When your partner leaves you: the most common thoughts and their solutions

Although many say that one does not die of love, it is true that sentimental breakups are experienced as true tragedies for all those who suffer them and, even more so, if you are the person who has been left behind.

If you are going through this painful time, keep in mind that some of the things that may be happening to you are typical of a process of mourning (we speak of mourning when there is a loss in our life and, in this case, who we lose is our partner).

It is very possible that you notice very intense feelings of discomfort: a lot of anxiety, a huge sadness and, a myriad of emotions and thoughts that you have not had until now and that are probably causing your self-esteem to plummet.

• Related article: "The 5 phases to overcome the duel of the breakup of a couple"

Common thoughts when they leave us and the relationship ends

But what are those common thoughts after breakup that make us break down?

1. You blame yourself for your actions

Guilt appears if you put an excessive responsibility on everything you have done (or have not done),

as if you could control everything and you had failed. After being left, most of the time, the person blames himself even for the partner's reactions with phrases like “if I hadn't said that thing, my partner would have thought otherwise and I wouldn't have left".

• You may be interested in: "What is guilt and how can we manage this feeling?"

2. You focus on some aspect of yourself that you don't like

And you assume it's horrible and that's why he left you: "I'm too hysterical, it's normal that he doesn't want to be with me." All this it makes your self-esteem look very damaged when it is very possible that you are not being fair to yourself.

• Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"

3. Beliefs that you will find no one like it

An exaggerated idealization of the person appears, thinking that he is unique and wonderful. Now you think it totally fits you.

However, on other occasions you had thought exactly the opposite: that there were things about that person that you did not like.

• You may be interested in: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

4. Idealization of the relationship

As in the previous point, also the good things in the relationship are extolled, nostalgia for the beautiful moments appears and the memory of the positive things while the not so good things that we had with that relationship are forgotten.

To do?

Fortunately, from psychology you can find tools that help you manage this process much more easily. So, if all this is happening to you, you should do some of these things to get out of that discomfort that is seizing you:

1. Work on your beliefs

Work on the thoughts of the type "I will not find anyone like me", "I have lost my opportunity" and a host of other things along those lines. All those thoughts that you have regarding the relationship and that you take as realities at that moment are the causes that you feel that great discomfort, anxiety and sadness. Working on them is key to clarifying everything that is happening and feeling better.

• You may be interested in: "The 10 types of beliefs, and how they talk about who we are"

2. Increase your self esteem

That you feel inferior or that you belittle yourself is not going to help you precisely at all, but on the contrary, it is going to harm you.

You may not be aware of everything that can influence your life today, but having a healthy self-esteem is one of the basic pillars of emotional well-being. And breakups are one of the triggers that do not help to regain that self-esteem.

• Related article: "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"

3. Force yourself to increase your social circle

You may not feel like it at first, but it is important to go out. This can help you clear your mind, but also increase your social circle..

In many cases, after some time in common with your partner, you will have many mutual friends and it is important that now you also find a social space just for you, without being aware of your ex.

4. Take decisions

Maybe at first you don't feel the capacity to make the best decisions clearly; Nevertheless, Deciding which path to take and what actions to take is important, since having a few steps to follow gives us calm and peace of mind.

A psychologist, through the appropriate techniques and questions, can guide you in this process, helping you to take the perspective that you may not be able to have at that moment.

5. Ask for help if you need it

Today with all the means there is and easy access to a psychologist over the internetit makes no sense to be lengthening the suffering process.

On Psychologist Sandra Bernal We have the means and the necessary knowledge to help you manage these periods both in person and by video call.