10 keys to a healthy relationship between parents and teenage children

Adolescence is a somewhat turbulent stage both in the life of the adolescent and in that of her parents, and this stage of the Life is often associated with a series of conflicts and disagreements in the family context, typical of coexistence daily.

It is not surprising that this is so: in the mind and lifestyle of adolescents there are a series of psychological elements that generate "tensions" with frequency: the transition from childhood to adult roles, the search for one's identity, the step of looking at parents and mothers to focus on youthful references, the need to feel accepted by the group of adolescents and have a good time beyond the norms From home…

However, the fact of educating and caring for a teenage son or daughter does not have to amount to being exposed to a source of constant discussion.

Psychology professionals have spent decades studying the emotional, cognitive and behavioral phenomena that occur in adolescence both on a personal and social level and this has allowed us to develop useful strategies to improve the well-being of families and adolescents in particular. And beyond the context of family therapy and child-adolescent therapy (the most useful resources to address coexistence problems), this has allowed you to extract a series of

general principles and recommendations that can be applied at home by anyone with adolescent children.

• Related article: "The 3 stages of adolescence"

What are the main keys to a healthy relationship between parents and adolescent child?

To learn to treat the adolescent and build a positive relationship at all levels, as parents we must put into practice a series of behavioral guidelines, advice and specific education modalities and whose purpose is not to systematically repress or punish everything that is out of the “shoulds”. Here you will find them summarized.

1. Establishing a constant flow of communication

Almost any social relationship works positively when there is good communication between both parties, and in case of having a teenager We must pay special attention to adapting to his concerns and concerns without assuming that we know them for the simple fact of being his fathers.

Of course, in case we make him fear punishments or reprimands if he says what happens to him, It will be impossible to understand the reason for his behavior and we will be giving a blind blow. Therefore, speaking openly and honestly is the basic ingredient on which any parenting model must be based to be effective; everything else comes later.

Effective communication is based on the application of a series of essential communication skills, among which stand out, active listening, empathy, eye contact, negotiating ability, assertiveness and the use of humor.

In the same way, even if the adolescent does not communicate with us as well we should approach him and ask him about his status whenever we think something may happen to him or simply to check that everything works correctly. But these conversations do not have to be conducted as interrogations: we also have to contribute something, not just ask questions (teens value privacy more than children little ones)

• You may be interested in: "The 28 types of communication and their characteristics"

2. Respect your freedom

Adolescence is a stage in which the person needs to build her personality and begins to demand a series of freedoms of his own to carry out activities of his age that he did not do in the previous stage.

These new activities can be going out with friends, going to concerts or coming home later, and in each of them, the adolescent needs to know that her parents trust him and they grant you this much-needed new freedom if you show no signs that you are not ready to attend those events or that you are not able to behave in a way adequate. The limits always have to be properly explained by giving examples of specific behaviors on their part, although without using them as reproaches or personal attacks.

• Related article: "Respectful Parenting of Children: 6 Tips for Parents"

3. Respect their opinion

Anyone values ​​positively that their opinion is respected, and this is of greater importance during adulthood, when self-esteem is more fragile and the adolescent needs a positive external evaluation to develop his personality.

Although we may not agree with many of our adolescent's statements, it is necessary to be respectful at all times and make her see that her opinion is taken into account. Similarly, it is essential not invalidate your emotions so that you can express your discomfort when necessary and notice that this serves to receive help or support.

4. Privacy

Privacy is another of the essential demands that are the order of the day during adolescence and It is one of the essential requirements for the proper functioning of any relationship Social.

Ensure that the adolescent has his own space, such as her room, and not overly invade it, is one of the best ways to respect your privacy during this stage of development.

• You may be interested in: "Rebellious Teens: 6 Tips and Reflections for Parents in Trouble"

5. Share time together

Psychologists and adolescent specialists also recommend that building positive relationships with adolescents is of great importance spending time together regularly.

This can be done by scheduling a plan together that is satisfactory for both parties, reserving some time during the week to spend together or being interested in their hobbies and participating in them whenever possible.

6. Treat it with respect

Adolescents constantly feel the need to be treated like adults and to start living according to the demands, responsibilities and advantages of adulthood.

That is why, in addition to beginning to demand new obligations, it is also necessary to show that we take seriously their way of grief and making decisions, and it may even be helpful to have your participation in many activities.

7. Offer support at all times

As has been indicated, active listening is essential for the correct relationship with the adolescent, whether you want to share something with your parents or have a hard time doing it.

In the event of a problem that you should inform us about, it is important to make you understand that you have our full support, our respect, and that you will not be judged no matter what.

8. Don't overprotect

Some parents tend to overprotect their children from early childhood, an educational model that is not advisable at any stage of development, not even in adolescence.

We must be able to let our adolescent son go free so you can make your mistakes and thus learn from them throughout their growth.

• Related article: "Overprotected children: 6 educational mistakes that harm them"

9. Negotiate

As in any other stage of parenting, during adolescence it is of great importance establish rules and norms of behavior so that the person acquires a series of values ​​and essential guidelines.

However, it can also be positive to be able to negotiate some rule as long as it may be subject to change depending on the good behavior of the adolescent.

These types of negotiations can be carried out on issues such as the time to return home, the possibility of making a gift due to good grades, etc. Thus, young people not only have a richer and more varied system of incentives to behave well, but also learn to self-regulate their behavior to achieve medium and long-term goals.

10. Share your own experiences

Another essential key to maintaining a good relationship with adolescents is to share all kinds of personal information that can help them in their daily lives.

This personal information can be from both experiences and opinions, tastes, hobbies, anecdotes of the adolescence or advice of all kinds, shared knowledge that will help forge a positive relationship between parents and child Teen.