How can you help yourself when you are grieving for suicide?

We know that grieving for the anticipated (for example, a terminal illness) or unforeseen (for example, a traffic accident) death of a loved one, partner, or friend is an answer. complex emotional that can lead to periods of stress, sadness, isolation, depression, anxiety and even the deterioration of the survivors' relationships and their physical and physical health. mental.

We also know that bereavement for suicide is a very difficult situation that can generate many questions and few answers., doubts, confusion, guilt, recrimination, concealment, shame, and even the stigma of being the survivor of a person who decided to die prematurely but for different reasons.

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The psychological impact of suicide

The news of a suicide it impacts, there is no doubt. If it does so in the case of a subject whom we do not know, what will it be like in the case of one whom we do, that of a person whom we have appreciated, loved, treated... It is a fact that shocks, impresses and hurts us. Then

we close our eyes, breathe deeply and wish with all our hearts that it is not so... that such an event never occurs or has never happened.

However, we also know that even if we do not see it and that even when this global public health problem is not spoken so openly, as it is still considered a taboo, it exists; yes there is, and more than we wish.

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Suicide figures

According to the latest statistics from the World Health Organization (WHO), about 700,000 people commit suicide each year; Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death among 15-19 year olds, and the main risk factor is suicide attempt.

In fact, it is said that for every completed suicide, there are many other unsuccessful attempts. Hence also that specialists indicate that it is necessary to make the problem visible, to tackle it to avoid more deaths and ask for specialized help when required.

For its part, the National Institute of Statistics (INE), of Spain, published in its latest report "deaths according to cause of death", released in December 2020, that suicide remained the leading cause of external death during the first five months of 2020. Although 1,343 people died for this reason, there was a decrease of 8.8% compared to the same period in 2019.

Likewise, the Chair Against Stigma, of the company Grupo 5 and the Complutense University of Madrid (UCM), reported that, based on data from the INE in 2019, suicide became the leading cause of death for young people in Spain and that is ahead of the traffic accident statistics.

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Psychological support in the face of mourning for the suicide of loved ones

But let's delve a little into what to do when faced with the duel for this cause; a route of protection and management of the situation in order to advance in the best possible way.

In this sense, in addition to, for example, the assistance of the psychologist, also mutual aid groups contribute through which you can share different experiences, empathize, drain and know that you are not alone.

As a clinical psychologist I can say that (based on my experience and what I normally do in the office) when Someone seeks to be heard and asks for help for the pain that hurts him and that has no explanation, the first action of help is open a safe space in which the consultant can drain the pain that harbors the broken heart. Before any elaboration, the emotions must be allowed to be released, that is, the catharsis to take place, but without any interruption and without judgment. My first step, then, is just to let out.

Another priority task to help cope with grief is to propose a self-care program to avoid complications. For this, I ask for rest as much as possible or the reduction of irrelevant tasks, I invite the bereaved to think, to visualize yourself fractured in the depths of his being, so that he can carry out compassionate actions and that allow him to take care of himself same.

In turn, there is the need to build rituals that house the love that was maintained in the relationship with the person who died. We work on the idea that death does not mean the end of a love relationship, but the inevitable transformation of that relationship, but now on a spiritual plane.

Furthermore, in therapy I work on the acceptance of spaces, the blank fragments that a suicide will always leave behind. It is necessary to endure this emptiness, suspend the questions that have no answer, stop the imaginaries with which the sufferer tries to fill in the blanks... This is a difficult task, very difficult, but with support, those who go through grief can achieve it. It is a natural truth of our human condition that there are difficulties and pain in life, but not because we do something wrong.

Therefore, it is a great help to understand that the emotions we have, negative and positive, are precisely those we need to feel human, be aware and recognize that we are alive.

Secondly, walking the path of pain, without thinking about a destination, but being aware of the journey, will allow the bereaved to resist, process and elaborate the duel.

Power will help too construct a narrative of "death", including the word "suicide" and the phrase "I don't know" without burden or blame, and develop from there everything that is presented, everything that happens.

During the elaboration, it is necessary to allow and work to make sense of the suffering, and later to become aware or build a meaning with purpose in life.

Going through a duel finally leads to feel the truth of pain in the face of death. Through an active process he connects with grief and hopelessness, but step by step recognition and acceptance of losses must be achieved.