Child tantrums: why they appear and how to manage them

Probably most of us will have seen at some point, even in the movies or in an advertisement, as in the face of a refusal to buy him some candy or toy, a child begins to cry, throw himself on the ground and kick. We are talking about child tantrums, which can be frustrating for the baby's parents, sometimes not knowing what to do to stop it.

In this article we are going to talk about what these tantrums are, the fact that they are common and normative in most cases and some guidelines to follow to manage them.

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What do we call a child tantrum?

All or almost all of us have seen a child tantrum at some point, but rarely do we stop to think about how this concept is defined.

We understand a child tantrum to be the set of actions and manifestations, both emotional and physical, that a child performs. as an expression of your negative emotions of frustration or anger, experienced very intensely and expressed with great virulence in a short space of time. This type of explosive manifestation usually includes crying, screaming, falling to the ground and kicking and agitate, and sometimes also run and oppositionist behaviors to the contact or proximity of their caregivers.

Generally these tantrums arise from situations of frustration or lack of understanding of the situation, as a result of not being able to get something they want. They can also occur in response to an unsuccessful attempt to demonstrate progressive independence and autonomy, or even as manipulation strategy to achieve your goals if they learn that that way they get what they want.

The typical scene that most people imagine is the one that occurs in supermarkets or toy stores, although In fact, it could occur in any situation, whether or not another person is involved who denies them their wishes. Child tantrums can be occasional or frequent, depending in each case on the personality of the minor and their ability to manage frustration.

It must be borne in mind, however, that unless they have learned them as mechanisms to achieve their objectives generally it is something that the child does not do to annoy, being simply generated by not knowing how to respond to the discomfort.

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Is it normal? When do they appear?

Although many parents may find these situations irritating, unwarranted, and even worrisome, the truth is that the presence of child tantrums is normal and even frequent in the childhood.

They appear in boys and girls in response to frustration, in a vital stage in which they have not yet learned to regulate intense emotions. Also when they want the attention of their parents or caregivers, or when they cannot be independent Although around the year Of life some signs of it usually occur, in general it is especially frequent between the second and third year of life.

The tantrums should decrease as the child learns to regulate his emotions, being the most frequent that by the age of five they have disappeared or have been greatly reduced.

In fact, are part of a phase of evolutionary development, in which little will be able to acquire tolerance to frustration, the ability to delay gratification (that is, know expecting to reap the benefits of their actions rather than wanting immediate gratification) and the ability to self-manage in greater measure.

Although they are part of a normative development, it must be borne in mind that they do not have to appear in all children. Likewise, they can also appear in an excessive or altered way in the context of a behavioral disorder, as in the oppositional defiant disorder, as difficulty in inhibiting responses as in ADHD or as a response to misunderstanding of specific situations as in some autism spectrum disorders.

How to manage them?

Child tantrums can be difficult to deal with and can leave us paralyzed and not knowing what to do. That is why below we mention some basic guidelines to try to manage them.

First, yelling or hitting a child is highly contraindicated to stop the tantrum: more than making him calm down, this can confuse him even more and even cause discomfort towards the person in question. In addition, it must be remembered that the child is trying to generate his own identity.

What is recommended is stay close and be aware of the manifestation of suffering, but without compromising or pampering him: we are going to make him see that this attitude does not allow us to understand him and that when he behaves correctly then they will be able to speak. It is important to remain firm and not give in if we do not want the child to learn that this can serve to manipulate us. All of this should be done without showing rejection of the child.

Likewise, it is necessary to ensure that the child does not harm himself or others during the development of the tantrum, protecting him in this regard. Assess what causes it It can help us to identify elements that can be conflictive and work them with the child, as well as not overexposing them.

It is also useful to make clear the limits and the behavior that is expected of them, as well as once the tantrum has passed, start working with him aspects such as the expression of both positive and negative emotions, for example to recognize and communicate them effectively and acceptable.