Can you resume a relationship after an infidelity?

It is very common, both in our daily life and in the professional field of a psychologist, that we know cases of couples in which an infidelity occurs. In these situations, the question usually appears... is it preferable to cut the relationship or can it continue?

In this article we will examine the question of if it is possible to resume the relationship after an infidelity, with all that this entails, or it is better to end this relationship.

• Related article: "Infidelity: the second most important problem in relationships"

The importance of shared values

It is important to note that the situation and the suffering that can be generated will largely depend on the values ​​that sustain a relationship. If in the values ​​of the couple the breakdown of monogamy is not seen as a betrayal, obviously, the suffering is much less or nonexistent.

It is also important to know what type of infidelity we are talking about (sexual, more emotional, digital ...) and how both members of the couple perceive it.

Equally important is assessing why the infidelity has occurred; especially, if this has happened due to a basic problem in the relationship that must be solved, such as the routine of the partner or a behavior pattern based on the lack of impulse control, among other causes.

Intervention in couples therapy

The psychologist will help to find out why this infidelity has occurred, but it is not about the search for "Guilty" but to find possible deficiencies in the relationship or specific behaviors that are the object of gets better.

As well, It is a complex and personal matter but in which the psychologist or psychologist can help. How can you do it? Why is professional help appropriate in these situations?

It is a complex issue that can cause great suffering for both parties. Obviously someone who has been unfaithful feels bad, but also the person who has been unfaithful usually has to handle feelings of guilt, frustration ...

The person who has been unfaithful may feel lost, not knowing whether to forgive, whether to cut off the relationship, whether to take revenge, whether to be angry or sad... The person who has been unfaithful He does not know how to act, whether to talk about it, whether to shut up, if being more affectionate, if acting normally... and this, in turn, generates a tension in the relationship that makes coexistence very difficult and that can wear it down to the point of rupture.

Can the love relationship be resumed?

It is true that if both have attended therapy together and wish to continue with their relationship (we find situations in which only one party is the one who attends therapy), that will be what is sought in the first instance, but if the relationship does not allow them to be happy, which is more frequent if it infidelity there other insurmountable deficiencies, tools will be given so that the person detects it and is able to continue on its own.

We have to take into account that It will always be the one who comes to consult who makes the decisions. The psychologist cannot tell you whether or not to continue the relationship, but he can give you tools to work on the expression of feelings, to work on forgiveness, guilt, self-esteem, confidence…. and that the relationship can continue if you both decide, working so that this infidelity does not mean the end of the break if It is not what is desired and working so that this infidelity does not suppose a trauma that affects the present and future of the person.

Located in Valencia is the Mariva Psicólogos psychology center, specialized in couples therapy and, specifically, in the work of problems due to infidelities. In this center both the emotions and the behavior of both parties are worked on, as well as the communication of the couple and decide if you work on forgiveness, if you are in the process of anger and rage, if you should work on trust, etc.

In short, we work so that the couple and each part of it (that is, both people) feel good on a mental level. For this, strategies are developed to accompany them in their decisions, giving them the tools to achieve their goals, that the relationship solves their problems or that, separately, they achieve be well. To access the contact details of the Mariva Psicólogos team, Click here.

Author: Lda. Marta Marin