Conscious listening: why listening from love matters

Try to imagine a situation in which you were trying to tell something to a friend and they have not stopped interrupting you with phrases such as: "that same thing happened to me when ..." and he begins to tell you his personal anecdote without allowing you to finish the yours. Or when you try to tell him about an argument you have had with a friend and he tries to ask you questions that divert the thread of the conversation: "by the way, how is his father?"

Although we often do it unconsciously, this type of interruption is a clear sign of a lack of attention, active listening, empathy and, also, love. It is not a conscious, or deep listening. And this has consequences in our social relationships.

• Related article: "Active listening: the key to communicating with others"

What is mindful listening?

Deep or mindful listening is the kind of listening they reside in attention, empathy and love for the other. It is an act of generosity, because through listening we give our interlocutor time and space in our mind and heart, as if we welcomed a guest making room for him in our inner home.

Human beings have the need to be heard, so the lack of this element can hinder the interaction of the social relationship and cause conflicts. In this way, it is difficult for the relationship to prosper and be fruitful, since there is no true communicative exchange between the two that originates from love. It works as if we were saying to the other: "There is no space for you in me."

The truth is that most people do not know how to listen. Often times, we don't pay enough attention to the person next to us. Not only because of the amount of stimuli we receive from around us (for example, the mobile phone).

This happens also because we are immersed in our own mental noise; our attention is taken by our thoughts. We are more aware of what is happening in our mind, our concerns, what we want to say next or give an immediate response to our interlocutor than to practice a true conscious listening with the other, leaving them space and time to express themselves, to practice silence and then participate when I touch.

How can we change this habit? The fundamental thing is to change your habits.

• You may be interested: "The 28 types of communication and their characteristics"

To do?

When you listen to a person, don't just do it with your mind; listen to it with your whole body. As you listen to what he is saying, pay attention to the sensations in your body. In this way, you will take your attention away from your thoughts and redirect it to your body, creating a quiet space that will allow you to listen without mental interference, leaving a space for her to enter you and relating to her from love, with love.

If at first it is difficult for you to practice it with another person, you can start by listening to your body through meditation, or through external stimuli, for example, paying attention to the sound of rain.

When we practice conscious listening with others (it should always be) we will pay attention not only to spoken communication but also to nonverbal language; we will observe details such as tone of voice, volume, speed of speech, expressions facial and body... In this way, we will have a broader vision of the message that they want us to transmit. The idea is to try to go beyond the superficial message they convey to us.

The practice of deep listening has great therapeutic power for both partners. This is so since it allows the listened to go through a path free of judgment and full of acceptance, and the listener to silence mental interference and generate a state of calm.

If we modify our listening habits to practice conscious listening, we will transform the way we relate to others; leaving aside the superficial mind-mind interaction to turn it into a true and deep interaction of human beings who communicate from their essence.

Cultivate your inner conscious listener and learn to listen from love.