How to ask for favors: 5 practical tips

Throughout our lives we will need help from others on more than one occasion. Although it is difficult for us to admit it, we are not perfect and we need other people to help us with a multitude of tasks.

On other occasions, what can happen is that an unforeseen event has simply arisen and, as a consequence, we need someone to do us a last-minute favor.

Whatever favor you ask for, how they are done is almost as important as how urgent they may be. For this reason here let's tackle the issue of asking for favors, seeing what factors can influence that others are predisposed to help us.

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How do you learn to ask for favors?

Even the most self-sufficient people need help at some point, since we are still imperfect and social animals. Taking advantage of that social component of human nature on more than one occasion we find ourselves in the need to ask for favors, although that is not always easy. Either out of objection, because we are ashamed or out of simple fear of being rejected, the truth is that asking someone else for something is a somewhat complicated task.

Logically, Each favor implies a different difficulty that also influences when being asked. It is not the same to ask that, please, buy us a can of sardines in the supermarket that covers the afternoon hours at the office. Favors may be easier or more difficult to satisfy depending on how many resources you have to move the person to whom we ask the favor, which is why it is also more or less likely to satisfy us. Fortunately, there are a number of factors that can help us fulfill our requests.

1. Presence

Either for convenience or because we are directly afraid to do it in person, there are many who prefer to request favors in writing, both by email and instant messaging. Emails are seen as perfect for asking for favors from co-workers, while chats are used with close people, such as family and friends.

Many resort to text thinking that this modality will save us from having to look into the eyes of the person from whom we will ask the favor. In addition, the text helps us to be more persuasive, allowing us to prepare our speech well, making the text extensively written, setting out each of the reasons why we need you to do us the favor and the urgency of the same.

Despite all this, the truth is that being present is the best way to ask for favors. In fact, doing it in writing is a very bad option, and this was demonstrated by an investigation carried out by Cornell University, in the United States. The study carried out by Roghanizad and Bohns (2017) concluded that looking at the eyes of the person from whom we ask the favor is 34 times more persuasive than doing it via written. The best thing is the presence, or in other words, asking for favors face to face.

2. Go bluntly

It is normal that, before asking someone for a favor, we greet them, talk cordially about the weather or some current issue and, once we have gotten into the mood a bit, we proceed to the compliments, the rally said more colloquially. This is fine as long as we don't get too long.

As a general rule, when we are going to ask a favor, the other person notices it. "This one wants something, sure" will always cross his mind. The best thing to do is to blurt out the request as soon as possible, without being too abrupt but also not going too far or flatteringly. Generally, we are more likely to do favors for others if the person asking us gets straight to the point.

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3. Take care of non-verbal language

Asking for favors face-to-face is so persuasive thanks to the help of non-verbal language. This type of language influences a lot when it comes to convincing someone to help us, which is why we must take care of what expressions and movements we make in the presence of the person to whom we are going to make a request.

Some advice: clear gaze, relaxed movements, arms in an open position and never crossed. These gestures, in addition to looking into the eyes and smiling, invite the other party to be generous and help us. Added to this, it is appropriate to make the request in a quiet place where third parties will not interrupt us.

4. Choose the moment

It is very important to do the favor at the right time. Everyone has times of the day when they are in a better mood and others when they are not so much, such as after work or just when they have received bad news. This influences a lot when it comes to doing a favor, probably having less successful if we ask the person to do it just when they have a bad day.

For this reason, we must be patient and choose the most appropriate time to make the request, even if what we need is in a great hurry. As long as it is not something urgent what we have to ask for, it can wait a few hours or days, since if we do it at the least appropriate moment we are guaranteed the resounding "no".

5. State the reasons

Although it is not advisable to elaborate too much on the reason for our request, it is It is highly recommended to state a reason since failure to do so will sound like an imposition or something purely selfish. The other person must understand that we really need it, that we ask them for a favor because we cannot help ourselves but it is something important.

Here we return to talking about scientific evidence mentioning another experiment, in this case carried out by Harvard University. In their experiment, Langer and Chanowitz (1978) did a simple test. One of the investigators approached a colleague at the copier and asked him, please, to give him his turn. Sometimes he did it without giving any explanation, while in others he did state his motive.

In 60% of the cases in which they asked for the favor but without giving explanations, they were successful, using only the face-to-face factor, that is, asking for the favor face to face. In contrast, the success rate rose to almost 90% when the investigator gave a reason to sneak in.

The surprising thing about it was that the reason he gave was not too complex or a transcendental request, it was literally “Excuse me, can I sneak in? I have to make some photocopies. " For the simple fact of giving a reason, although obvious and absurd, the researcher managed to sneak in 9 times out of 10. This goes to show that whenever we ask for a favor we must accompany it with a justification, even if it is minimal.