How to improve the relationship in the face of couple problems?

Relationship problems are inevitable., the result of the fact that two people, no matter how much they love each other, do not stop being two individuals who have different points of view, beliefs, personalities and perspectives.

As couples evolve, going through vital moments such as moving in together or having children, new problems appear. These can be an opportunity to grow and improve the relationship, but they can also become what deteriorates if they are not properly addressed.

We are going to see how to improve the relationship in the face of couple problems, understanding how relationships progress and what they are the best strategies to deal with conflicts efficiently and effectively.

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The importance of knowing how to psychologically manage couple problems

In any personal relationship, no matter how much two people love each other, sooner or later discrepancies, problems and conflicts arise. It is normal because they are still two individuals, two people who each have their point of view, their beliefs, their experiences and their particular way of seeing the world. The couple's relationship evolves, changes and matures, going through different stages in which it is inevitable that some other problem will arise.

Some of the most common reasons for conflict or marital crisis are the following:

• distrust due to jealousy
• Dissatisfaction with the distribution of household chores
• Misunderstandings caused by not paying attention to what the other says
• Problems managing stress preventing it from triggering arguments
• infidelities
• Lack of sexual compatibility
• Conflicts with the in-laws
• Incompatibility of each other's hobbies

Many times the problems end up being solved by themselves or over time, but sometimes they become a dead end that makes a dent in the fabric of the couple's coexistence. The relationship deteriorates and suffering and estrangement appear. Far from seeing them as something that anticipates the end of the relationship, relationship problems should be seen as an opportunity for growth and learning. Approached properly, they can serve as an argument to improve the relationship, although of course, this requires collaboration, motivation and being willing to do so.

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The phases of couple relationships

It is true that each couple is a world and that their life trajectory varies a lot. It is not possible to reduce the experience and perspective of all the couples in the world to just a few paragraphs, but it is possible to point out three prototypical phases through which this type of relations. Relationships evolve and over time different conflicts and discussions appear that put life as a couple to the test.

1. infatuation

At the beginning of the relationship is the first phase, that of falling in love. In this phase the attention is focused on the common and positive aspects of each one, ignoring the differences and defects. Since the other person has only been known for a short time, conflicts are avoided as far as possible. since the relationship is still so recent and fragile that the slightest discussion could end with her.

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2. Start of coexistence

As the relationship progresses over the months and years, it takes on a greater degree of seriousness. It may happen that both think of a shared future, so they consider the possibility of move in together. In case they make that decision, it can also be the beginning of conflicts, especially regarding a lot of habits that they did not share before and domestic tasks that must be assigned. As there is more trust and intimacy, the two begin to show themselves as they are, the relationship begins to be more real and differences emerge, which can cause conflicts.

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3. Arrival of the children

This is a stage that not all couples reach, either because the relationship breaks up before or simply because they do not want to have children. In case they do have, the arrival of the little ones to the family implies a before and after in the lives of their parents, which can be a source of problems in the relationship. There is a qualitative change in the interactions within the relationship, multiplying the tasks with the care of the children. In addition, parents have to agree on what kind of education they want their children to receive, which is itself a source of many discussions.

As we have commented, these are the three most common prototypical stages in couple relationships, but it does not mean that there are not others. Phenomena such as change of schedules, unemployment of one or both spouses, change of residence, health problems, addictions, infidelities, arguments with political families, adolescence of the children or their independence They are stages that can give rise to many conflicts if they are not well managed.

Keys to improve the relationship overcoming conflicts

Taking into account what we have discussed up to this point, we are going to see a series of keys to improve the relationship by overcoming conflicts.

1. mentally prepare

It is highly recommended that, before talking about a problem, we prepare ourselves mentally. We should adjust our expectations beforehand so that when we bring up the subject, we don't feel frustrated if the conversation doesn't go the way we'd like. We must be very clear that when we present the subject, the other party does not have to perceive it in the same way as us.

As we said before, part of the couple's conflicts have their origin in beliefs, personalities and the different points of view of the members of the relationship. Fortunately, an intermediate position can be found to adjust the differences and solve the problem, although naturally, for this it is necessary to dialogue, because the solution does not come from the sky. You have to be willing to give in, making both win, never having a loser and a winner in couple conflicts.

We must also put ourselves in the place of the other. It is necessary to exercise empathy and see the situation from the perspective of our partner. Maybe then we can understand why the other member of the relationship is behaving like this.

And very important: asking for forgiveness is not for the weak. Many times, with a simple "I'm sorry" the first stone is laid to solve problems effectively and improve the relationship.

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2. Find the right place and time

Trying to talk about the problem in settings where there are distractions or at times when we are tired from other topics will not help us move forward. The more upset and exhausted we are, whatever it is, the more efforts we have to make to remain calm when discussing an issue. It's just not the best.

You can postpone the discussion of the conflict and find a suitable environment for dialogue. For example, weekends or holidays, without interruptions or pressure from work, are perfect days to communicate in a calm and carefree way.

3. Talk about the problem outside of it

One of the most common mistakes when it comes to solving a couple problem is treating it when you are immersed in it. Trying to solve a conflict while we are in the heat of the moment will only aggravate the situation, escalating it even more and leading us towards the great dispute.

It is very difficult to think rationally when we are nervous, angry and saddened by the situation. It is counterproductive to talk about the problem while we are in it, so it is best to wait for the situation to calm down a bit and talk about it calmly outside of it.

4. better without spectators

You should never argue in front of the children because, in the end, they are the ones who suffer the most with the arguments and they are still too young to handle them. You should also not talk about these issues in front of friends or family. The best thing is to hold on a bit, try to calm down and leave it for later. It happens that, when we have witnesses in front of us, when we argue we have the need to be more right and that makes us say comments or words that sometimes we don't think about but hurt a lot.

5. Do not bring up more than one conflict at a time

If we are talking about a certain contentious issue in the relationship, it is very important not to be tempted to bring up other problems from the past. It is better to talk about a specific problem, and look for solutions for that moment. If we open Pandora's box and start mixing problems, we open many wounds at the same time, running the risk of bleeding emotionally. It will cost us much more to return to sanity and try to find a way out for them.