How to overcome feelings of guilt, in 8 keys

We have all ever found ourselves in a situation that we have managed as best we could, perhaps without having the necessary information or patience, causing discomfort to another person.

In situations like this, it is common for the feeling of guilt to appear. But... what is guilt? It is a negative emotion that has a great psychological function: it helps us to reflect on our behavior and attitudes in order to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

Although it has a positive side, guilt can turn against us when it provokes intrusive thoughts that tie us to some unfortunate moment in our lives.

• Related article: "The 4 types of self-esteem: how do you value yourself?"

Guilt feelings: why do they appear?

Guilt can have different causes and origins. In certain people, it may be due to an emotion that began in childhood due to certain dysfunctional relationships with other family members or with peers. As a result of this bad psychological experience, the individual can crystallize this feeling of guilt even in adulthood.

At the extreme of this feeling we find 'extreme guilt'. It is a dysfunctional and unnecessary discomfort that our own mind and thoughts create. It is vital, in these cases, to know how to identify the causes that cause this discomfort.

Guilt may be caused by certain cognitive distortions that make our thinking work based on biases and partial and irrational interpretations of reality. These thought patterns push us to take certain day-to-day situations to the extreme, ordering them as good or bad, which can lead to extreme interpretations that provoke us emotional damage.

In addition, people who have a tendency to feel guilty tend to simplify their experiences and are not able to take perspective and / or relativize what happens to them, so that they tend to be especially negative when evaluating said experiences.

Low self-esteem, a factor that explains guilt

Different studies have indicated that a common factor among people with feelings of guilt is low self-esteem. This problem is the cause and effect of poorly functional social relationships, with a submissive relationship scheme.

The way in which we deal with this emotion is also a key point to understand the feeling of guilt, which can lead to a negative or positive experience.

How to overcome feelings of guilt?

First of all, when we experience feelings of guilt we must realize that we are facing a feeling that plays a role in our psyche, since it helps us learn from mistakes that we have committed and will not repeat them in future.

In addition, psychologists point out that trying to repress this experience of pain and guilt is not an effective strategy when it comes to coping. For these reasons, it is crucial that we know how to reflect and have certain tools to understand guilt and overcome it.

1. Face the situation objectively

To control this obsessive thinking derived from guilt, it is important to face each situation in a positive way, understanding the part of responsibility that falls to us but also knowing how to weigh the different variables that may have influenced what happened.

2. Understand that everything is part of learning

Guilt is the way our mind tells us that there is something we have done wrong. This should not make us sad, but rather make us think about how we can improve in the future. You have to use guilt to learn and improve as people.

3. Practice self-compassion

To get rid of feelings of guilt, we must also practice self-compassion, that is, know how to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we may have made in the past. It's not about falling into it victimhood, but simply weigh the situations to understand well what we could do better.

4. Understand the complexity of the circumstances

There are situations in which circumstances cannot be controlled and we are overcome by a host of factors. This is a key point: assessing the influence of variables beyond our control will also make us relativize each situation, and therefore our responsibility will be much more delimited.

5. Apologize (if necessary)

Taking responsibility can translate into taking certain concrete actions. For instance, If you have the feeling that you did wrong with someone, it is a good idea not to let the time pass and apologize. This will make us have a better vision of ourselves, and be able to reconcile with this episode from the past.

6. Turn page

And even if we are certain that we have acted unethically and feel guilty about something, we must have the courage to turn the page. We all make mistakes in life, and if it is not in our hands to correct them, the most sensible thing is to learn from the mistake and move forward, forgiving ourselves.

7. Explain the situation to a close person

To take perspective of the situation It may be a good idea to explain your concerns to a close person, such as a friend or family member.. This way they can give you their opinion, and you may find that the situation that disturbs you has escaped your control, so that the feeling of guilt can be alleviated.

8. Go to psychological therapy

Sometimes these feelings of guilt can settle in our minds and plunge us into a state of sadness, anxiety, and invasive thoughts. In these cases, it is highly recommended that you seek the services of a mental health professional.

If you are immersed in a spiral of negativity, a psychologist can offer you a series of resources to help you return to being yourself.