The 5 practical keys to mastering non-verbal language

There are many myths and ignorance about the nonverbal language.

Gestural communication and everything we transmit with our physical expression is of cardinal importance when communicating with other human beings. In fact, experts claim that up to 80% of what we transmit we do it non-verbally, and only 20% has to do with our words. Surprising, no?

Despite this, its importance is unquestionable, since for many years a large part of the communication of the human species relied exclusively on gestures, expressions, and grunts.

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Through this limited form of information exchange, the human being should be able to understand if someone harbored intentions friendly or not, if there was something to worry about immediately, or if he had any chance of mating with other members of the tribe.

The increasing proliferation of scientific studies has made it possible to understand the role of non-verbal language in more detail, but in some cases it has also contributed to creating an overly extreme view of their importance.

The reality is that in most situations no conclusions can be drawn from a single gesture separately. They must be integrated within a context and a set of signals to be able to give real meaning to that expression.

The science of body language still has many puzzles to unravel, but you can start with these five concepts that will allow you to improve your social skills and mastery of non-verbal communication.

1. You express what you feel and you feel what you express

There is a physiological mechanism, called proprioception, which establishes a path of double meaning between your emotions and your body language. And that has enormous advantages for those who know how to use it to their advantage.

When you feel an emotion or a feeling invades you, your neurons send an order to the muscles to adopt a certain posture. If you feel insecure, for example, the consequence is that you will end up crossing your arms to establish a barrier.

However some studies they have shown that the opposite path also exists. If you consciously adopt a posture of insecurity, your mind will begin to experience the corresponding emotion. Your brain understands that if it is showing that gesture it is because it should feel that certain way.

The good news is that it is possible to use this dual path to create positive states. By adopting a confident posture, such as holding your head high and shoulders straight, you will begin to feel more confident and relaxed.

2. The further away from the brain, the less control

Several investigations have concluded that the arms, hands and torso are the most easily controlled parts of the body in a conscious way. That is why many people are able to pretend using their non-verbal language that feels some emotions, when in reality they are experiencing others.

But it also appears that the further away from the central nervous system a part of the body is, the less conscious control we can exert over it. It is likely that it is a question of inattention rather than physical distance, but in any case we tend to be less aware of the position of the legs than that of the arms.

It is a good idea that in addition to paying attention to the body language of the upper torso pay attention to the feet of your interlocutor because they will provide you with very valuable information. Our feet often point towards what interests us, be it a person or an escape route, and they often go completely unnoticed.

3. The face is the mirror of the soul

The expressions on the face are also usually quite representative of someone's state of mind. In fact, there are even theories that link facial features with personality, such as Morphopsychology.

During many years of evolution we have had to be able to communicate emotions accurately to survive as a species. In this context and due to the large number of existing facial muscles, the face has become the most reliable mirror of the soul.

Although there are many nuances, there are from 4 to 6 basic emotions that our facial micro-expressions are capable of communicating: joy, fear, anger, sadness, disgust and surprise. Each one involves certain facial muscles and must be integrated within a global context that includes the rest of the body's language and oral communication.

It is possible to misrepresent the facial microexpressions to camouflage feelings, but it is practically impossible to control all the muscles involved consciously. That is why there are always clues such as the lack of elevation of the cheeks and eyes in the false expression of joy:

4. Mimicking posture builds trust

There is scientific evidence to support the fact that when two people like each other or spend a lot of time together, tend to unconsciously adopt the same body language. Much of the responsibility lies with emotional contagion through mirror neurons.

Imitating someone else's body language is a simple and easy way to begin to establish a bond of trust, although it should be done carefully so that it is not obvious.

To get it you must be selective in what you imitate: do not copy gestures that would not be natural to you, do not imitate them immediately after your interlocutor performs them, and vary their amplitude and intensity. It is also a good idea to avoid reproducing negative expressions so as not to increase their contagion, although it will depend on each specific situation.

Although it may seem manipulative, it is not when the target is honest. Many people with great social skills you have incorporated it unconsciously to get your interlocutor to relax and open up to deeper conversations.

5. Contact with oneself reveals a lot of information

Another way to get a lot of information out of non-verbal language is through the type of self-contact.

Instinctively young children cover their eyes when they don't want to see something or they cover their ears when they don't like what they hear. They also cover their mouths with a finger when they want to silence their interlocutor. Although with less intensity, these gestures tend to last into adulthood.

When someone touches their eyes, ears or mouth, it may be a unconscious attempt to block something you are not liking. To avoid misinterpretations (such as actually stinging an eye) you should also take into account other signs that confirm that conclusion.

On the other hand, touching oneself by joining hands or rubbing the arms may indicate a need for support, perhaps as an inheritance from comfort in the form of physical contact that our parents offered us in childhood. This signal can help you sense that someone is feeling uncomfortable and needs to feel supported.