Friendship in adolescence: its characteristics and psychological keys

Friends are a very precious commodity, but they are especially so during what is surely the most turbulent period for most mortals: adolescence.

The friends we have during this period greatly influence our behavior. They influence the way we dress, speak, express our opinions and can even induce us to do things that we would not think of under any circumstances when alone.

Friendship in adolescence is a relationship of loyalty and trust, which can bring with it many good and bad things. Let's see why in more detail.

• Related article: "The 3 stages of adolescence"

Friendship in the adolescent

Friends are a fundamental pillar in people's lives, but they are even more so during adolescence. Although it is clear that boys and girls have their first friends already in their earliest childhood, friendship in adolescence becomes an aspect that greatly influences their behavior. Friendship, especially between the ages of 11 and 16, becomes something very intense, something that leaves a mark. Teen friends leave their mark throughout life, for better and for worse.

But why are friends so important in this period? among the reasons for them are the physical, psychological and emotional changes that adolescents go through, changes that makes them leave behind the child that they were, very dependent on their parents, and become people who seek their own identity Independent. Dad and mom don't understand them, or at least they think so, and they go to other people who are going through the same thing: other teenagers.

Entering the new stage strengthens relationships with friends and creates new ones because the changes they are going through unite them even more. A friend in adolescence is one who is living the same as him and, therefore, can better understand his fears, concerns and doubts than an adult would do. What's more, many teens believe that adults will laugh at them if they tell them about their fears about their age, something that other teens would not initially have to do.

The importance of groups of friends in adolescence

Although each person is different and the way in which he chooses friends in adolescence varies from individual in individual, it can be said that we can find some generic traits depending on the age. If we go to early adolescence, which we can place between 11 and 14 years old, (pre) adolescents tend to form small groups, generally of the same sex and with common interests. These friendships are often already established in childhood and their function is more playful.

However, as we progress more and more into adolescence, after the age of 14 the groups change. Childhood is completely abandoned and individuals are fully aware that they are adolescents and, with it, who have desires beyond mere fun or looking for someone with whom hang out. Groups of friends grow in number and mix with people of the other sex. Likewise, it must be said that the groups of adolescents are usually quite homogeneous, and friends are chosen based on the fact that they share certain similar traits, values, attitudes and ideas.

It also happens that from the age of 14 there are more sentimental interests, both towards members of the same sex and the opposite. This is why groups of adolescent friends can become the places where the first couple relationships between their members arise,

What do teenagers want from their friends?

Adolescents look to their friends for a group that gives them understanding, empathy and that they become people with whom they can speak freely without feeling judged. This is directly related to the fact that adolescents go through so many physical changes, psychological and emotional, a process that can overwhelm the individual if he is alone or believes that no one he can understand. As other adolescents also go through something similar, going to them and having them as friends can become a way to manage these changes.

Friendship in adolescence is a relationship that relies heavily on loyalty, more than at any other time in life. The adolescent seeks to feel accepted and welcomed in a group of equals, and wants to satisfy his feeling of belonging; He trusts practically everything in those people he considers his friends, sharing with them his doubts, concerns and problems. They expect them to understand them, not to fail or judge them, and to be willing to support them in both good and bad times.

• You may be interested in: "The 4 types of empathy (and their characteristics)"

The risks to consider as parents

At this point it is difficult for us to get an idea of ​​how influential friends can be in adolescence, both for good things and for those that are not so influential. Friendship in adolescence is a highly influential relationship, so much so that it can influence the way you dress, musical tastes, political interests, opinions on any subject and behavior in general.

The influence, in itself, does not have to be negative, but it does involve certain risks, since the adolescent may feel pressured by her peer group to act in a way that he would never do if he had pondered it alone. The reason you behave in a way that goes against your common sense or interests is the fear of isolation and the loneliness of refusing to do what your friends ask you to do.

No teenager wants to be left out or outcast for refusing to do something “cool,” and We put it in quotes because not everything they say is going to be cool is actually fun and enjoyable. Pressure from friends can help you try new things, have new experiences, and learn from them, but It can also involve delving into the murky world of drugs, social media exposure, and bullying. school. The adolescent can become an abuser or abused by the decision of her friends, who tell her that she is attacking or allowing herself to be attacked.

That is why parents must be aware of who their children go out with, know what the people with whom they spend so much time are, perhaps even more than with them. Social networks can be used to massively harass innocent people, and they can also be misused, sharing private photos because a friend of yours has asked. That is why Parents' education in these aspects is key for adolescents to understand that not all are worth being their friends, and that they must always put their well-being first instead of caring so much about the acceptance of others.

However, this should not be construed as requiring parents to seek friendships for their adolescent children. Adolescent children must feel that their parents consider them to be slightly mature people and for this they must have the freedom to choose to their friends, motivating them to have friends and to spend time with them, but respecting the rules and not committing serious mistakes. If it is the case that you are dating someone you should not, it is clear that you should intervene, but if it is not like that, you should not interfere.

From all this it follows that It is essential that parents meet their children's friends, take an interest in their lives and talk about them in a respectful way, without giving the impression that they are criticized or considered unsuitable for their children since this would make the adolescent interpret it as an attack on him. That is why we must opt ​​for a position of approach, inviting our children's friends home or meeting their parents.

Bibliographic references:

• Bohórquez López, C. & Rodríguez-Cárdenas, D.E. (2014). Friendship Perception in Adolescents: the Role of Social Networks. Colombian Journal of Psychology, 23 (2), 325-338. [Consultation date April 22, 2021]. ISSN: 0121-5469. Available in: https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa? id = 80434236007
• Martínez-Ferrer, Belén. (2013). Martínez, B. (2013). The social world of the adolescent: friendships and partners. Jan. Estévez (coord.), Problems in adolescence: responses and suggestions for parents and educators. Madrid: Synthesis.