How to find yourself in order to be happy?

Traffic, skyscrapers, noise, rush... The postmodern society It is characterized by having a frenetic rhythm, in which time has a price and a specific objective at each moment.

As Zygmunt Bauman postulates in his "Liquid Modernity" (2000), at the moment stability is unfeasible and flexibility is advocated. This fact means that everything is ephemeral and must be taken advantage of: the information received, the virtual presence in social networks, social and work life.

And the personal? Where is our personal life?

A frantic society that does not allow us to meditate

In a world where intimacy and self-knowledge are in danger of extinction, the trend towards individual retirement is increasing. The hermitism or isolation in solitude It is a technique present through millennia used for spiritual purposes, but in the process of which it promoted the self discovery.

This is how, feeling buried under the masses of the cities, the solution aims to get away from them. Fray Luis de León already said it in his “Ode to retired life”: “what a rested life, the one from which the madding crowd flees 

[…] "However, being social beings by definition, to be" beings "we must move away from the" social "?

Benefits of loneliness

If hermitism has endured and becomes a social trend, it is because it brings benefits to people. Surely throughout our lives, we have retired at some point and we have felt a strange form of well-being.

• Oxygenate the information processor. Stepping away from the crowd means stepping away from all of your various sources of information. It allows to reduce the amount of information and that our processor recovers from the overload.

• Reset vital rhythm. In the same way as with information, our vital rhythm is also accelerated between skyscrapers. It is then when in a place where time does not escape, there is no room for rush and stress.

• Increased sentitivity of secondary information. After the informative detoxification process and with a more serene pace, we are able to process elements that we have always seen but, until now, not attended.

• Belief development. With no distractors around, we are able to use our full capacity to process the beliefs that accompanied us when we were in the crowd. Our ideas and values ​​acquire clarity and evolve, becoming more complex and contemplating aspects that previously remained foreign.

Loneliness dysfunctions

While all of the above processes are beneficial, they also carry certain risks. Even the most staunch hermits maintained close contact with other people, thus revealing that isolation includes certain deficiencies that it cannot satisfy by itself.

• Construction on maladaptive beliefs. Loneliness allows self-discovery by building on beliefs. Therefore, if the base beliefs from which we start are dysfunctional, as they gain in complexity, there is also the danger that they will do so in disadaptation.

• One-dimensionality. Isolation and the absence of others make it impossible to contemplate other points of view that enrich oneself.

• Dogmatism of individuality. As long as other perspectives are not acquired and wrong beliefs are developed, the individuality of the person is increased. In other words, one becomes more unique and his contact with the world less permeable. In this way, the social presentation of the person is difficult, since now there is greater distance and difference from others.

• Self-discovery social maladjustment. The three previous threats cause the person to decrease her social skills. Understanding that social life involves interaction between several people, elaborating beliefs dysfunctional, not including others and impervious, alter the person's relationship with their environment Social.

Self in the group: the key to finding yourself

Clearly, it was expected that there could be some inconvenience in solitude, since every coin has two sides. For this reason, it is necessary to consider other options such as self-knowledge through the group. Normally group relationships in this sense are characterized by dedicating themselves exclusively to leisure areas. However, with rules, involvement and intentionality, It is possible that the group has therapeutic effects that can be extrapolated on an individual level, beyond a few drinks.

• Heterogeneity. The most basic benefit of the group resides in itself: in not being alone. The three basic premises of the group according to Lewin (1951) are interaction, exchange and interdependence; and with them the group is able to share and cooperate. In this way, different perspectives and points of view are known, expanding their own.

• Belief correction. The first effect resulting from group heterogeneity is the correction of own beliefs. Sharing allows the self-evaluation of one's own beliefs based on those of others, discovering those aspects that did not quite work and correcting them.

• Adding beliefs. Many times, the same correction process implies the inclusion of external beliefs, since including other eyes allows us to see something in different ways.

• Social adaptability of self-discovery. While there is a place for the social in personal development, there is also a place in how to relate to the social. In other words, at the same time that different views of the world are acquired, the behavioral repertoire expands, the “what is the most beneficial thing to do”.

• Social self-awareness. In the group, not only does the individual self develop, but also the social self. Being in relationship with others implies a way of projecting ourselves before them, a different way of being interpreted by each of the other members and therefore, a unique way of dealing. This feedback gives us information about what our social self is like and, many times, we nourish our individual self from it. It is thus beneficial to observe "what I cause" in order to know "what I am".

• Resource management. A final aspect to note is that unlike loneliness, groups do not allow isolation from information intoxication or the accelerated pace of life so easily. However, they do have the ability to distribute these burdens, to share the uneasiness of the stress Y anxiety. Thanks to this, the individual's resource management is improved, many times necessary since, when descending from the hermitage, one will find themselves again with the madding crowd.

Alone or in company?

Therefore, there is no single option for self-discovery, to find oneself in this society. You can either opt for the solitude of isolation, or for group company. A determining factor to choose from can be as simple as financial status or dedication. Retirement is a more flexible option, which the person can carry out when planning. It is not the case of the group, since it supposes to attend to the disposition of diverse people. Likewise, other difficulties reside in the implication of each one of them with the group and the resilience necessary to learn to manage it in times of storm.

The options are exposed: look at yourself or let yourself be watched. In the same way that it happens before the mirror, we are aware of having two eyes, a nose and a mouth; but only before this do they show us clearly. It is then when we can understand society as that reflection of ourselves. Now, what is more real? Could you live without your reflection?

Another important tip: approach the day to day with positivity

Few days ago we make a compilation of positive phrases that can help you find yourself and face the day with more optimism, energy and good vibes.

You can read them here: "25 short positive phrases to better focus the day to day"
And we also recommend this compilation: "20 wise phrases to reflect on life"

Bibliographic references:

• Bauman, Z. (2000). Liquid Modernity. Buenos Aires: Economic Culture Fund.
• Lewin, K. (1951). Field theory in social science. Barcelona: Paidós, 1988.