The 8 types of family conflicts and how to manage them

The term family includes a group of people made up of people united by filial relationships, that is, parents, children and siblings or by relationships. This system is understood as an open whole, in which all the components are closely related.

Due to this close and intimate relationship, the behavior of any of them can affect the dynamics of the family. As is natural, family disputes and conflicts are part of these dynamics. However, there are different types of family conflict; according to the type of bond between people or according to the cause that originates it.

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Discussions and disputes in the family

Conflicts or disputes constitute an inseparable element of living in societyGiven this, it is made up of many different individuals with different opinions and ways of thinking. In addition, a well-managed conflict is established as a means for development and progress, so it is necessary to face it in order to learn from it.

Obviously, family conflict is something natural, since in the coexistence of the members of a family unit, with different ages, thoughts and ways of seeing life, conflict is something inevitable. However, the fundamental thing is not to avoid conflict at all costs, since that is impossible, but to avoid the escalation of aggressiveness and handle it intelligently and assertively.

At the moment in which a conflict appears in a family or family unit, instability also appears that can lead to frustrations and worries excessive in some limbs. In addition, old problems may begin to resurface that were not solved and that only contribute to making the ball of the conflict bigger.

Any kind of family crisis requires the cooperation of all members, as well as a transformation and adaptation to a new situation; since during a family dispute the rules imposed in the family context become uncertain and it is necessary to work on them again.

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Types of family conflicts

There are several ways to categorize the different types of family conflict. This categorization can be based on the type of relationship that exists between the agents involved in the dispute or based on the focus or cause of the conflict.

1. Types of family conflicts according to the type of relationship

Depending on the type of relationship or kinship that exists between family members, four types of family conflicts can be differentiated.

1.1. Couple conflicts

It is irremediable that disputes or crises arise in the context of the couple; However, if people are able to adequately handle these conflicts they can serve to promote the reinforcement of the couple's bond.

These difficulties usually arise naturally as a result of communication problems or misunderstandings. The most common causes of daily conflicts in the couple are:

• Communication problems: incorrect expressions, reproaches, emotional speech, insults, etc.
• Feeling of loss of freedom and autonomy on the part of one of the members of the couple.
• Trying to change the other person's way of being.
• Lack of problem solving skills.

1.2. Conflicts between parents and children

Depending on the stage of development in which each of the parties involved in the conflict are found, they can be subdivided into three categories:

• Conflicts during the childhood stage: conflicts usually revolve around the development of the child's autonomy. In these cases, either the parents are not clear on how to grant that autonomy, or they do not believe that the child is heading in the direction they believe is correct.

• Conflicts during adolescence: It is the stage in which the greatest number of conflicts arise. These appear when the children are between 12 and 18 years old and are given by the fluctuations or emotional ups and downs typical of this period.

• Conflicts with adult children: when the children reach the age of majority, it is the beginning of coexistence between people who are already adults. Which tend to have different ways of thinking and understanding how to live or organize their life, so this time also is liable to cause some family conflicts.

1.3. Conflicts between siblings

These types of conflicts are the most common and the ones that last the longest regardless of the life stage in which each of them is. These altercations are usually held for a very short time and most of the time parental interference is not mandatory.

The positive side of this type of conflict is that it constitutes a prelude to the conflicts that can appear in adulthood, and therefore serve as initiation and learning for adult life.

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1.4. Conflicts with the elderly

When an adult person enters the stage of the third age the changes that he experiences are extremely transcendental. Both on a biological level, when the person notices their own bodily deterioration; as well as on a social level, in which they appear events such as retirement, loss of friends or loved ones, etc.

This set of changes can be experienced in a very dramatic way by the person, giving rise to conflicts with the rest of the components of the family nucleus.

2. According to the focus of the problem

These conflicts are categorized according to the source or focus of the problem, and although they are described separately, more than one type can occur at the same time.

2.1. Life cycle crises

Each change or jump from one stage of the life cycle to another is usually accompanied by some conflict, this is due a number of factors such as new responsibilities, assimilation of new roles or events such as marriages, retirements or deaths.

If these conflicts try to be neutralizing or are managed in a lack of insight, they can turn into real family crises.

2.2. External crises

The origin of these crises is found in ** the sudden appearance of an unexpected event **. These events range from the loss of a job, some kind of accident, the death of a loved one, etc.

What usually characterizes these crises is the search for culprits by the most affected person, instead of trying to get used to the new circumstances.

2.3. Structural crisis

In this class of difficulties, old crises or events are repeated and renewed, causing conflicts to reappear between family members.

2.4. Attention crisis

These crises are typical of family units in which dependent or helpless people reside. In these cases, conflicts appear when the people in charge of their care their normal activities or their freedoms are limited or restricted.

Tips for handling family conflict

It is necessary to understand that in a situation of family conflict not everything is negative. A conflict can be a perfect time to learn new ways to solve problems. First of all, it is necessary to identify the specific causes of the conflict in order to work on possible changes on them.

Some tactics or strategies to handle disputes effectively are:

1. Practice active listening

Fully attend to what the other is trying to convey, as well as make sure that you have understood her demands and that the other person is aware that they have been understood.

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2. Watch the way you speak

Using careful language and correct expressions are essential to maintain good communication.

A good way to express feelings in an appropriate way is to replace reproaches with manifestations of what the person is feeling or in which they feel hurt or hurt. Likewise, it is necessary to raise or suggest alternative solutions to the problems that have caused the crisis.

3. Allow the intervention of all those involved

It is very common that in any type of dispute the people involved take their word off between them, or who do not want some of the others involved to intervene in the solution of the trouble.

However, this is a serious mistake. Since none of the parties involved should be prioritized and all of them have the right and obligation to intervene at the same level.

4. Show affection

Despite experiencing a conflict situation that can be stressful, it is important to continue expressing affection and affection; since these lower the levels of tension in relationships.

5. Finding the right time and place

Due to the emotional component of family conflicts, on many occasions people tend to argue at any time and place. However, it is better to postpone the discussion for when the spirits are calmer and the context accompanies and facilitates the dialogue.