How to differentiate love from emotional dependence?

The love of the most addictive drugs and the most delicious pleasures, if we know how to enjoy it with emotional intelligence we will get great results. But if, on the contrary, we let ourselves be carried away by a shadow that captivates us and leads us on very dark that has nothing to do with the wonder of love, is where we fall into suffering and desolation.

• We recommend you read: "Emotional dependence: the pathological addiction to your sentimental partner"

What is emotional dependency?

Emotional dependence is needing the other person as a means of survival, characterized by phrases such as "I cannot live without you", "what will become of me if you leave me" "I need you". Emotional dependence is needing the other person as something vital like water, food; therefore, if we do not have it, we cannot live as the phrases say.

It is to need love, love that you have not received and therefore you will desperately seek it in a partner, to give you what you have always needed, someone to love you, be by your side, give you attentions. There are a number of characteristics that people who have developed emotional dependence usually share:

• The person does not feel pretty, attractive, does not like her body, nor does she highlight positive attributes in her.
• He has a great fear of being without a partner, therefore you can find yourself in an insatiable search or be with the first person you find, because the simple The fact of knowing that she is single destabilizes her and causes her discomfort, when she compares herself with other people of the same gender or age.
• Your emotions fluctuate between anxiety and depression, and feels that with the partner it will calm down these mood swings.
• His priority is the couple, before your studies, your job, or your own family, you can leave family meetings or job interviews so that your partner does not get upset.
• They need to be aware of what the couple does or does not do.
• Put your partner's wishes firstRegardless of whether they make them do things that are demeaning or that they do not want, they do it to satisfy their partner, because she is well, beyond her own principles or values.
• Do you think that the world should revolve around your partner?Therefore, you are willing to accommodate your schedules to his or hers, or isolate yourself from all social events to spend more time with that person.
• You have an excessive need to be liked by those close to your loved oneTherefore, you can shape your tastes or preferences to be accepted by the environment, change friends, or places where you were happy.
• They lose their social skills, because everything has to be as the couple wishes, quieter or more extroverted, or stop being assertive, so as not to generate conflict in the couple.
• always feel inferior and therefore she acts that way, always with her head down, becoming "an employee" or "subordinate".

Differences between love and emotional dependence

Love is one of the most distorted concepts today, due to stereotypes and what society has given us. transmitted, on some occasions the message has been given that it is something unreal and silly, and on other occasions that it is something we should long. One of the first differences is related to what your partner makes you feel. When we talk about dependency, we are trying to satisfy a need, therefore, the relationship generates us to remove discomfort, on the other hand, in love, the company of the couple generates us welfare. Likewise, all the contribution in an attachment is given in a negative way, instead the love of a couple nourishes and feeds you in a positive way.

Secondly, the contributions that love gives you make you grow as a person and it is not rather a savior of problems, for example, I am with that person because I have no one else to support me, or thanks to him or her I have been able to leave my house, or there was no one else to help me. will support. Likewise, in love it is about living the experience, not about finding solutions to your personal conflicts and being the couple a set of tools to use to survive.

Thirdly, the issue of limits and sacrifices is important, in attachment only the other person matters, their ambitions, her goals and her projects, everything that you think, feel or desire is subordinated to what your partner wish, their dreams are more important than yours therefore there is no possibility of negotiating and understanding the couple. On the other hand, in love the opinions and desires of each one are so important to each other.

As a fourth point, we have that the most important thing in attachment is the stereotype of the relationship or the label that is acquired from being married, or having a partner, on the other hand, in love what prevails is the person, beyond what one wants to pretend. As a fifth point, in attachment what matters is what the couple has to offer us or what has been obtained and achieved with that person beyond the affective bond that has been formed. On the other hand, in love, the important thing is companionship, enjoying the day to day with the other person, beyond the wealth or the material or social position that has been achieved.

Sixth, there is the issue of time, in attachment, leaving the schedule is wrong, on the other hand, in love, the person is free to dispose of his time as he pleases without being afraid that the couple will be upset or disagree with how they spend their free time. In attachment, the person cannot get out of the routine, of what has been agreed; On the other hand, in love there is flexibility and adapting to the new schedules of the couple.

And as the last difference, but no less important is the fact that the attachment generates that the self-esteem goes down, and in love it does not necessarily increase it, but that imbalance of self-esteem is not noticeable. first. In attachment, being the most important other person, the person is not accepted or loved as such.