6 keys to a healthy divorce

Divorce is an experience unlike any other; in fact, many of the people who go to the psychologist due to the difficulties of managing it point out that they do not have references to know what to do.

It is normal that this is the case: divorcing usually goes hand in hand with both frustration and a feeling of setback or at least stagnation in the path vital, although these kinds of feelings do not accurately reflect reality and are caused by the distortionist and pessimistic perspective of the person who is divorce. For this reason, it is common for doubts to be mixed, on the one hand, and sadness, on the other (although there is always exceptions and it is perfectly possible to see this situation as an improvement and a reason to rejoice, for course).

However, there are ways to go through divorce better than others, and some of them even contribute to the bad situation, in the chaos of existing, passing relatively quickly. In this article we will see some of the most important ones.

• Related article: "Conflict Resolution: Crisis or Covert Opportunities?"

6 key ideas to properly manage a divorce process

These are some tips and guidelines to properly handle a divorce process, both in what regarding the management of emotions as well as regarding communication strategies and behavioral.

1. Relativize the importance of divorce

Divorce is, above all, the embodiment of a previously deteriorated relationship.

It is not so much what breaks the marriage, but rather the consequence of a crisis that has brought that relationship to an end. If you see it that way, you are less likely to end up in a state of psychological rumination, turning to thoughts of guilt or doubts about whether you are doing the right thing; Even if you make a mistake in some things, surely those mistakes will not be as important.

2. If you have children in common, focus on them

Putting the focus on the child or children in case you have them is important, first of all, because their well-being should be the priority if they are children or adolescents: they are in a stage of life in which they are emotionally very vulnerable. Therefore, you should not let possible conflicts between you lead to a situation of negligence when it comes to raise and educate them, providing them not only the material support they need but also the affection and the elements affective.

But on the other hand, doing this will also be emotionally beneficial for you, adults who get divorced. Looking out for the interest of the son or daughter creates a relationship framework in which even if the marriage has come to an end, you have something in common on which bridges can be built. This way you will be less likely to be very "defensive" when dealing with the other.

• You may be interested in: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

3. Do not speak ill of your ex-partner

If you do, you will not only be hurting that person, but you will make it easier for the social circles with which you usually interact to expect you to adopt a hostile mentality towards your divorce, and this will encourage you to do so to meet those expectations.

In addition, it is very likely that in some way or another those bad words reach the ears of your ex-partner, contributing to the conflict becoming bigger and bigger due to the snowball effect.

4. Do not assume that it is a stage of your life

Divorce is in any case the final stage of marriage as an entity regulated by law, but it does not have to be a phase of your life, that is, a stage that permeates everything you say and do during those days and weeks. Apart from that process, there are many other activities that may have nothing to do with it. And above all, don't feel bad if you think your divorce doesn't make you feel as bad as you see it do. feel other people: there is no right or wrong way to feel when it comes to divorce.

5. If you need it, unburden yourself by talking to someone

In most cases, Putting into words what we feel when we feel bad emotionally helps us overcome what happens to us. Therefore, do not be shy when seeking help from friends, family, support groups of people who go through similar situations, etc.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional labeling: what is it and what is it for in psychotherapy"

6. If you need it, seek professional help

Feeling bad about getting divorced is not a psychological disorder, but still may be a perfectly valid reason to seek psychological help from the hand of professionals.

Are you interested in receiving professional psychological support?

The process of going through divorce is an experience that overwhelms many people, and therefore, it is normal to resort to psychological assistance services in such cases. If this is your case and you are considering going to the psychologist, I invite you to contact me. I am an expert psychologist in the cognitive-behavioral model and I attend in person in Madrid and through online sessions by video call.