are shy. Change to "you don't have the room organized" or "you haven't talked much with the family today" so as not to start leaving the mark you don't want.

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2. Ask yourself: from love or from fear?

When you give him a recommendation, reprimand or prevent him from doing something he wants to do, think about whether you are approaching it from fear or from love.

I give you a very common example in adolescence. When your child asks you to come home later because he is meeting friends, you say no because you want to prevent something bad from happening to him (fear) or because he must learn that each age must follow certain rules (love). The way you approach it will bring you different fruits.

• Related article: "What is fear for?"

3. Measure performance, not result

Closely related to academic performance. The fact that in the college / institute / university they measure everything with a number at the end of the course, does not mean that we also have to do it with our children.

Variables such as constancy, responsibility or organization they are what is really important, what will serve them for the rest of their lives. Put the focus there. And if he or she does it too, that final number is sure to be higher too. But the important thing, I repeat, is the process, not the end result.

4. Forgive from love

As a parent you know that the love you feel from the moment a child comes into your life is unlike any other. That love should be very present especially when they seem to deserve it less. This does not mean that you cannot be angry, that you cannot punish if you think it is necessary, but do it with the pattern that your affection marks you.

• You may be interested in: "How to control anger: 7 practical tips"

5. Become an example to follow

Many times we are determined that our children do things that they do not begin to do until they see us do them.

Everything that is learned by imitation is much easier. So if you want smiling children, smile. If you want organized children, get organized. If you want active kids, get active.

• Related article: "Modeling: what is it and what are its types in Psychology?"

6. Speak well of him "behind his back"

There comes a time when children realize that a mission that parents have is to value what they do well. How handsome they are, how cute they are, how smart they are ...

Well, that feeling will be much greater when you do those "compliments" not to them directly, but to a third person, they being indirect witnesses of the situation.

7. Put yourself in their position

Do you remember when you were bored how you sought the attention of your parents? Do you remember how difficult it was on spring days to stay home studying instead of going outside? Do you remember how important it was for you to arrive a little later when you started going out with your friends in the afternoon / evening? Well, this, and many other things, also happens to your children. It's just about you remembering from time to time.

• You may be interested in: "The 4 types of empathy (and their characteristics)"

8. Value everything that tells you

Everything, absolutely everything that a child expresses is pure gold. So far from judging it, listen to it, analyze it and try to learn from it. There are no silly questions, if you don't want to know more. There are no absurd reasonings, if not wonderful inner worlds.

9. Boost sports practice

Please be clear that the sum of a mind that is oxygenated, a body that moves and a child that learns results in a healthy and strong self-esteem.

Are you going to do everything possible for your child to have an active life or do you prefer the comfort of having him / her in front of the television, tablet or console?

• You may be interested in: "The 10 psychological benefits of practicing physical exercise"

10. Never say never (nor always)

We tend to exaggerate certain attitudes in moments of anger using, unfairly, maximizers in our way of speaking. "You never listen." "You always have a mess in your room." In the heat of battle it is understandable to do something like that, but we are certainly not fair and creates a fairly negative idea of ​​yourself.

To end...

These are the 10 tips that I would like you to remember when raising your children. The prize is very high, because of course having a happy child automatically makes us a happy father / mother. And as I said before, surely you are willing to do anything to achieve it, right?

With my program "The shine of your child" I help both parents and adolescent boys / girls to improve their self-esteem, develop a healthier self-concept, learn to manage their emotions, achieve shine in life as they wish. And you know, you have a lot of power in the well-being of your child.