I have everything, but I'm not happy

Does the phrase ring a bell? It turns out that you have the life you always wanted to lead: you have the job you always dreamed of, a wonderful partner and children, a car, a house and enough free time to travel and be with friends. But, nevertheless, you are not happy. Because?

Oddly enough, it is a much more common thought than you might imagine. Next, we explain to you what this annoying idea is due to.

'I'm not happy'. Is this true?

The first point to keep in mind is that a thought does not always correspond to something real. I explain. Too often, our thoughts seem like something like a sentence, and, therefore, we believe them at face value.. The first piece of good news is this: not all thoughts are true.

If thoughts are, plain and simple, words that are repeated quite randomly in our head, we must take enough perspective on them to be able to have a more realistic vision of the situation. Thoughts are formed by our own impressions of reality and, therefore, impregnated with subjectivism.

Thus, faced with the repetitive idea of ​​"I am not happy", the most practical thing is to distance ourselves from it and question its veracity.

• Related article: "On happiness: what is it that we all seek?"

How to know if my thought is a distortion?

With what has been stated so far, we do not mean that the thought of "I am not happy" is always an invention or an exaggeration. Sometimes, what comes to mind repeatedly is the result of a real problem, and listening to it can give us many clues about what is not right in our life.

If, after examining the thought impartially enough, we still think that we are not happy, we will have to dig a little deeper to get to the bottom of the matter. There are moments in life, the so-called “vital crises”, in which we can feel that we have lost the meaning of our existence. Like everything related to the mind, there is no such thing as black and white.

Such a thought can simply be a distortion, as we have already said, or an indication that you are going through a crisis. If you don't feel capable of resolving your condition, the best solution is to go to a therapist.

• You might be interested in: "Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection"

vital crises

Vital crises occur when we find ourselves in situations to which we do not find an adequate response, since our usual way of solving certain problems no longer serves us.

A life crisis does not have to be bad, since it can test us and push us to find new paths that, otherwise, we would not have dared to follow. In this way, we come out stronger and more capable.

But it is undeniable that there are vital crises that can sink us. This usually happens when the person is unable to detect the arrival of this crisis and, therefore, cannot mentally and emotionally prepare for it.

We would be talking, for example, about abrupt breakups in a relationship, the loss of a job that we thought was safe, or the unexpected death of a loved one. These situations are called “accidental crises”., which the affected person is not prepared to face because he has not been able to adequately plan her response.

When this happens, many people tend to "look the other way", that is, to pretend that nothing is happening, when it is. All this only leads to frustration, discomfort and, more often than not, psychological disorders and depression. This would be an explanation for the very high numbers of depression in countries where, apparently, people "have everything" to be happy.

• Related article: "The 7 types of personal crises"

How to face these moments of vital crisis?

Life is not static; is in constant transformation. That is why one of the best tools to face these moments of crisis is to have an adequate response for the moment in question. And this response cannot happen by remaining immobile or oblivious to what is happening.

This does not mean, of course, that we cannot feel pain. Moreover, it is necessary that we feel it. A vital crisis always means the loss of something, be it a person, a value or a situation, so it is lawful and fair that we allow ourselves to feel the pain that the loss supposes us. However, pain cannot forever obscure the need for a response to change.

So, how to face these vital crises? In these cases it is very productive to ask ourselves what our values ​​are and if we are following them. We are not talking about generic values, such as "I wish peace in the world", but about others much more concrete, such as asking ourselves what kind of job we really want and if we really give so much importance to salary as we believe We may be surprised by answering no, that what we want is time to go to the movies and have coffee with friends and that, for this, we are willing to charge less and work fewer hours.

The essential thing is to be honest with ourselves; otherwise, we will never get out of the uncomfortable thought of “I am not happy”.