Why We Should Resolve Conflicts With Our Parents

This is one of the key themes in therapy and basically in all of our human relationships. And it is that numerous studies show that Our first human relationships, with whom we established our first bond in childhood, mark our way of relating to the world, with our peers, with the world of work and with our partners.

Our first relationships will be a map of our way of relating to the world. The security with which we grow, the autonomy and ego strength that we have, in addition to the personal resources that we develop, will be marked by these first relationships with the two figures that determine our existence (to which must be added the personal characteristics of each individual).

This is why on many occasions relationships with our parents are analyzed, since we tend to repeat a form of relationship as experienced with them, to repeat life cycles and relationship patterns. Idealization, overprotection, attention, management of our emotional world and coping with problems, external events that appear... All of this will be essential in our identity and fundamental in our future relationships.

Understanding and understanding this is necessary in order to make a change. If we do not realize it and we do not become aware of where we act from, it will be difficult for us to understand what is happening to us and take responsibility for ourselves, of our behavior, to be able to change and evolve it.

• Related article: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

The importance of knowing how to manage relationships with parents

On many occasions, become aware of how the relationship with our parents and the consequence of their actions has affected us can cause a lot of anger and pain.

Sometimes this anger can last for years and mark the relationship with them for a lifetime, but the understanding of their history, the circumstances of each one and the Compassion is what can help forgive and heal the relationship with our parents and therefore with ourselves, only then is when we can fully develop and live in peace.

Other times, loyalty makes it difficult to see past hurts clearly.. And sometimes the hurts and pain are so deep from past events that they never heal.

To know ourselves, we must understand where we come from and accept our parents. Physically we are composed of 50% of each one of them, and mentally and emotionally as well. To be in continuous conflict with any of them is to be in conflict with ourselves. Hence there is always an internal longing for reconciliation.

• You may be interested in: "Mediation or family therapy? Which to choose?"

Building bridges

When we stop acting unconsciously and childishly, when we accept and understand the past and reconcile with him, when our wounded inner child stops screaming and demanding others to cover our lacks and needs... we can go to our adult part, take responsibility for what is ours and realize that we ourselves can calm this inner part that needs to be soothed.

This is largely the accompaniment work that the psychological therapist does, helping the person to account of his hurts, to forgive and forgive himself and to help him grow, taking responsibility for his actions and his needs. To be at peace and in balance to be able to be in coherence between what we think, feel and do.

Reconciliation is with these parties internally. This does not mean meeting the expectations of our parents, or not put limits, but to become at peace, understanding from where we act and thanking the mere fact of giving ourselves life.

• Related article: "Family therapy: types and forms of application"

Putting ourselves in their place

In general, most parents always act believing that what they do is the best for their children, although sometimes they make a big mistake; their intention is usually positive looking for the good of their children.

Other times his own fears, his rigidity, his esteem and their own experiences have been able to affect the treatment they have given us; that is to say, our parents are also the result of the experiences lived in their childhood and with their parents. In their day they were also children and were determined by their experiences.

Ultimately, we are the result of our ancestors. So much so that on many occasions we are not aware of the introjects that we absorb from our family and that we consider that they are the usual in all other families, or we do not even question the origin of these beliefs.

For example, the fact that the grandparents of many families gave to eat so much and the obsession with food or always having a full pantry, often comes from the hunger that our grandparents and great-grandparents went through in the war, marking future generations and being an act of love to give food, because it was to give what was not I had.

In some families it is very important to study and culture, and this is how it is transmitted in the following generations, It is usually because a member could not study, had to work from an early age and experienced it as a great frustration.

In other families, its members are hardly affectionate and there are no expressions of love, often due to difficult childhood experiences of a parent, since it was common years ago to send them to boarding schools since they were small and they did not receive the necessary affection; therefore, later they did not know how to give this affection.

These are some examples of the beliefs and influences that we have in each family, due to the past experiences of our parents, grandparents, etc.

conclusion

We are the result of the experiences of our ancestors, and to know, understand their experiences and experiences is to know and accept ourselves to a large extent. It is the beginning to understand from where we act and take responsibility for our actions and the changes we can make, so as not to continue repeating patterns.