Active listening: the key to communicating with others

The active listening it is a skill that can be acquired and developed with practice. However, it can be difficult to master, as you have to be patient and take the time to develop it properly.

Active listening refers, as its name suggests, to listen actively and mindfully. Therefore, active listening is not listening to the other person, but being totally focused on the message that the other individual is trying to communicate.

Active listening: listening and understanding communication from the speaker's point of view

Although active listening may seem like an easy task, this type of listening requires an effort of our cognitive and empathic capacities. Knowing how to listen is very important in communication, and although it may not seem like it, on many occasions we spend a lot time pending what we think and what we say instead of actively listening to the other.

Active listening is not listening passively, but refers to the ability to listen not only to what the person is expressing directly, but also the feelings, ideas or thoughts that underlie what is being attempted express. In active listening, the

empathy It is important to place yourself in the place of the other, but also the Emotional validation, acceptance and feedbackIt is necessary to listen without judging and it is necessary to communicate to the other person that they have been understood. For this reason, there are two elements that facilitate active listening, they are the following:

• Psychological disposition: internal preparation is important, being in the present moment, paying constant attention and observing the other: identifying the content of what he says, the objectives and feelings.

• Expression that the other interlocutor is being listened to with verbal communication, in what is known as phatic function of languageI see, umm, uh, etc.) and the nonverbal language (eye contact, gestures, body tilt, etc.).

What not to do in active listening

Next we review some errors that can occur when listening to the other person:

• Distract yourself during the conversation
• Interrupt the speaker
• Judge it and want to impose your ideas
• Offering help prematurely and with a lack of information
• Reject and not validate what the other is feeling
• Disqualify when giving your opinion
• Tell your own story instead of listening to his

Signs that indicate correct active listening

There are several signs that show the other person that they are being actively listened to. Below are the verbal and non-verbal cues of active listening, so that you can be able to adapt your communication style towards a better understanding and understanding of your interlocutor.

1. Non-verbal cues

Active listeners often show the following non-verbal cues:

Eye contact

The eye contact It shows the other person that you are paying attention to what they are saying and feeling and can also show sincerity. Combining eye contact with other verbal and non-verbal cues shows interest in what the other person is expressing.

Light smile

This assures the interlocutor that the information he is transmitting is being well received and that it motivates him to keep talking. Therefore, it acts as a reinforcer, in addition to giving a message of empathy.

Responsive body posture

The position gives information about the sender and the receiver in the communication process. The person who actively listens tends to lean slightly forward or sideways while sitting.

Mirroring

The automatic reflex or mirroring Any facial expression of the speaker can be a sign of attentive listening. These expressive gestures seem to indicate sympathy and empathy in emotional situations. On the contrary, conscious imitation of facial gestures (not automatic) seems to be a sign of inattention.

No distraction

The active listener is not going to be distracted, since his attention is focused on the verbal and non-verbal signals that the listener emits.

2. Verbal cues

Issue words of reinforcement or compliments

These kinds of verbalizations renforce the speaker's speech by conveying that one validates their point of view. Phrases like “you did very well”, “I like it when you are sincere” or “you must be very good at playing soccer” show attention from the person who listens. Although these phrases can be positive, they should not be used excessively, as they can distract the sender.

Paraphrase

Paraphrasing refers to verify or express in their own words what the speaker appears to have just said. In this way, it is possible for the sender to inform the receiver if the latter has understood the message correctly. An example of paraphrasing might be: "You mean you felt this way ???"

Summarize

A person who has mastered the skill of active listening often summarize what the other party just told you. This helps make it clear that you understand the other's point of view before stating your own.

Ask questions

The listener can show that he has been attentive by asking relevant questions. This way you can clarify information that he has received and show interest in what the issuer tries to communicate.