What is an emotional manipulator? The 6 characteristics and red flags

In our closest environment there is always someone who uses emotional blackmail and all kinds of ploys to get people who they say they want to do what they want for them. unimaginable.

Emotional manipulators are people who, despite being very insecure on the inside, use the weaknesses and weaknesses of others to win a position of dominance and influencing other people to put their priorities first to satisfy their selfish desires, using them as puppets.

Then let's see exactly what an emotional manipulator is, what are its main characteristics and what to do to deal with it.

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The emotional manipulator: what are its characteristics?

Emotional manipulators are people who use emotional blackmail strategies to get others to do what they want, as if they were their puppets. They convince and influence using their great oratory, being able to turn things around their own way. convenience and using psychological tricks, in addition to emotional exploitation, to control the will of the other.

Emotional manipulation occurs when the manipulative person tries to persuade others to do things that suit only her, not those she asks for the favor. This behavior differs from social influence in that this behavior, which is healthy, is a behavior normal between people and is part of the give and take of all human interaction socially constructive. In contrast, in psychological manipulation a person gains profit at the expense of his victim.

Within psychological manipulation there can be all kinds of socially inappropriate behaviors. Among them is knowing and taking advantage of the psychological weaknesses of his victim, in order to determine the most effective tactics to achieve his purpose. Whoever exercises manipulation has no qualms about causing physical or emotional harm to his victim or showing a high level of cruelty to achieve what he sets out to do.

The manipulated person ends up being the victim of a situation that has led them to stop being the owner of their own life. You cannot do what you want and you put the other person above your own personal needs and interests. Their self-esteem ends up being very low, their self-respect is non-existent and they are insecure people who feel great sadness and dissatisfaction. And the worst of all is that on many occasions they justify the behaviors of their manipulator or even feel guilty about their situation.

Distinctive signs to detect it

There are several characteristics that characterize people who exercise emotional manipulation.

1. Few scruples

Emotional manipulators are people who do not usually have too many scruples to achieve what they set out to do. Once they detect the weak point of their victim they will have no qualms about taking advantage of it by appealing to the most intense fears and fears of their manipulation. By achieving your goal, little by little they will make the victim fall into a dynamic in which he will end up renouncing his needs and values, sacrificing himself to put those of the person who manipulates him ahead of him.

2. Insecure

Although it may seem just the opposite, the truth is that manipulative people are very insecure and have very low self-esteem. They do everything possible so that this weakness is not seen, hiding their fears, their weaknesses and insecurities.

To do this, they use a wide repertoire of selfish and dominant behaviors, showing themselves as superior to others, and making sure whoever they want to manipulate sees them as someone who possesses the absolute truth. No one should know how insecure they are because, in case it is known, their influence will fall like a house of cards.

3. Little assertiveness

The manipulator's insecurity causes him to have serious assertiveness problems. They find it difficult to say things clearly, although this is also a point that they use to their advantageSince not saying what they want first, using euphemisms and making detours, influences those who manage to manipulate. They use subtle means to get others to do what you want.

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4. Low tolerance for frustration

They do not tolerate frustration at all and do not take "no" for an answer. At the slightest bit that they experience this emotion or that they perceive that there is something that puts at risk their position built through lies and exaggerations and their dominance status. they are put on alert or attack from the most extreme intolerance and the most cruel and destructive criticism to disavow.

5. Victimism

They resort to victimhood using all kinds of exaggerated behaviors and reproaching things that have not happened or that are not so bad. They exaggerate health problems, show dependence and, if they see the manipulated person trying to free himself from his chains, they become the most defenseless and delicate victim. They may say that their world will collapse if the person they manipulate leaves their side.

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6. High level of demand

As a final characteristic of emotional manipulators we have that their level of demand is very high. The manipulator always wants more, without limit. He only thinks of himself and in a disproportionate way, wanting to satisfy his own ego through the manipulation of his victim, without thinking for a moment what the person he is asking for favors feels or wants. It feels powerful because it is like having a slave.

How to deal with an emotional manipulator?

The first thing we must do to deal with an emotional manipulator is to become aware that we have rights and that we ourselves are people who are ahead of the others on our list of priorities.

This should not be interpreted as that we should behave as emotional manipulators, but we do understand that we have wants, rights and needs that go ahead of anyone else person. Before helping others we must do what we want.

We deserve respect and dignity. We are within our right to express our opinions, feelings and wishes as long as they are not hurtful and aggressive. If we do not want to do something, we are within our right to say clearly and emphatically "no", we should not feel guilty about it. As we have already said, the manipulative person can react very badly to this, but they must understand what it is. If what you ask of us is a great sacrifice for us, or even hurts us, it is not wrong not to do so.

It is important to develop our assertiveness, asking him clearly what he wants. Emotional manipulators are not at all direct in their requests, making detours that make us dizzy and capture us in their web of deceptions. We must ask him clear questions about what he wants, try to clarify as much as possible what his intentions are, what he wants from us and what he wants us around for. If you do not ask us for something clearly and explicitly, we will not grant it. If he wants something, say so, but do not use his influence, do not give him that pleasure.

Over time, the emotional manipulator will see that his techniques do not work with us, and the most effective thing is that he has to make direct requests. These are much easier to decline and less frustrating for us in case we disagree. If we do not want to do it, we must express it clearly and explicitly.

If he has already manipulated us but we have realized later, something that will make us angry, we can use it for our own benefit. The situations in which emotional manipulators use their tricks tend to be very similar, so we can learn from the one in which he has achieved what he had set out to do. Thus, we can go thinking of an answer for the next time he tries again and use it to confuse him.

The presence of a third person can prevent the emotional manipulator from achieving his goal. The manipulator knows that her behavior is socially wrong, and he will not have the courage to do it in front of a person he does not know. If you do, you risk getting a dose of reality, making a fool of yourself, showing your insecurity and showing how badly you treat your loved ones. If even with these the emotional manipulator stops trying to manipulate us, at least we will have an opinion objective of a third person, who we can ask for their advice and use as a point of support to Free us.

Finally, the best way to avoid being manipulated is the most radical and obvious, but also the most delicate. It is about confronting the person who manipulates us, telling him clearly that we're sick of him abusing us, and that it's over. The best way to do this, to confront an emotional manipulative person, is to do it calmly, using logical arguments and, if you simply do not attend to reasons, leave, put your distance.

We must never resort to violence, neither physical nor verbal, since doing so will have a posteriori motive to try to manipulate us and use the catchphrase of "but remember what you did to me." We will not give him that satisfaction, especially when he or she has done even more damage to us.

Bibliographic references:

• DeGue, S. and DiLillo, D. (2005). "You would if you loved me": Toward an improved conceptual and etiological understanding of nonphysical male sexual coercion. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 10, 513-532.
• Van Dijk, T. (2006). Discourse and manipulation: theoretical discussion and some applications. Signs Magazine, 39 (60): 49-74.
• Braiker, Harriet B. (2004). Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break The Cycle of Manipulation. ISBN 978-0-07-144672-3.
• Simon, George K (1996). In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. ISBN 978-1-935166-30-6.