This is how you can overcome a breakup by improving your self-esteem
Nov 09, 2021
Being able to turn the page after a couple breakup is much more than finding a way to reconcile with those memories that that dating or marriage relationship has left behind.
And it is also more than re-integrating new ways of living and socializing as a single person into our day-to-day lives.
And it is that beyond how important it is to know how to adapt to being single "from the outside", It is also necessary to do them indoors, ensuring good self-esteem balanced. This is especially important because if this aspect is neglected, it is very easy to fall into behavioral dynamics that feed the feeling of loneliness and that it is impossible to adapt to Present.
Therefore, in this article we will see how you can overcome a breakup through improving your self-esteem.
- Related article: "The 8 psychological pillars to overcome a couple breakup"
What is self esteem?
Let's start by defining self-esteem. This is the combination of the beliefs we hold about who we are and what we are capable of, on the one hand, and our assessment of how we feel about it
In this sense, when our assessment of ourselves is very pessimistic, we have a low self-esteem, and when it corresponds more or less with reality, we have a good level of esteem.
How this set of beliefs and emotions relates to virtually everything we do in our day to day (after all, the concept of "I" is at the center of many of our thoughts), self-esteem has effects in all areas of life. And of course, one of them is life as a couple or, by opposition, singleness.
- You may be interested in: "The 4 components of self-esteem (explained)"
How to improve self-esteem allows you to overcome a couple breakup
Let's see what the process of turning the page after a couple breakup consists of through the improvement of self-esteem.
1. It allows you to trust your own ability to be happy independently
There are many people who define happiness as something that depends on having or not having a relationship. That is they adhere to the idea of "I am happy because I am with someone", as if the path to happiness had to necessarily go through being in a relationship based on romantic love.
However, assuming that is a mistake; it is important to understand happiness as your own responsibility. Each one must work on what makes them happy and then decide to share it with their partner. And this is also reflected in the way of managing an emotional crisis triggered by the breakup.
In this sense, it should be noted that to be happy it is important to feel capable of reaching a way of life capable of providing satisfaction with what is done on a day-to-day basis, and having low self-esteem is very difficult for this to happen.
Those who feel bad about their own identity are able to recognize that their way of life does not satisfy them, but they do not see it sense to change their situation, because they do not see themselves capable of it or, directly, they assume that they are predestined to the unhappiness.
- Related article: "The Self-Efficacy of Albert Bandura: Do you believe in yourself?"
2. Helps overcome feelings of guilt
After a breakup, it is common to experience intense feelings of guilt. This is because the unpleasantness of the experience predisposes people to focus their attention on memories of actions they did and that at the time could anticipate the outcome of that relationship.
These kinds of remembered or partially imagined images can appear again and again in the person's mind, in the form of intrusive thoughts.
But boost self-esteem helps to not focus only on the feeling of guilt, and to transform that discomfort into motivation to learn from mistakes. This orientation to goals to achieve makes you go from an obsessive tendency to fixate on the past to orient yourself towards the future and the good things it can bring.
- You may be interested in: "What is guilt and how can we manage this feeling?"
3. It is reflected in social skills
After a breakup, you run the risk of entering a lifestyle characterized by social isolation, by not replacing the time previously spent with a partner with more time to socialize with other people after returning to life singleness. And how much to this is added the fact of having low self-esteem, the odds of not daring to meet new people or get in touch with old friends.
Therefore, strengthening self-esteem helps to function better in these relatively complex situations of enrich your own social life, without being completely intimidated by the new sensations that this entails.
- Related article: "The 6 types of social skills, and what they are for"
Do you want to start a psychotherapy or coaching process?
If you want to have psychological support, we invite you to get in touch with our team of professionals at UPAD Psychology and Coaching, from where we attend in person and online by video call.
We intervene in the areas of individualized psychotherapy, couples therapy, sexology, coaching, and sports psychology.