Your partner could be a psychopath: keys to identify him

We generally have the word "psycho" associated with the typical serial killer in novels or movies such as Hannibal Lecter, or real and famous psychopaths like Ted Bundy or Edmund Kemper.

However, this association is a mistake, since not all psychopaths commit crimes of blood; in fact there are a disturbing number of people who have a markedly psychopathic personality and have never killed anyone nor will ever set foot in jail.

• Related article: "Psychopathy: what happens in the psychopath's mind?"

Not all psychopaths kill

Given the statistics, it is very possible that you know some of these people with strong psychopathic traits, and it is likely that you do not have the slightest suspicion of the true nature that hides behind that charming smile and that flawless image.

These "integrated psychopaths" function like a virus that has managed to circumvent the immune system of society; they are skilled at hiding their true way of being, so they are hardly detectable. One of the leading experts on psychopathy, Dr. Robert Hare, refers to them as "snakes in suits."

They are aware of the damage they cause

A psychopath is a being with a perverse personality. Something is wrong with the way he empathizesHe is aware of the damage he causes, but far from feeling pity or remorse he gloats over it. Unlike most of us, he does not enjoy the good of others (rather he feels envy and resentment) and, moreover, he tends to enjoy causing suffering in others, either for fun or for pure boredom. Any appearance that can show compassion is a theater, a mask.

The psychopath has a certain intuition that something is wrong with him, he knows that he is differentHe knows that most people are good and that they take good on others, and he takes advantage of this, pretending to be an ordinary person.

How to identify it

Some people, If they know it, they enter into love relationships with a person of these characteristics. Now, if your partner is a psychopath, you will realize this during the coexistence.

The beginning of the relationship with these people is usually intense and at a faster rate than the rest of your relationships have been. The psychopath will try to live with you as soon as possible, usually he will move into your house.

The mindset of a psychopath is deviant in relation to most of us. His emotional world is much more restricted; however, they have a good fit to reality (that is, they do not suffer from hallucinations or delusions) and they do not feel fear like most people. In fact, some are hardly afraid, which often leads to reckless behavior.

Look at their behaviors

If you think that your partner is a psychopath, don't try to understand how he thinks, he is too different from you for you to understand him, and also he will not really show you his way of thinking. It is much more useful for you to look at how he acts and the contrast between what he says and what he does.

At the beginning of the relationship, he will use a manipulation strategy known as "love bombardment." This seduction technique is typically used by cults, and generates in the victim an almost intoxicated state as it is filled with expressions of interest, praise, positive attention, closeness and affection. In the case of your psychopathic partner, it is all a lie, it is a screen that hides some perverse intention. He's not really interested in you.

This initial experience, this bombardment of love, is burned into the mind of the victim. It's like a high, like a drug. This initial feeling of ecstasy is very difficult to erase and victims will desperately seek to regain the euphoria of the beginning. The psychopath will play with this.

A psychopath is a person who he is unstoppable when it comes to getting what he wants. The end justifies the means, he will do whatever it takes to get what he wants, and you better not get in the way. he desires her, because if you hinder him and he cannot elude you, he will simply get you out of the way without the slightest remorse.

On the other hand, a psychopath does not take responsibility, do not feel guilty or apologize for anything if you do not see it necessary for your interests. He justifies himself by his faults, blames others (blames you) or circumstances, anything before asking for forgiveness.

What's more, wants and needs to be in control, does not accept the feeling of feeling vulnerable. If you see him cry, be sure that his tears are false; he may cry out of frustration, out of sheer rage, but not out of shame or guilt, because he doesn't feel these things.

The psychopath believes that he deserves everything, that he is special and has more rights than others. His narcissism and feeling of greatness make her believe that he will never be caught., and some of the most prominent criminals have been hunted thanks to this oversight.

Also it is typical that psychopaths never trust anyone; They transfer their wicked nature onto others so that they never let their guard down completely.

He will buy you with false promises. Lies compulsively, even when cornered. You never know what he really thinks. He will deceive you with such impudence and conviction that you will come to doubt yourself.

In addition, he often talks about his old relationships, calling them crazy, unstable, toxic or any other qualifier that may suggest that he has had very bad luck with couples and that, finally, you have appeared in his life so that both of you are happy. Then his speech will change and he will begin to question you, devalue you, disrespect you and send negative messages towards you. This is the discard phase, it indicates that he has already tired of you and most likely has already changed you for someone else. And you are not in his plans, now what he wants is to hurt you.

You will use triangulation and projection: will try to generate jealousy in you, introducing a third person in the relationship, but generally in a subtle way. He will intentionally make you suspicious of him and then deny everything and accuse you of your jealousy and your need to control. Many times he will question your mental stability and will try to unhinge you. He will accuse you of being unfaithful to him.

They may try to isolate you from your family and / or separate you from your friends, or he may get along very well with your family and everyone finds him charming, implying that you are the "bad guy" in the relationship. When he gets tired of you he will begin to denigrate you, attacking your self-confidence with a first subtle and then direct bombardment of disqualifications, little by little undermining your self-esteem.

Also manipulate you through guilt and dependency to have you at his mercy, this is what you have always wanted from the beginning of the relationship. You need to feel powerful and exploit others.

You will observe that it maintains an impeccable image, maintains a way of being that It is charming from outside And it is likely that if you tell people around you how he treats you, they will not believe you. It seems that only you see the hidden side of the psychopath, and that increases the feeling that you are going crazy, but it is not like that.

To do?

If you observe several of these traits in your partner, it is likely that you have encountered an exploitative person and of the worst kind. Maintaining a relationship with such a person puts your mental health in serious danger.

The trauma of continued abuse of this type can be overcome, but it is very difficult for you to do it alone. The more time you have spent with such a person, the more likely it is that this relationship has left significant psychic consequences. Seeks specialized professional support.

Bibliographic references:

Piñuel, I. (2019). Zero love, how to survive love affairs with psychopaths. Madrid: The sphere of books. Junker, S. (2017). Victims of destructive cults. Mind & Brain, 87: pp. 62 - 68.