8 tips to overcome a couple breakup

Losing someone by breaking up, because I left you still in love, is one of the most painful situations that exist.

The emotional pain experienced is experienced as pain due to death, if the relationship has been very long or intense. In fact, many professionals talk about the same phases of mourning.

The discomfort is so extreme that we have the feeling that we cannot continue living, it is very difficult to continue with the day to day as before; there are times when you can have a lot of anxiety and people can fall into a major depression.

• Related article: "The 14 most common problems in relationships"

How to overcome a couple breakup and turn the page?

Pain is inevitable. No one can take away your pain. On the other hand, you do you will be able to cope better and, above all, make it last less in time, following these guidelines. They are not easy, I know, but the effort is an investment to recover as soon as possible from this pain.

1. Accept the situation and eliminate hope

If he has left you, if he no longer feels the same way about you, the first step is to accept him. It is very painful, but sometimes it happens that feelings change and there is nothing else we can do. She is not coming back. This is excruciating to think about at first, but only by eliminating hope will you place your ex in the past and

you will be able little by little to look to the future, a future without him.

2. Respect their decision

If you love him, if you still love him, respect his decision. He doesn't want to be with you as a couple. That does not mean that you are not important or that you have not been, simply things have changed, they have not disappeared. If you love someone very much, sometimes you have to let him go, no matter how painful it is.

3. Do not contact or follow him on social networks

And by contact I mean not calling him, writing him, asking for him... do not see him in his photos or follow him on social media. If necessary, eliminate him. If he seems aggressive to you Explain that you need not to see him for your time to get over it.

It is very difficult but behaviors such as looking at their photos, seeing if they are online, if they have more or fewer followers on social networks, it will only hurt you more.

In addition, when we fall in love, the levels of oxytocin in our brain, the love hormone, increase. When we see or listen to the loved one, these levels of oxytocin increase, with which the bonds and that affection will last longer. It is important to stop seeing him.

This is a very difficult point, but it is essential to be able to move forward. The most important to avoid prolonging the suffering. If you can't do it all at once (the most recommended), do it little by little. And if it is not possible for you to stop seeing him because you have children or things in common, do everything possible to reduce it to a minimum or find intermediaries in the early stages of the separation.

4. Express your emotions, but also talk about other things

It is important to share what you feel with your circle of trust. There will be days when you are very sad, other days you may be angry, others may not stop thinking about something, it is important to express it.

The first days maybe the subject covers a long time, but little by little you have to try not to occupy everything. It is important to express how you are at the beginning of a conversation and explain the situation or the emotional moment in which you are, but after a while try change the subject to try to get a break, and disconnect.

5. Do not idealize him

Try not to romanticize it. It is very common to idealize the ex-partner when they leave us: "I will never find someone like him" "no one is going to understand me as he did", and so on. This is not real.

You feel all this because you are in love. But the world is full of amazing people. Now the world does not interest you, but try not to idealize your ex and also remember the negative things about him (which surely he also had) to lower him a little to the ground and be as realistic as possible. Those ideal thoughts are the fruit of falling in love.

6. Recover or restructure your routines

Try to recover activities that you like. Do not be guided by what you want, because you will not want anything at this time, but even if you do not feel like it, it is important to make the effort to do things.

Use the past as a reference. Think about the things you liked before, what you did or what you have always wanted to do. Recover them and include them in your life.

7. Make plans on the worst days or times

There will be days or moments that will be more difficult for you. Especially those where you spent more time with the person.

You will not want anything, but It is important that you occupy those spaces with other activities that do not make the absence so evident. The thoughts and memories will come the same but occupying the time in the worst moments you will feel a little relief and it will provide you with a rest and respite that will come in handy at this time.

8. Stop asking yourself questions

When someone leaves us, many times we are assailed by the questions "why has he stopped loving me as before? Will he be with someone else? If I had behaved differently, would it be different now? "Questions and more questions that only wear down and produce even more suffering.

Avoid them, especially blaming questions and negative thoughts "I should have spent more time with him, perhaps I should have supported him more in ...", this type of questions and Negative thoughts do not have to correspond to reality and maybe nothing you would have done would have changed the outcome. Accept that you will not have an answer to thousands of questions. Stop looking for answers as soon as possible.

The pain in these situations is very intense, you can even notice it on a physical level: it can hurt the heart, chest... It is normal that you feel sad, allow yourself to feel this sadness, but do not let it paralyze you.

If you feel that you are stuck in any phase or some of these guidelines you have a hard time carrying them out and you feel that you have not finished moving forward, ask for help from a psychology professional to accompany you in pain and help you get better.

Author: Lorena González, Psychologist at Serena Psicología.