How to help your son or daughter to cope with the separation of the parents?

Separation is almost always an emotionally painful experience for people who end a relationship, although there is always exceptions and it may happen that it is seen as a release after a period of mutual discomfort and annoyance that in certain cases is celebrated even by both parties.

However, cases in which separation does not negatively affect the emotional state of young children, if any, are even less common. It almost always happens that children and adolescents who see their parents separate suffer quite psychologically for weeks and even several months. And if that experience is not well handled by the elderly, it can even lead to trauma in the little ones.

Therefore, here we will review several tips to know how to help your son or daughter cope with separation from their parents.

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What to do to help a child cope with the separation or divorce of her parents?

Although each person is a mute, there are some guidelines to follow that adults who are separated should have in mind as general recommendations to help your young children manage this situation. Let's see a summary of them.

1. Agree with your ex-partner as much as possible in relation to parenting

As far as possible, and as long as the separation has not occurred in a context of abuse, agree as soon as possible about the the way in which the visits to each of the parents will take place, the logistics of this process, and the parenting tasks that each one.

The well-being of the child cannot have less priority than the rest of matters related to the breakup or divorce, and therefore, it is important to give stability as soon as possible and not subject your upbringing to ups and downs, decisions unilateral (we insist: in case there is no abusive party) or changes of opinion sudden.

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2. Avoid exposing yourself to intense discussions

There are those who believe that it is good for children to see the quarrels that can arise between parents because they are a reflection of the real life and supposedly that helps children learn as soon as possible the good and bad aspects of relationships personal.

However, this belief, which is highly debatable (among other things because of the wide margin it leaves for making glaring errors depending on the intensity and nature of those discussions), it is especially wrong in the case of a divorce situation or separation.

Remember that It is that kind of specific experiences with a strong emotional and symbolic charge that the little one will associate with the experience of separation from the parents, so that those images and sensations will come to mind every time you remember that break.

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3. Make it clear that you are not to blame for anything

If the child internalizes the idea that all emotionally painful experiences related to separation are your fault, that will significantly harm your mental health and increase your risk of developing complicated trauma from overcome. Therefore, offer him an explanation about what happened that is adapted to his ability to understand because of his age and in which, above all, it is clear that the separation is not his fault.

And of course, it is important not to include in the explanation information that leads you to think that stress or physical and / or psychological wear and tear has deteriorated the quality of relationship between parents, since in such cases, the most common is that this is interpreted in the most pessimistic way possible by children and teenagers; at these early ages they still do not have the capacity of an adult to appreciate nuances and complexities in the mechanisms of cause and effectFurthermore, they frequently confuse the concept of fault with that of responsibility and with the objective causes of an unpleasant experience.

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4. Explain as soon as possible how the moments with their parents will be planned

Following the line of the first advice, to avoid going through a period of uncertainty that is too long, do your best to Make it clear to him, as quickly as possible, the way in which from that phase of the parents' break-up he will be able to spend time with each of them. (As long as there have been no dynamics of abuse and therefore you should stay away from those who can damage your physical or mental health).

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5. In case the situation overwhelms you, resort to the psychological assistance of professionals

If the challenge of facing up to raising your son or daughter overcomes you in a context of separation or divorce that is difficult to manage, seeks psychological assistance, either as counseling for parents, or through a process of therapy.

And if you detect worrisome symptoms in your son or daughter and it seems that the situation is damaging their mental health, it is important that you resort to child and adolescent therapy services as soon as possible. In the early years of life we ​​are especially vulnerable to potentially problematic experiences, and if professional help is not available, These can leave an emotional mark on the little ones capable of lasting for a long time and of generating problems for years or decades to come if it is not treated in therapy.

Of course, remember that psychologists give support and training plans and "emotional training" in everything related to raising children (if they have a specialty child-adolescent), the management of dysfunctional feelings and thoughts, and behavior patterns that constitute useful routines or habits or harmful. If the support you are looking for has to do with the legal system, go to a lawyer.

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Looking for the services of a team of psychologists?

If you are interested in having professional psychological support, please contact us.

On Cribecca Psychology we serve people of all ages, offering individual patient psychotherapy, family therapy and couples therapy, as well as neuropsychology services. You will find our psychology center in Seville, or instead of opting for face-to-face sessions, we can also hold online sessions by video call.