Having children: synonymous with happiness?

Having children can be one of the happiest experiences in a person's life, but not necessarily 100% of the time. Although in today's society there is constant pressure for motherhood to be seen as a blessing, something wonderful, and always something positive, The truth is that there are media voices that begin to talk about the less idyllic aspects of motherhood, and they explain to us that not everything is gold. glitters.

Recently the journalist Samanta Villar has raised controversy due to statements for the newspaper ABC where she expressed that after her recent motherhood she is not happier than before and that having children "is losing quality of life." The attacks and criticisms from social networks for these statements are a clear example of the idealization of motherhood.

But what does science say about the relationship between psychological well-being and motherhood?

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How do children influence the relationship?

One of the areas in which the birth of a new family member can most influence is marital satisfaction. The organization of the couple's system must be reviewed and adjusted, and may even be considered as a crisis. This is because that baby needs all the possible attention, and the couple's relationship takes a back seat.

When it is time to resume the role of the romantic relationship, they appear problems such as loss of intimacy with your partner, which can affect communication and sexual relationships.

In a meta-analysis conducted by Jean M. Twenge, W. Keith Campbell and Craig A. Foster and published in 2003 in the "Journal of Marriage and Family", it is shown that the transition to motherhood or fatherhood can:

1. Increase stress

The increase in the number of tasks the couple has to carry out after the baby is born increases their level of stress and generates tension in the relationship. The latter is due to the lower availability of time for communication.

2. Interfere in the relationship

The presence of the new family member can negatively affect the companionship of the couple and their sexual relations.

3. Overload roles

By increasing the tasks to be performed, parents are forced to perform new roles to the point of being overwhelmed by them.

4. Create negative evaluations about marriage

This happens especially in women who have less traditional values.

• Related article: "The 7 keys to having a healthy relationship with your partner"

What do the studies say?

The authors argue that there are also cases where the birth of a baby can have positive effects in marital satisfaction, so they indicate that some variables may mediate the relationship.

The meta-analysis consisted of 97 articles, which correspond to a total sample of 47,692 participants. The results showed that:

1. Satisfaction with the relationship decreases

People with children had lower partner satisfaction in 90 of the 97 articles analyzed. 55% of people without children indicate they are satisfied with their relationship, compared to 45% of people with children.

2. The more children, the less satisfaction

Couples with a higher number of children report a worse marital satisfaction than couples with fewer children.

3. It affects the satisfaction of women more

In women, with the motherhood decreases satisfaction to a greater degree in the couple compared to men entering fatherhood.

4. The effect increases with socioeconomic level

The people of high socioeconomic level show lower satisfaction than those that are at lower levels.

Consequences for personal happiness

Regarding the happiness of the person when a baby is born, a recent article by the authors Jennifer Glass, Robin W. Simon, and Matthew A. Andersson published in the "American Journal of Sociology" where 22 European countries and the US are analyzed shows that not all countries report less happiness when people are fathers or mothers.

The United States and Ireland are the countries where the least happy parents are, while in countries such as Finland, Norway, France and Spain people who have children are happier than people without children.

The authors of this article argue that the lack of policies in favor of fathers and mothers who help Reconciling family life with work life creates greater anxiety and stress for parents, thus reducing their happiness. The results may seem surprising if we compare the ease of reconciliation between the Nordic countries and Spain.

• Related article: "The 10 keys to being happy, according to science"

Motherhood is idealized

As we have seen, having children can have negative effects on quality of life of people. Loss of satisfaction in the partner, the effect on people's sexual lives, stress and Anxiety are some of the effects that the arrival of a new member of the family can cause on the people.

Thus the idealization of motherhood, silencing all these negative effects, does a disservice to women. people who suffer emotional distress due to those important changes that occur with the birth of a baby. It can also cause a false feeling that the services and aids for family conciliation they are sufficient and thus limit the review of government policies in this regard.

• Related article: "Anti-natalism: against the birth of more human beings"

Bibliographic references:

• Glass, J., Simon, R. W., & Andersson, M. TO. (2016). Parenthood and Happiness: Effects of Work-Family Reconciliation Policies in 22 OECD Countries. American Journal of Sociology, 122(3), 886–929.

• Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K. & Foster, C. TO. (2003). Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65: 574–583.