Why are parents talked about during psychotherapy?

In the movies, books, anecdotes of people who have gone to psychological therapy... in the vast majority of the stories about what a psychotherapy session is like, parents are mentioned and treated as part of the story.

Everyone knows the topic of the psychoanalyst and the couch asking and interpreting the role of the mother and father in the patient's life. It is not the usual way of working on this aspect today, but it is true that it is discussed and deepened at some point in therapy.

In this article we will see the reasons why it is usual to dedicate a part of the therapy to talk about the primary caregivers of every human being, both the father and the mother.

• Related article: "The 8 types of families (and their characteristics)"

Why do psychologists ask about fathers and mothers?

Parents are our first contact with affection. We learn it from them, and it will be a determining factor in the quality of our future relationships both within the family and outside, in our adult lives.

Higher self-esteem, better academic performance, better communication within the family and a lower number of behavioral problems have been linked in various studies with affectionate affection and insurance. On the other hand, children who have less loving or fearful parents tend to have lower self-esteem and feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, or antisocial.

As parents, get a balance in the affection shown and the situations in which it is best to maintain a position of authority it is an aspect to which it is vital to pay attention.

• You may be interested: "Attachment Theory and the bond between parents and children"

Rules and limits

What we consider to be right and what is wrong, what to do and what not, are also details that we learn for the first time from our parents. In childhood we usually have limits, rules and consequences that can influence throughout life.

Do you reflect with your children about limits or are they imposed without justifying them? Children need limits, care and attention, adolescents freedom and guidance, and young adults peace and privacy. Adults who were listened to, spoken correctly, and treated patiently in childhood tend to have better mental and emotional health.

Can only parents be a reference?

Although parents are the adult figures of reference for most people, this is not the case in all cases. Teachers, coaches, siblings, social workers, or psychologists They can exercise this role of reference figures, especially for people whose parents have not been able or have not known how to take care of them. The blood relation is not a requirement for this type of role.

In addition, in a hyper-connected world, many new figures of reference and role models may appear, including they are called "influencers" who can condition both people and their way of coexistence daily.

In psychotherapy, it is important to find out what these reference figures have been in the person's life to be able to deepen both the problems of the present and the healthy learning that can help to improve the problem situation.

To what extent do parental figures influence us?

As a general rule, and especially in societies around the Mediterranean Sea, we want to stay close to parents in some way when we are in our adulthood. Your opinion and how they make us feel can concern us throughout life.

Therefore, it is again important to find a balance in which we make sure to build a relationship with them in which this influence is positive. Knowing to what extent reference figures influence a person's adult life becomes crucial for therapy to progress and a collaborative relationship can be formed between therapist and patient.

Do familiar patterns tend to repeat themselves as an adult?

Observe yourself, meditate on how you are similar or different from your parents, find out what you would like change and what you would like to repeat and keep with pleasure... If we do not ask ourselves these questions in a aware, it is most likely that we will repeat what we have learned without being this neither healthy nor positive.