How to communicate better with my children? 7 tips

Communication between people is not always a fluid and easy process to carry out. This can become a problem, especially with the little ones: with the children. Do you have the feeling that it is difficult for you to communicate with them? Do you feel that everything you would like to know is not explained to you?

In this article you will find some guidelines that try to answer the following question: “how to communicate better with my children?”. These are key ideas that can be taken as a small guide so that your communication with them gains in quality, trust and transparency.

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How to communicate better with my children

As you will see, we will try to answer the question of "how to communicate better with my children", through 7 psycho-pedagogical guidelines. We must take into account that these must be adapted to the mental age, chronological age and evolutionary moment of each boy or girl, as well as their personal characteristics:

1. Put yourself in their place (in two senses)

The first guideline seems simple, although it is not. It is about putting yourself in their place, from two points of view: psychological (using empathy) and physical (sitting next to them, putting yourself at their height).

The second may seem like an unimportant aspect, although it is not; It is very important that the child or adolescent feels understood and listened to, and this is achieved not only with verbal language, but also with non-verbal (hence the management of our physical space with it).

Just like adults, children respond a lot to sensations, and these can connect you if the physical distance between you is less; That is why we recommend that you put yourself at his height, and from there, speak to him.

As for the other aspect mentioned, empathy, this will be essential to improve your communication with them, since through it your child will feel more understood and heard. So, put yourself in his place, try to connect with what he feels at all times, and reach out to him.

2. Look for communication spaces (and time)

Another important aspect, and to take into account, in order to improve communication with your children, is to seek and promote spaces for communication with them. This includes not only looking for pleasant and quiet physical spaces to do it, but also moments (time). After all, the best thing we can give our children is our time.

A good idea is to find a fixed day a week to do it, create that space, for example before or after dinner, where the The objective will be to share the experiences of the day, the emotional state, possible worries, satisfactions, needs, etc.

This space can also be shared by the other members of the family. The important thing is to communicate and for the conversation to flow, from respect, acceptance and love.

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3. use specific language

The next guideline on how to communicate better with your children is to use direct, specific and concrete language.

Children (especially when they are younger) do not find it easy to understand abstract language; That is why many times we can feel that "they don't understand us", or even that they "don't listen to us". This has an easy solution; try to use a more concrete language with them, with more direct ideas, without preambles or "ornaments".

This will be especially useful when you have to talk about limits, guidelines, behaviors you expect from him/her, good habits, obligations, etc.

In the more emotional field, on the other hand, we can always increase the level of abstraction a little in our language, because It is also important that they do not stop learning this type of language and vocabulary (especially as they become greater).

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4. Don't take anything for granted; ask

Frequently and erroneously, we take for granted many things that in reality are not how we initially conceived them. This happens to all of us and to some extent it is normal; However, this fact can make communication with our children difficult, since, when assuming things that are not, many times we do not ask, and misunderstandings end up being generated.

So the next guideline is this: ask whenever you need to, and don't take anything for granted.

This will help you promote a more real communication with them, more effective, transparent and fluid. In addition, it will make it easier for them to ask you when they have questions about any subject in question.

5. Do not judge him and avoid fights

The following advice should be specified; It is not about never scolding your children when there is something they are not doing well (although we opt more for techniques of psychoeducation, where what they do do well is reinforced and behavior alternatives are offered when there is a behavior inappropriate).

What is at stake, then, is avoid tending to fight "by system", and to avoid judging the behavior of our children. There will be things that we will like, that we will think they can do better, and they will even test us and challenge us... but, in these cases above all, we must try to remain calm.

6. offer alternatives

In relation to the previous guideline, what alternatives to judging behavior can we use with them? For example, make them see that their behavior is not being appropriate (when this happens), through dialogue and exchange, not through authority, punishment or arguing.

Children, like everyone, need alternative behaviors to improve their current behavior; That is why it is not enough to scold or punish, and it is necessary to try to use strategies that promote a real and profound change in them. So, don't just tell them “don't do this”, and use phrases like “do this” [X thing].

7. Remember when you were a child

Remember your childhood, your adolescence... What did you expect from your parents? Did you feel like you could talk to them, or did you often feel like you were talking “up against a wall”?

What do you wish had been different, to open up more with them? All these issues can connect you with the current situation, and can help you empathize with your children. Are you too nosy or intrusive at times? Do you appear distant frequently?

Do this little reflection exercise so that, through these questions and answers, you try to think about how to improve your communication with them: remember that, In addition to being a father or mother, you can try to be their "friend" and a support for them..

Bibliographic references:

• Comeche, M.I. and Vallejo, M.A. (2016). Manual of behavior therapy in childhood. Dykinson. Madrid.
• Ramirez, M.A. (2005). Parents and child development: parenting practices. Pedagogical studies (Valdivia).
• Servera, M. (2002). Intervention in child behavior disorders. A behavioral systems perspective. Pyramid. Madrid.