How to stop loving someone who doesn't value me? 4 tips

For better or worse, love is something that comes unexpectedly. It does not attend to reasons or rational calculations of what is convenient for us from a realistic perspective. It just comes with falling in love, like a surge of emotions, and transforms our way of experiencing life in a matter of days or a few weeks.

For this reason, there is nothing to prevent unrequited love from appearing, or a clearly asymmetrical love in which one part of the couple gives a lot and the other does not invest much time, effort or affection. So many people end up asking a classic question: How to stop loving someone who doesn't value me? In the following lines we will develop precisely this topic.

• Related article: "The stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"

The characteristics of unrequited love

As we have seen, although couple relationships are made up (or should be made up) of two people who love each other and who form an affective bond, love can be given perfectly unilateral. Loving someone does not imply that someone loves us

, as many people painfully discover throughout their lives. But that does not mean that we should resign ourselves to passively suffer the consequences of that disappointment.

It is true that one cannot directly manipulate their own emotions, but we can take several measures so that evil moment passes as quickly as possible and we can direct our focus on life projects that do allow us to be happy.

Thus, the key is not to start hating or despising the person who has not reciprocated us, but simply to stop making it a priority to spend time with or thinking about that person. Reciprocated love does not stop hurting overnight, but if we do not feed it, turning it into an obsession and through rumination, its psychological repercussions and relevance will simply be extinguished in a matter of weeks.

• You may be interested in: "Why does love end in a relationship?"

How to stop loving someone who doesn't value you

To learn how to move on without obsessively worrying that someone doesn't love you, follow these steps.

1. Avoid reminders

As far as possible, avoid exposing yourself to contexts that bring up memories related to that person. Do it in a reasonable way, since in practice it is impossible to avoid this kind of stimuli. Take into account the most relevant ones, and adopt habits that do not make you think about them.

For example, change the bar to go for a drink on the weekends, or go for a walk in other places. In the same way, It is good that at first you do not have contact with that person, although that does not mean that you should adopt a hostile relational dynamic with her.

2. Take a distanced perspective

In almost any situation it is possible to adopt a distanced perspective that allows us to analyze what is happening in a more calm and objective way. This is very useful when working on love problems, as it helps to get rid of the idea that the psychological pain we feel in the face of the frustration of not feeling loved describes what we are worth.

Thus, it is a way to have a more realistic and reasonable vision of oneself, one that is not subject to the pessimistic biases that appear when experiencing heartbreak due to rejection by someone who does not care for us value.

After all, that person does not know us in a complete and exact way: his way of perceiving us is conditioned by the way in which we have related to him. her, which in turn is a way of interacting that we have not used with other people and that in fact does not have to be the same as what we do when we are around alone.

3. Think about what you know about yourself and that the other does not know

Make a list of positive things you know about yourself that you think the person who doesn't value you enough doesn't know. The objective of this is not to prepare a list of arguments to convince her to love you, of course, but a reminder that beyond the image of you that reflects the way in which that person relates with you, you have many strengths that you should not forget.

4. give yourself time

It is important not to set unrealistic goals for how long it should take to recover emotionally. If you think that in three days you will be fine and this does not happen, that can make you more obsessed with the problem, making it last longer.

So, it is best not to set a temporary goal that marks a moment in which you should feel good. Instead, set day-to-day goals that don't have to do with feeling one way or another, but with doing certain actions that lead you to get excited about other projects in company or in lonely.