Why do I like to suffer?

"Why do I like to suffer" is a very recurring thought in everyone's mind. It is something normal, typical of people without any problem. Suffering is something that seduces us, that becomes even addictive and, although it may seem unnecessary, we attribute some or other usefulness to it based on our sociocultural context.

There are those who suffer as a way to get the attention of others, others to show how hard they try and, also, there are those who do not want to feel discomfort, but are not able to flee from it.

Today let's explore the complex question of why people sometimes seem to like to suffer, despite how obviously unpleasant it is. Let's go there!

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Why do we sometimes like to suffer?

People are supposed to try to avoid emotional distress. Psychological suffering is something that, in theory, makes us dislike, pushes us away from it. It seems that adaptively it would make sense that when we hit a rough patch, we try our best to get out of it because, if not, what is the point of suffering if it is not to wake up and find a solution to it?

But the reality is very different from what reason dictates to us. More than one will have said "why I like to suffer", in the sense that sometimes he thinks too much about something that he can't do anything to change it or that he remembers over and over something bad that happened to him in the past, something that despite the fact that it was overcome at the time is still alive in his mind. The individual remembers again in a clear example of emotional masochism, becoming frustrated and feeling the same negative emotions that he felt at that time.

As surprising as it may seem, we all "like" to suffer. Our human nature pushes us on more than one occasion to think more about the bad than the good that has happened in our lives, largely to blame for the famous negativity bias.

We will hardly find anyone who has had only good things or only bad things, because life is a roller coaster and there are always more beautiful moments and others uglier, but to our misfortune the seconds overshadow the seconds, they steal the spotlight and for that reason we are trapped in a whirlwind of negativity.

It also happens that if we don't have problems, our mind makes sure to find one. Let's think of a person from the first world who is lucky enough to have everything: electricity, water hot, food, work, social security... you have all your needs met, there is nothing for to worry…

Well, our mind will make sure to make us completely ignore everything that many people in countries in development paths they crave and that we think of little things that are not serious at all, but that will thus become our mind.

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Stopping suffering is easier than we think

It has been seen that, in people without psychopathology, the secrets of happiness are not so secret. Scientific research, coupled with a certain iota of common sense, has been paving the way for what people should do to be happy. Yes, it sounds easier than it is and things are certainly not that simple, but There are many daily habits that we could introduce in our day to day that would greatly improve our way of relating to others and ourselves, but we don't.

The secret is that happiness will remain a secret for you if your head is where it shouldn't, which is the past, and you don't think about the present. If you are going to think about the past, let it be at least thinking about the good, but this involves a very intense cognitive effort because fighting against the negativity bias and rumination is complicated. But the truth is that if you do not let what has already happened, you will not stop suffering, an idea that is practically common sense but most mortals don't seem to be capable of Apply.

There are many studies that show that there are many behavioral strategies, cheap and affordable, that direct us towards a greater enjoyment of the life, more inner peace, more happiness and greater psychological well-being, such as regular exercise, meditation, mindful breathing and many plus.

For example, exercise is shown to release chemicals into our brains, the famous endorphins, which contribute to entering a state of physical and emotional well-being. But despite all this, the majority of the population still does not practice sports regularly. They know how good sport is for their health, and that they would surely feel better doing it, but they don't.

We have another case in the various forms of meditation. Although they are not a panacea, there are many studies that point to the benefits that the regular practice of this supposes for our mental health. type of techniques that, even, have been seen almost as effective as certain antidepressants to help the remission of symptoms depressive Meditation gives us calm and inner peace, but despite this, almost no one meditates or does yoga.

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Rumination, a classic

We have a classic example of that peculiar taste to suffer in rumination. This psychological phenomenon consists in that we focus our attention on something and we are not able to detach ourselves, as a general rule, from a negative idea or memory. The constant memory of that negative thought causes us stress and discomfort but, even though we consciously and rationally know that to feel better we should stop thinking about it, we are unable to cut our losses and stop the loop.

It is a quite paradoxical situation because, despite the fact that thought is something dynamic that changes constantly, as this phenomenon manifests itself, it becomes a static process, enclosed in an almost infinite.

An idea comes to mind, it causes us discomfort, we develop new thoughts associated with it, we rethink that idea and further aggravate the discomfort. Our thinking adopts an automated and repetitive pattern, making all the ideas that come to mind are related to the main problem idea.

Rumination is a clear example of a phenomenon that shows that we like to suffer because, with it, it is evident that we look for anything to remind ourselves of the thought that causes us discomfort. Consequently, Not only do we feel great discomfort caused by ourselves, but we also lose the ability to concentrate and it limits us enormously in our daily life in case of repeating itself several times throughout the day.

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Suffering makes us feel alive

Sometimes it happens that the reason why we like to suffer has more to do with the desire to feel alive. Masochism not only implies enjoying physical pain, but can also be extrapolated to the emotional level.

There are people who like to feel negative emotions, such as sadness or anger for the simple fact that this is preferable to feeling absolutely nothing.

If in your life you do not see anywhere the possibility of being happy, then you would rather be sad and feel that you are still alive than not feel anything like a vegetable.

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Suffering is effort

In the Western world we have a very widespread belief that to enjoy later it is necessary to suffer now. In English this idea even rhymes: “no pain, no gain” (no pain, no gains). The myth that to achieve everything in this life it is necessary to put a great sacrifice has led us to believe that it is even necessary to suffer in situations where it is not really necessary. It is the main message of the meritocracy: push yourself and you will get what you want, even if it hurts.

It often happens that there are times when we know that to achieve something at work or in our personal life we ​​do not need but we still do it to show the rest of the world how much we love what we love. we propose. We perceive suffering as effort And we believe that the more we try, the more we will deserve what we long for.

Proof of all this is enough to see it in a gym. Let's see, it is true that to show off a sculpted body like a Greek god it is necessary to invest hours and sacrifice part of our leisure, but what you see in the fitness clubs borders on the surreal, criticized even by the coaches themselves specialized. The temples of the cult of the body, those places where the maxim of "no pain, no gain" is their philosophy, we find people who do more than they really need to be in shape.

How? Well, for example, the classic of throwing the dumbbells to the ground with the maximum possible force to show how much weight they have lifted, doing the reps faster than necessary to build muscle, screaming at the top of your lungs demonstrating how “much” it took you to lift a barbell… that guy of things.

Suffering makes us the center of attention

It can also happen that in reality that suffering "we like" because it makes us become the center of attention. Many people who suffer from some kind of problem, physical or psychological, receive attention, samples of support, more love, or other reinforcers that make change, even if it is in your hands, less attractive.

Here is a reason why some of us are not interested in stopping suffering, because if we do so we may lose that care or, at least, the importance that we enjoy when we count our sorrows or show our suffering.

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A final thought

We like drama, we like to suffer, we like to be pitied, we like to feel strong emotions even if they hurt ... And sometimes we forget that life is very short, that we only have one to live and that if we don't enjoy it now, when?

It is true that suffering is an inevitable part of life, but we should not cling to it as if it were something fundamental in our existence. Remembering over and over the things that hurt us in the past prevents us from living in the present, a present that can be the key to enjoying a great future.