Adolescents at home: 7 educational and communication keys

The adolescence it is a stage of discovery, changes, decision-making, awakening to the world through the eyes of a child who, little by little, is becoming a responsible adult.

It is a complex stage because the personality is still building, and important changes take place in the school context.

Adolescence: a (hard) way to go

In psychological consultations, complaints from parents are frequent. Irritable adolescents, who do not meet the established norms, that they begin to have dangerous friendships and that they have academic problems.

From the parents' position, adolescence is often described as a time of many fights, confrontations and disputes, to the point where the situation can become totally unbearable. What to do when living with teenagers at home? Is there a guide for parents in distress?

You are interested in reading: "Rebellious Teens: 6 Tips for Parents in Trouble"

Tips for a good coexistence with teenage children

Problems have solutions, and although adolescence is a complicated age, everything has a remedy if the appropriate educational seeds are sown.

Then We offer you some advice, both at an educational and communicative level, which can help you enjoy your children's adolescence more.

1. Let them explore the world

Young people need to define many aspects of their life: their personality, their friendships, their preferences... This is normal, and you have to understand that they may be inconsistent in their opinions and tastes. In this way they try and decide; it is the way they can finally make decisions.

Just as adults need time to shop, in the same way a teenager seeks make the best decision, only you are just beginning to make it, to discover yourself, and for so much takes time to develop that skill.

2. Let's listen to them sincerely

We must teach (and encourage) teenage children to express their thoughts and feelings. To do this, the most important thing is that let's listen without judging, criticize or humiliate.

Young people do not usually talk to their parents precisely because they do not know how to listen and perceive them as a threat, as adults who only want to correct and punish them. But we must remember that when a young man comes to us to talk, it is because he really does. needs, needs to be heard, and the worst thing we can do is lecture and judge them negatively. If we want our children to trust us, we must offer them our sincere help when they need it, let them know that we are a faithful support. Anyway, It is not convenient for us to solve their problems: doing it for themselves will allow them to take responsibility and mature.

3. We accept your criteria and your decisions

If they are decisions that will not harm you, let them choose. This point is very difficult for many parents, because they are used to deciding for their children and obviously they always decide what they think is best for them.

This is the time when they must make their own decisions, even if these decisions are contrary to our tastes or way of thinking. The most common examples: way of dressing, the music they listen to, physical appearance, among others. They are aspects of their lives that we can try to influence with the left hand, but never impose our criteria.

4. Let them make mistakes: we also learn from mistakes

As adults, we know that our adolescents must experience the good and bad things in life, in pursuit of their learning and maturational development. We cannot lock our children in a glass bubble, we must let them grow. That is, we must let them think, reflect, act, and of course make mistakes, because mistakes allow them to mature. Phrases like: "I told you so"... "Don't come to cry, I warned you" and other similar ones cancel out the possibility that the child feels that he has the right to make mistakes, how will he learn to make his own decisions without committing mistakes?

We must bear in mind: we too are afraid of being parents and above all of making mistakes. Surely during our lives we have made many mistakes, they allowed us to mature and grow, and our family members forgot the bad times. Now, the adolescent may feel in his own flesh the fear of being an adult, but he is comforted by knowing that his parents love him, despite his mistakes. Let us support them, guide them, and when they make a mistake, teach them to bear the consequences.

5. Let's learn to apologize if we have made a mistake

The best way to teach is by consistent example. If as parents we make a mistake, it is best that we apologize and rectify, is the most important sign of maturity that can be taught to a child.

Precisely at this stage of adolescence is when children begin to realize the mistakes of their parents, that is why adults tend to get irritated with more ease, because our children now think, analyze, compare, decide and, consequently, get an idea or critique of the environment, also of our abilities as fathers. Unfortunately, many adults expect and demand that our children apologize when they do wrong, but we as adults rarely do. We are afraid of being weak to them. However, apologizing is an act of maturity and courage, and it is not true that we are losing credibility or power with our children. On the contrary: we will be earning your respect and admiration..

6. We do not hold them responsible for our failures

Many parents, consciously or unconsciously, want to prevent their children from making the same mistakes that they made in the past, and even they fear that they are rebellious as they were when they were young.

We must overcome our fears and stop extrapolating our fears and yearnings towards them. Our children are building their own personality and their own path; we must be there to support and help them.

7. Let's be brave: let's help them to be what they want to be

Having children is one of the most intense experiences we can have as human beings. Our role as parents is to make them authentic, independent and successful., autonomous people who know how to carve their own path towards a full and happy life.

Of course, we should not try to make our teenagers copies of ourselves: let's give them the tools they need to grow and let them choose their own path, both in the academic field, work, love... as in any other aspect.

A few final thoughts

When limits and discipline are established from childhood, an environment of trust and respect is fostered, autonomy and confidence, the necessary conditions are provided for the children to successfully advance to a new stage: adolescence. Although it is true that the arrival of this vital stage in children generates a lot of fear among parents - sometimes more in parents than in young people themselves-, the reality is that it is usually crossed without major difficulties.

Unfortunately, on many occasions it is during this stage when the adolescent becomes evident a series of affective deficiencies that were not provided in childhood. Due, We parents tend to use "adolescence" as a smokescreen to avoid reflecting or attend to everything that we have been letting go. Of course, it is in this area that parents "suffer", and therefore it is necessary to have some tools to know how to cope with changes.

We hope that these tips will be useful to you to enjoy the stage "waking up to the world." The task is not easy, without a doubt, training human beings is a company only suitable for the brave: it will require constantly reviewing our way of educating and correcting some aspects if necessary. The important thing is that we are still on time, we just have to put good will into it.