How to manage dishonesty in a relationship?

Honesty in the couple is considered one of the fundamental pillars for the relationship to go well. Although the theory is easy to internalize, in practice this turns out to be more complicated.

Many couples have a serious insincerity problem, which, while not alone why condemn the relationship, yes it can contribute to wear out with the passage of weather.

Next we will explore how to manage dishonesty in a relationship, understanding the importance of sincerity so that any romantic relationship works in the best possible way.

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What to do when there is a lack of honesty in a relationship?

The fact that honesty is a fundamental pillar in any relationship is one of the most heard sayings when talking about romantic relationships. It seems that everyone is very clear about this truth, but it is also true that theory is easier than practice and that many couples have a serious problem of honesty in their relationship. They want to be honest, but it costs them, and over time this can become a serious problem.

But what do we honestly mean in the couple? we could define it as be honest with our partner, both for the good and for the bad. There are those who, for example, feel sad and unmotivated in their relationship, but far from communicating their feelings to their partner they prefer to keep it, considering that it is better not to worry her, and to achieve this they put on a mask of happiness, trying to deceive themselves as much as, apparently, they are succeeding with their relationship.

Another sign of dishonesty can come in a somewhat more toxic way, such as we may not like our boyfriend going out with his friends or continuing to relate to his former partner. Here there is a jealousy problem, which should be worked on, however far from exposing them or criticizing the fact that they are related to their friends, we prefer shut up because we are also aware that feeling them is wrong, that it is possessive behavior not wanting to be related to his friends.

Another example of dishonesty is being uncomfortable with what our partner does sometimes and, instead of saying it with sincerity and kindness, we prefer to be silent because we think that either it is not so bad or you will already realize what you are doing wrong. We also convince ourselves that we shouldn't be upset by something like that, or that we don't have enough energy to keep telling him over and over again not to do things in such a way.

We could continue to put more examples that show lack of honesty in the relationship, both for rather trivial things and for truly serious matters. To say that the relationship is going to be irretrievably doomed to failure for the simple fact of not being honest is not fair, but of course it will not be an ideal relationship based on trust and sincerity because, basically, that is what limps

How to improve honesty in your partner

Although each couple is different and not all formulas have to work for all, we can do certain things to manage the lack of honesty in the relationship. All of them aim to make the couple more transparent, that is, that its members are not so hesitant to say how they feel and what makes them uncomfortable about marital life or dating.

1. To be honest

This point is a no-brainer, a piece of advice that we all have internalized in our own manual on how a relationship should work well. But as we have said before the theory is easy to understand, the practice, however, is difficult to apply.

You have to understand that the lack of sincerity in the couple prevents having an intimate life. Real connection is missing because there are too many secrets, that no matter how innocent they may be, they take us away from our boyfriend / girlfriend or spouse, creating a strange relationship similar to the one we would have with an acquaintance any. Our partner is supposed to be our better half, and as such we should know the same about each other.

Either because there is a desire to like our partner or because of fear of doing or saying something that bothers them, we end up lying, repressing our feelings and opinions and feeling bad about it. These types of behaviors and emotions can be a heavy burden, so much so that it will end the relationship.

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2. If he loves us, he will accept us as we are

Lies and pretending to be who we are not is a behavior closely associated with the fear of being rejected for who we are. People are sociable animals and we want to feel accepted and for this we decorate ourselves a bit as we are, even if it means lying. Although our partner would have to accept us unconditionally, this fear of rejection is so strong that we do not even show ourselves as we are with her.

If he loves us, he will accept us in good and bad. We cannot pretend to have a good relationship if we are not sure that the person with whom we share very private moments is not aware of who we really are. So we have to make an effort and open up and see if it is really worth dating that person.

If unfortunately he does not accept us as we are, the relationship will begin to weaken and may break down, but that is better than being trapped in a relationship where the uncertainty of not knowing if we are really going to be loved because of how we are but we don't know because we don't show it.

3. Without freedom there is no love

Binding to someone should not be construed as loss of freedom. Yes, it is true that if we have a monogamous relationship, going out with other people secretly from our partner is not right, but that is not the "freedom" we want to refer to.

When we say that without freedom there is no love, it means that we have to share our opinions and behave in the way that we like the most, as long as it does not hurt other people.

Our own freedom makes the couple freer. Closely related to what we have already commented, if our partner loves us, they will accept us as we are, and this also includes how we behave and what we think. If you are not comfortable, it does not do much to continue the relationship.

4. Let's not blame our partner

Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, and what was initially a small mistake can turn into a snowball that increases in size as time goes by. Small everyday gestures can be misinterpreted and lead to big cases of resentment that will damage the trust of the relationship..

Before reproaching him for anything, we must think coldly if there has been a bad intention, that is, if they have been done on purpose. Far from criticizing him in an outbreak of acid sincerity, we must ask him why he has done what has bothered us and comment on it, without seeing it as a destructive criticism.

5. Let's talk things

Things are solved by talking, and by talking we mean oral language, not WhatsApp messages, or notes, or non-verbal language of doubtful interpretation. We should take our time to talk about those relationship issues that we want to discuss at length. It is best to mark a day of the week to do a sincerity session and discuss what aspects that may have arisen throughout the week have bothered us or we believe that our relationship could be improved.

Although there has been absolutely nothing bad to comment, this moment is perfect to reaffirm our honesty with that person we love, being transparent and showing that we care about the relationship and want to share everything with her.

Bibliographic references:

• Hussain, M., Price, D.M., Gesselman, A.N., Shepperd, J.A., & Howell, J. L. (2020). Avoiding information about one’s romantic partner. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520969856