FOBU or fear of breaking up with your partner: 8 keys to understanding it
Jul 16, 2021
Love relationships can go through good times, but also bad times. On many occasions, the conflicts that appear can be solved with efficient communication or by going to couples therapy, which brings many benefits, as you can read in our article. "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons ".
But there are courtships or marriages living immersed in a toxic relationship, which can cause psychological problems to its members. In these cases like these, and in which we are aware that it is better for each member of the couple to follow their own path separately, FOBU (fear of breaking up) or fear of breaking up with the partner may appear.
- Related article: "23 signs you have a‘ toxic relationship ’with a partner"
How the fear of breaking up with the partner manifests
And it is that leaving a relationship is not easy, because memories can flood our mind again and again and obsession can condition us for a certain time. As we explain in our article "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"
The fear of breaking up the couple can manifest itself in different ways, including:
- You think your life has no future but you are unable to say goodbye
- You think that your partner is the only person you can be with even knowing that it does not make you happy.
- There are constant conflicts and frequent fights.
- You think the relationship should end but you are unable to do so.
- You feel a great resentment towards your partner despite continuing with him or her.
- You are an emotionally dependent person.
Why are we afraid to break up with our partner?
The heartbreak process is slow, and many times it is difficult to take the step of leaving the partner even knowing that the relationship is not on the right track. Low self-esteem can lead an individual to remain in that relationship despite suffering, not being able to take the necessary step to change.
But, Why are we afraid to break up with our partner? There are different types of fear that make us stay in a couple when in reality it is better to separate.
1. Fear of uncertainty
One of the most common fears that human beings can experience is the fear of uncertainty, which usually appears when we have to make important decisions or change something our life. Not knowing what the future holds can create some anxiety and fear, which is why many people decide to stay in a relationship instead of doing what they really want, which is to leave the partner.
- To overcome the fear of uncertainty, you can read our article: "Fear of uncertainty: 8 keys to overcome it"
2. Fear of leaving the comfort zone
A fear that is closely related is the fear of leaving the comfort zone, that is, to leave that mental place where we feel stable and safe. This fits the phrase "better known bad than good to know." Staying in the comfort zone does not allow us to grow as people, and this includes getting out of a toxic relationship when necessary.
3. Fear of what others will say about us
There is usually the social imposition or the shared belief that to be happy we must have a partner and, as a result, get married. However, you can be happy being single. In our article “Is it possible to be single and be happy? The 8 benefits of not having a partner"We explain it to you.
There are people who feel great anxiety about what others will think of them when they find out that they are single. Something that harms their well-being and can lead them to make wrong decisions.
- Related article: "Tips to stop thinking about what others think of you"
4. Fear to fail
Another of the most common fears of human beings is the fear of failure. It is characterized by anticipating defeat or the consequences of defeat. Feeling that we have failed is a mental trap, because, in reality, failure can be a great opportunity for growth. Fear of failure can cause us to remain in a toxic relationship to avoid feeling like losers.
- You may be interested in: "Fear of failure: when anticipating defeat immobilizes us"
5. Fear of suffering
Nobody likes to suffer, and heartbreak is characterized by great suffering. However, that suffering allows us to learn and grow, and leaving someone, in addition to pain, can bring with it excellent opportunities to live a full life in the future. The fear of suffering is experienced by all of us, especially in this very complicated situation.
6. Fear of being replaced
Rejection is one of the most difficult situations to live in, because it can hurt us and affect our self-esteem.. However, it is something that can happen in life and that we must accept. Just as we will find a new partner, our ex-partner will too.
7. Fear of being wrong
The fear of being wrong is that fear that arises from regret, that is, from regretting having made a decision. This fear is disabling, so we must accept it as part of life. One cannot regret having done something, but rather not having done it.
8. Fear of being single
In our article "Anuptophobia: the irrational fear of being single" We are talking about this irrational fear that conditions the lives of many people, and that makes them go from couple to couple without allowing them to live a period of self-reflection. The fear of being single can cause us not to be able to cut a relationship that only brings pain. Overcoming the fear of being single is necessary to regain well-being.