Self-improvement through resilience
We usually associate the traumatic events or difficult as a negative and we tend to feel sorry or sorry for the people who are going through them, but I wish I could offer the other side of the coin. We can learn from them and grow in various aspects of our lives thanks to bad spells or moments that have caused us a great psychological impact. This is not why we should downplay the event's importance or severity, but rather the fact that it has both negative and positive aspects and focus on the latter.
Surely an event comes to mind that since it happened, your life has never been the same again, and it is common for you to believe that things are better now than before. Because, after all, most of us are capable of turning the page to these bad moments.
This is precisely what I want to talk about today, the resilience.
What is resilience?
Resilience is the ability to face life's adversities, emerging stronger from them. It is the result of a dynamic process that varies according to the circumstances, the nature of the situation, the context and the life stage of the individual, which can be expressed differently depending on the culture (Manciaux et al., 2001).
As a process that it is, it is not so much the person himself, but his evolution and the process of structuring his own life history (Cynulnik, 2001).
How are people resilient?
To know what resilient people are like, nothing better than reading the article by Bertrand Regader titled "The resilient personality: are you a strong person?“, Where you can have a more extensive view on this issue. The fundamental characteristics of the resilient personality, summarized, are the following:
They are confident in themselves and in their ability to cope.
They have social support.
They have a meaningful purpose in life.
They believe that they can influence what happens around them.
They know that you can learn from positive experiences as well as negative ones.
They conceive and face life in a more optimistic, enthusiastic and energetic way.
They are curious people and open to new experiences.
They have high levels of positive emotionality.
Cope with difficult experiences using el humor, creative exploration and optimistic thinking (Fredickson and Tugade, 2003). East positive change that experience the result of the fighting process leads them to a better situation than they were in before the event occurred (Calhoun and Tedechi, 1999). The changes can be in oneself (at the individual level), in interpersonal relationships (with other people) and in the philosophy of life.
Changes in oneself: increases confidence in one's own abilities to face the adversities that the future presents. It is common in people who have been subjected to very strict rules in the past and from their struggle, they have managed to redirect their life.
Changes in personal relationships: the traumatic experience can strengthen the bond of relationships with people who have been in these hard times.
Changes in philosophy of life: hard experiences tend to shake the ideas on which our vision of the world is built (Janoff-Bulman, 1992). The scales of values change and the value of things that were previously ignored or taken for granted is usually more appreciated.
Does that mean there is no suffering?
Of course negative emotions and stress are experienced, in fact **, without it personal growth would not be possible ** through them, it does not eliminate pain, but coexists with it.
Nor does it mean that there is growth in all aspects of the person's life, but that positive changes may be experienced in some areas but not in others.
Among the most studied life events are parental divorce and traumatic stressors such as abuse, neglect, and war (Grarmezy and Masten, 1994).
One of the best known cases on resilience is that of Tim guenard and she explains it in her book: "Stronger than hate”.
When he was 3 years old, his mother abandoned him on a power pole. At 5, his father gave him a beating that made him stay in the hospital until he was 7. The rest of his childhood was spent from foster home to foster home. He suffered mistreatment from the people in charge of his care and ended up in a psychiatric hospital due to an administrative error and from there to a reformatory, where he learned to hate the whole world and only the desire to kill his father kept him in foot.
The vicious cycle continued with more escapes, physical abuse, experiences in the street, rape and prostitution mafias.
From the age of 16 his life began to change and now Tim is a man of almost 50 years happily married with 4 children. She welcomes people with problems into her own home, guides them and encourages them to find new reasons to live by offering them a roof and a helping hand. This is how he fulfills his promise he made in adolescence: to welcome others with the same needs that he suffered.
Can we do something to build resilience?
According to American Sociological Association There are 8 things that are in our hands and we can do to be more resilient:
Establish relations: in these moments we have to allow ourselves to be helped more than ever and establish affective bonds with family, friends and people who are important to us. Helping others can also be beneficial in building resilience.
Avoid viewing events as obstacles: It is not possible to prevent certain events that harm us from appearing but the way we interpret and react to them. Think ahead and hope that everything, sooner or later, will change.
Do activities that make you feel better about the situation while it lasts: if you feel better walking, talking with a friend, hugging your pet, do it frequently.
Take decisive action: in adverse situations, look for solutions and act in the best way you can according to your situation. You will feel like you are doing something productive to change your situation.
Look for opportunities to discover yourself: think about those things that you have learned thanks to this and in what aspects you have improved. You will see that the suffering has not been in vain and that you have grown in this process, look at all the things that you have gained and not those that you have left behind.
Cultivate a positive view of yourself: Trust in your abilities to resolve the conflicts you are going through and how valid you are.
Don't lose hopea: no matter how black the sky is, the sun will always rise. Visualize yourself in the situation you want to be in and not in what you fear.
Take care of yourself: Pay attention to your needs and wants. It will help you to keep your body and mind healthy and ready to face the situation you are experiencing.
Bibliographic references:
- Poseck, V., Carbelo, B., Vecina, M. (2006). The traumatic experience from positive psychology: resilience and post-traumatic growth. Roles of the Psychologist. Vol. 27 (1). 40-49.
- Gómez Campos, A. M. (2008). Ten Actions to Build Resilience. Briefcase. Retrieved November 12 from: http://search.proquest.com/docview/334389604?accountid=15299