My partner is very jealous: what do I do?

Jealousy is part of the most common relationship problems. In fact, in some cases to the extreme of psychopathology, and unfortunately, there are not few situations in which they go hand in hand with abuse.

However, if the jealous behavior does not become so severe and is itself the main problem in the relationship, it is possible to overcome it by taking certain measures. Let's see it in this article, focusing on this question: What to do if my partner is too jealous?

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

What are the signs that your partner is jealous?

One of the characteristics of jealousy is that it produces an effect of "self-fulfilling prophecy": it deteriorates the state of the relationship to a point where the one that, if not intervened in time, there are real reasons to worry about the possibility that the other person cuts off the relationship. For this reason, and due to the fact that the behavior linked to jealousy produces a lot of discomfort in the person who feels emotionally controlled or blackmailed,

It is important to detect this problem quickly, because if not, it is most likely that everything will get worse.

Obviously, there are countless ways to express a problematic predisposition to jealousy. However, some of the most common are the following (although they do not have to occur all at once).

• Shows discomfort when you go out with friends and stay at home.
• Try constantly to know who you are texting with.
• Sometimes he tries to make you feel bad about his jealousy.
• He tests very often the degree to which he appeals to you.
• In the face of uncertainty and ambiguity, interpret your actions as a sign that you like someone else.

What to do if your partner is too jealous?

These are several tips that can be useful once adapted to each case.

1. Ask yourself if you are suffering a situation of abuse

First of all, be clear that the priority is your physical and mental well-being, so everything must start from this question: am I being a victim of abuse? Remember that there is not only physical abuse, and in fact psychological abuse is very common, unfortunately.

If you notice that you are suffering the consequences of a spiral of verbal violence or psychological manipulation and that you cannot get out of it while you maintain a relationship with that person (since it is the other who has the power of the situation and poses a threat), or if you simply notice that the attacks of the other person compromise your physical or mental integrity in a would be, break the relationship as soon as possible and stop dealing with that person.

• You may be interested in: "The types of jealousy and their different characteristics"

2. Express yourself assertively

If you have determined that the jealous behavior of your partner does not constitute abuse, you should also let him know that the priority is that you stop suffering those behaviors on his part: you should not let her be the center of attention when dealing with this situation.

Tell him assertively that you don't have to be suffering the consequences of his jealousy and that you can help him, but the ultimate responsibility is hers, and it should be a process he takes care of without having to constantly appeal to your goodwill, be it asking for favors or demanding things from you. you.

3. Help him detect and recognize jealousy problems as such

When she does something that shows her predisposition to jealousy, call her attention to it., at that moment. It is important that you do it just when it happens, so that he learns to associate this kind of behavior with the concept of “problematic jealousy”.

4. Help him accept himself

Many times, jealousy problems arise mainly from a problem of personal insecurities and low self-esteem. This is what may be happening to your partner. So, it does not hurt that they reinforce their ability to accept and love themselves, talking about what he likes about her. One of the implications of this is that there is no point in expecting you to go with someone else, because you are not with your partner for arbitrary reasons but it really gives you what no one else contributes.

5. Practice guided imagery exercises

This is a resource used in psychotherapy, but you can also try to use it on your own. It consists of closing the eyes and vividly imagining situations that constitute a challenge or that produce anxiety or stress; It is a way of mentally "practicing" and overcoming fear from the descriptions and narratives that another person is making.

In this case, you can help him as a “narrator” of imaginary experiences that normally cause him to suffer from jealousy, allowing him to get used to reacting in this way when it happens.

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

Problems in the dynamics of the couple can be effectively addressed and overcome from professional psychological support. If you are considering using this kind of service, I encourage you to contact me.

I am a psychologist specializing in the cognitive-behavioral model and I work assisting adults and adolescents, intervening in cases of dating or marriage crisis, problems in managing emotions, lack of communication skills, and many other aspects that affect emotional ties and social interactions in general. The sessions can be carried out in person in Madrid, or through the online format by video call.