How childhood experiences can create insecurities

Many people who seem to function perfectly in their social relationships can reveal, under certain circumstances, a series of very intense personal insecurities. In such cases it is striking to see how people who can even enjoy a certain level of charisma and popularity shows an irrational fear of revealing aspects of themselves that they perceive as blemishes.

In many cases, this type of psychological phenomena, which can occur in people of all kinds (and not only in which they have people skills) are the product of emotionally painful experiences that occurred in the childhood. It is a sample of the extent to which our past can condition us by “breaking into” our adult identity. In this article we will see how these experiences of childhood or adolescence give rise to complexes and insecurities in adulthood.

• Related article: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

How childhood experiences can generate complexes and insecurities

Childhood is not only a key stage of life because in the early years of our development we are physically very vulnerable and dependent; what's more,

in this phase we are especially prone to what happens to us leaves a deep psychological imprint on us, for better or for worse.

For example, in these early years, a brief interaction with someone can lead us to feel a fascination for a very specific field of knowledge, so that We begin to learn about it at a very early age and that determines our concept of leisure, our professional interests and our way of doing things. friends.

And in the same way, a bad experience can predispose us to feel very fearful in certain situations, or even to develop trauma psychological facilitated by our lack of resources to manage emotions at that age (although trauma can appear at any time of the life).

In this sense, fear and anxiety are psychological elements that, being similar to each other, are behind many of the psychological problems based on childhood experiences and that they can be kept in operation well into adulthood.

In these cases, the fact of knowing that we are vulnerable to certain situations that trigger very unpleasant or that lead us to lose control of what we do generate insecurities and complexes in us personal: parts of ourselves that we try to hide or keep out of our awareness (and that of other people) because we simply do not know how to deal with them. Our contact with these kinds of experiences occurred at an age when we could not manage them, and that bad drink prevented us from learning about it and maturing psychologically on that front.

In this way, the initial anxiety in the face of an emotionally painful experience tends to give rise to avoidant behavior patterns: we want to keep experiences out of our consciousness similar to the one we suffer in childhood, and that happens by adopting a hyper-vigilant attitude in certain contexts and by losing opportunities due to the possibility that a similar experience may occur. repeat.

In turn, as for years we gave up trying to face what happened in our past, it is possible that part of our personality expresses itself and / or develops in a dysfunctional way because of that emptiness or area of ​​life neglected by fear or anxiety.

As a consequence of the above, this class of vulnerabilities based on the feeling that day-to-day experiences overwhelm us (emotionally and intellectually) predispose us to feel incapable of coping with the difficulties of life. We are on the defensive, but at the same time, we assume that the best we can aspire to is to control the damage generated by our environment: try to cushion the blows.

This raises low self-esteem problems that further reinforce that predisposition to feel anxiety. In this way, a vicious cycle of insecurities, avoidance and low self-esteem is created.

• You may be interested in: "How to overcome insecurity: 5 psychological tips"

What can you do about it?

From what we have seen so far, some might think that since the past cannot be changed, psychological problems whose roots are in childhood experiences cannot be solved; that those who suffer from them are destined to see their quality of life eroded by these forms of discomfort forever. However, this is not so.

As much as the origins of a psychological disturbance may have originated in the former many years ago (or even decades ago), if they continue to exist, it is because they rely on elements of the present. And on these it is possible to intervene.

The clearest example of this we have in the operation of the memory. What we remember about our childhood arises from experiences that occurred during the first years of life; However, the way in which we recall and interpret these memories depends largely on elements of our current life.

What's more, what we think about and how we feel in the present influences our memories, and may even change them slightly. That is why no memory is an exact copy of what we feel at the moment in which we live the experience it evokes; it is rather an echo that is transforming, whether we are aware of it or not.

In the same way, human beings have a significant capacity to modulate the way in which our childhood influences us in the present. For example, it is not the same to see it as a burden that we have no choice but to drag, than to see it as a source of learning. And it is not the same to see it solely as a source of discomfort than to see it as a sign that, even when we were children, we were able to survive very complicated situations.

That is why in therapy, psychology professionals and patients take advantage of this bi-directionality of memories: in the same way in which they can be manifested through what we do in the present, what we do in the present can be used to make us adopt a healthier and more functional relationship with our past, overcoming problems of insecurity, dependence and unfounded fears.

• Related article: "What is trauma and how does it influence our lives?"

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