How to overcome shame: 5 tips

Much of who we are as individuals has to do with how others perceive us. This means that, although we may not realize it, one facet of our identity is related to the image we project, the way others react to seeing us or interacting with U.S.

Shame is a relevant psychological phenomenon that has to do with the above. Thanks to their existence, we care about what others will think of us, so that in many situations we will be less likely to become socially isolated. However, in certain contexts shame ceases to be a help and becomes an obstacle, something that takes us away from what we would like to achieve and that leads us to an extreme form of shyness.

In this article we will see some keys to lose the shame and dare to take a step towards what we have proposed, despite the fact that this means having a social exposure that initially causes respect.

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How to overcome shame

The steps to follow below must be adapted to the particular circumstances in which you live but, furthermore, it is not enough to read and keep these ideas in mind.

You have to combine the change of beliefs with the change of actionsSince if we just stick with the former, then probably no change will occur.

1. Get used to exposing your blemishes

It is impossible to maintain a perfect image or to have others constantly idealize us. Everybody makes little mistakes, falls into misinterpretations, and is exposed to uncomfortable situations. The tension generated by trying to maintain that illusion can generate a very high sense of ridicule and a great fear of feeling ashamed.

So, you have to learn to own your own imperfections and show them to others without fear. In this way there is the paradox that they are downplayed by acknowledging their existence.

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2. Set goals and force yourself

If you stop a lot thinking about whether or not you should do what makes you nervous about the possibility of making a fool of yourself, you will create automatically excuses that will allow you to throw in the towel and give up at the slightest opportunity, even if it is not reasonable to change your mind of that way.

So, make commitments to yourself and, if possible, to others. In these cases, setting limits helps to expand the margins of one's freedom, since it makes it easier to take the step and do something that was a challenge and that, once done, it will not cost us so much to repeat it again.

3. Surround yourself with uninhibited people

The social context matters a lot. For example, anyone who has been through an acting class knows that the first few days, seeing others losing the shame makes oneself much more loose in a matter of minutes, getting to do things that never before had done.

This same principle can be applied to the little habits of the day to day, outside the profession of the actors. If we get used to being surrounded by people who are not obsessed with the public image they give and express themselves spontaneously, we will tend to imitate these patterns of behavior and thought, despite the fact that our personality continues to exert its influence on us.

4. Work your self esteem

If we believe that we are worth less than the rest, it is easy for us to end up assuming that there is something wrong with us that must be hidden from others, since in a matter of seconds it can leave us in evidence.

So, you have to work on your own beliefs to make these conform to a fairer and more realistic view of oneself. Taking into account that those with low self-esteem tend to blame themselves for things that happen to them by accident or through the influence of others, the focus should be in learning to see their own limitations as a product of the circumstances in which they live (and have lived in the past) and the decisions that one taking.

5. Distance yourself

Many times it is beneficial to step back and distance yourself from what you are experiencing in the present; that is, see it as a third person who is not directly involved in what happens would see it. In this way it is easier to stop thinking about what they will say and lose the shame.

Stop obsessing over what others are thinking and focus on what objectively is happening, just as it happens when we watch a movie or play a video game, it is usually help. Of course, only on occasions when shame is close, since in other situations, this has negative effects, by depersonalizing others and making empathy more complicated.

Bibliographic references:

• Broucek, Francis (1991), Shame and the Self, Guilford Press, New York, p. 5.
• Fossum, Merle A.; Mason, Marilyn J. (1986), Facing Shame: Families in Recovery, W.W. Norton, p. 5.