How to learn to listen in conversation in 5 steps

A good part of our day to day is based on communication. We could not have the quality of life standards that we have if it weren't for the fact that we live in society. However, sometimes we forget that we too have to contribute something to this formula. For communication to flow, it is important to learn to really listen.

After all, we all know how to stay still while the other talks, but get to participate really in a conversation requires the ability to stay active even when the other has the word.

In this article we will focus on reviewing different tips about how to learn to listen in conversations we have with friends, family and loved ones in general.

• Related article: "The 28 types of communication and their characteristics

Tips for learning to listen

Being good at listening to others is a virtue that is underrated in many ways. But if it is mastered, it makes us much more adept at making links with others. And let's remember that the quality and quantity of these links are something that defines our quality of life. Few people like to habitually deal with someone who ignores them while talking.

So, consider the following tips when applying them to the conversations in which you participate, even if in practice they are more like a monologue than a dialogue (There are times when a person needs to vent and be heard). Keep in mind that just reading these ideas is not enough; You must apply them to your day to day constantly to get used to them, and adapt them to the characteristics of your life.

1. Estimate the needs of the other person

To begin with, it is good to keep your attention on what the other person's non-verbal language and what he says between the lines tells us about the needs that move her to speak. Are you looking to be heard to explain an event that has had a strong emotional impact on you? Or do you just want to explain something so that we can use that information to do something?

Depending on these needs, our participation in the conversation should be more based on listening, or on listening and speaking.

• You may be interested: "How to give emotional support, in 6 steps"

2. Keep eye contact

Maintaining eye contact is one of the fundamental aspects of any face-to-face conversation. If this rule is not met, not only does it create a feeling of distance from the person with whom we are communicating; furthermore, even misunderstandings may appear and failure to interpret the thoughts and intentions of the other.

Therefore, even if you don't speak, look the other person in the eye. If for some reason this costs you, either because of shyness or lack of habit, just look in the direction of his face. If you do this, without obsessing over making eye contact, it will surely come out naturally and after a season using this technique you will no longer have to think about it.

3. Don't take it as a break

Listening is not less than speaking; it is just as or more important, in fact. So, do not take these moments as moments of rest in which you can do whatever you want. Because if you do, you will simply limit yourself to saying what you want to say and then disconnect, stop paying attention and dedicate yourself to fantasizing, mentally humming songs or remembering experiences. With a few occasions when the other person notices that you are not paying any attention to them, I may stop trying to talk to you.

4. Practice active listening

You don't just have to pay attention to what the other person tells you. Also, you have to let it be known that you are paying attention. In this way, the other person will have an incentive to speak as much as they want, without feeling alienated, and genuine communication will flow.

To do this, be sure to pace the conversation by nodding and clearly showing your reactions to what the other person is saying (with gestures or exclamations). You can also provide brief comments about what the other person is communicating, but without making them so long that they are an interruption. The idea is to complement each other's efforts to explain themselves with their own efforts when communicating what we think of what they are saying.

5. Ask the doubts that arise

A conversation is always something dynamic, largely improvised. So you too can help make it meaningful, even in the role of listener, by asking simple questions or asking for clarification.

In this way information omissions will be compensated in which our interlocutor may fall simply for not having planned what he was going to say, at the same time that he shows interest or even facilitates the appearance of moments in which doubts appear that no one had thought of before and that help to see the issue from another perspective.