7 keys to knowing if you want to be in a relationship or not

Many people assume that starting a relationship is always a positive thing, but this is not always the case. In fact, there are many who participate in a love relationship of this type without practically considering if they really want to do that.

Therefore, in this article we will do a brief review of some key ideas that help you understand yourself and clarify what you are looking for in someone who is special to you.

• Related article: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons "

7 key ideas to know if you really want to be in a relationship

What you will see below are guidelines that serve as a guide for reflection if you really want to be in a relationship with someone in particular. Note that, taken individually, these questions do not refute or confirm anything, but if they are we consider as a set, that will give you an approximate image of your motivations when considering that relationship. The surest way to enhance your self-knowledge and find a way of life that fits your interests and values ​​is to go to psychotherapy.

1. Do you feel that there is no going back?

If you get the impression that your relationship with someone else is already "too established" to back down, consider this a red flag.

Although in some cases it involves making important sacrifices, any relationship can be interrupted by either of the two. people, and if for a while you have ceased to be aware of it, you may have been acting out of sheer pressure, not for love.

Especially harmful are cases in which a person considers himself the property of his partner, and in fact, these kinds of experiences can be based on dynamics of abuse (if both people see the relationship that way) that it is essential to cut immediately.

• You may be interested in: "The types of jealousy and their different characteristics"

2. What you like most about that person are your common tastes?

If you notice that the reason for the relationship you have with someone special to you can be summarized in that you have interests and hobbies in common, It is likely that you are confusing with love and desire to start a relationship what in reality is a beautiful friendship.

Remember that there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone who initially attracted you sexually or generated a romantic interest in you.

• Related article: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

3. Does the idea of ​​being single scare you?

Although the fear of being single is a very general phenomenon, it is still harmful. It is not a reason to start or maintain a relationship with someone, and in this sense, if you experience that kind of anguish, the process that will lead you to feel good is to redefine your concept of happiness and a satisfactory life project.

4. Have you learned to associate that relationship with the loss of your freedom?

If when thinking about that relationship you are in or that you are considering, having your attention is directed towards what you must sacrifice to stay in it, it is likely that this is not the option that really want.

5. Do you assume that frequent sex with someone leads to dating?

As much as the last few decades have seen a great deal of change in Western societies, it cannot be deny that there are still several cultural dynamics of a conservative nature that influence our way of perceiving the relationships of couple.

That is, although many things have changed, Beneath this surface of apparent progress, mental frameworks inherited from previous centuries remain, especially in relation to gender roles and the family..

Taking that into account, it is not surprising that although we no longer see sex in the same way as 100 years ago, it is still tied to the idea of ​​marriage; It used to be an incentive to get married, and now it's an introduction to the type of relationships that, if “consolidated”, lead to the altar. In other words, for many people it is the first stage of a type of affective bonding that goes through courtship and ends in marriage, so that if we do not go through those last two phases, it seems that the relationship is unsatisfactory and remains incomplete.

Taking this kind of prejudice into account is key to fully enjoying sexuality without feeling guilt, and without giving rise to relationships with little future.

• Related article: "Dissatisfaction in the couple and divorce: what factors explain it?"

6. When you are with that person, do you notice that pity marks your behavior?

Love and affection towards a person can take many forms, but not all of them are compatible with the project of life in common. that supposes a couple relationship. If you notice that you are with that person largely because you feel sorry for them and want to help them, in reality what motivates you to be with them is not that kind of love. Among other things, because you do not consider that relationship as a symmetrical link established between equals.

7. Do you feel anticipatory anxiety at the idea that you propose to commit more?

If from time to time you find yourself imagining with fear what would happen if that person were "something else", most likely, a relationship does not fit what you are looking for.

• Related article: "Anticipatory anxiety: causes, symptoms and therapy"

Are you interested in going to therapy?

If you want to start a process of individual or couple psychotherapy, I invite you to contact me to schedule a first session.

My name is Blanca Ruiz and I am a psychologist with more than a decade of professional experience in this field; I care for adults and adolescents with problems such as lack of self-esteem, mood disorders, couple crises, family conflicts, Eating Disorders, work stress, and plus.