Insensitive people: what they are like and causes of their behavior

Not being able to tune in to other people's emotions is a characteristic trait of insensitive people. This is a characteristic that would explain why there are people who use harmful frankness to give their opinions, without realizing how their interlocutor is going to feel.

But there are all kinds of people unable to connect with the emotions of others, being for very different reasons. It is not possible to generalize and say that all insensitive people are "bad", because behind their way of being there may be a compelling explanation such as a psychological problem.

Let's tackle what are insensitive people, what are their main characteristics and what may have made them so.

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Insensitive people: what are they like and why?

When we talk about insensitive people, the first thing we think of is that they are individuals unable to identify and tune in to the emotions of others. They are perceived as people with bad intentions, who give little thought to how others will feel

and that they take a very selfish stance in everything they do, say and think.

While this definition may be true for some insensitive people, the truth is that not everyone can be put in the same boat. People are not the way they are because they are, but behind their behavior and attitudes there is some explanation, more or less legitimate, that justifies their way of being. Regardless of whether it's right or wrong to be insensitive, you can't think that all of them are just because they like to be.

Lack of interest and emotional coldness they can be the result of not having learned correctly how to pick up the emotions of others. It can also be the product of a hard life history, marked by traumatic experiences that have made the person afraid to tune into other people's feelings for fear of showing a vulnerability that in the past made her suffer so much. In other cases, it may be simply because emotional sensitivity has fallen asleep, bombarded by all kinds of violent images and painful news.

Not wanting to see, avoiding responsibilities and prioritizing one's well-being over that of others it is a form of insensitivity, motivated by selfishness and the inability to see beyond our own noses. This is precisely the most generalized idea of ​​how an insensitive person is, but not the only one. Being insensitive does not always imply being selfish, at least being aware of it. Each one is as it is, and there are differences even in the way of being an insensitive person.

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Characteristics of insensitive people

Giving some universal characteristics of insensitive people is a real challenge because, really, they are not all the same. Although the first thing we think of when talking about this type of person is that they are bad, unable to connect with others because of express desire, the truth is that the causes behind this insensitivity can explain, not justify, their way of being.

Be that as it may, as very general characteristics and that not all of them have to show, we have:

1. offensive assertiveness

Although not all, many insensitive people practice offensive assertiveness. They may not be aware of the damage they do, but their way of saying what they think, directly and without hesitation, causes harm to others. It should be said that there are also people of this type who are aware that their frankness is harmful, but they excuse themselves with the phrase "I don't keep quiet about anything".

An interesting study regarding this trait of insensitive people is that of David Watson and collaborators from the University of Notre Dame (2019). In this investigation it was concluded that there is a type of pathological extraversion that shows a very clear pattern of insensitivity, characterized precisely by not keeping quiet about things and being assertive in a harmful.

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2. instrumental empathy

insensitive people show a lack of affection in virtually any context, even with their inner circle.

Whether with family, friends or partner, the most malicious insensitive people apply what we would call instrumental empathy: they connect with the needs of others only when they interested. They empathize only when it helps them get something in return. This insensitive trait of some people is considered a sign of narcissistic personality disorder.

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3. They tend to tease and bully

People most unable to connect with others tend to use teasing and bullying. They do not identify with those in front of them and are not able to put themselves in the shoes of the other person, therefore they do not understand how the other person feels when she receives their ridicule, irony and sarcasm.

Bullying is a common behavior in insensitive people who only think about themselves.

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4. Lack of social responsibility

One of the ways in which emotional insensitivity is most manifested is in the lack of social responsibility. This means that it is unable to react to unfair situations, such as discrimination, manipulation or violence in any of the forms that these scourges take.

5. Low tolerance for different opinions

The most insensitive people are unable to tolerate opinions different from their own. Any perspective contrary to their own is interpreted as a threat, which makes it very difficult live with these people, and even have a simple conversation because it is almost inevitable to end up arguing.

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6. They don't think before they speak

A person with a minimum of empathy thinks about the words before saying them, more than anything to prevent them from hurting their interlocutor. This is not the case for insensitive people who do not realize that this is a fundamental step in any social interaction.

They rarely think about what they are going to say. They do not choose their words with the intention of not doing harm, being respectful or keeping a calm conversation. As we have mentioned, they tend to resort to harmful frankness, saying things without filtering them, regardless of how what they are going to say makes their interlocutor feel.

7. run away from emotional situations

This point may be the characteristic that most attracts our attention in insensitive people. Many of them have a low emotional awareness, not only with others but also with themselves.

Not only do they not connect with other people's emotions, but they also do not understand their own feelings.. This makes them feel uncomfortable in emotional situations. When they see a friend or family member having a hard time, they don't know how to react or what to do, so in the end they choose to run away.

Why is one insensitive to the suffering of others?

Most of the species of gregarious animals, which live in groups and whose life is strongly marked by social interactions, are endowed with the ability to become sensitive to the pain of their peers. Empathy and solidarity are fundamental aspects for the survival of these species, a product of evolution. Taking into account that the human being is also a social species, how is it possible that there are insensitive people?

There are several explanations for the fact that there are people capable of emotionally closing themselves off from others. It may simply be that you have a personality far from normal. In the same way that in nature there are lone wolves, separated from social life and little involved with their peers, in the human species there are people whose personality traits does lack of interest or ability to tune in to other people's emotions.

But it's not just a matter of personality. There may be very compelling causes that explain how an individual is tremendously insensitive to the emotions of others. Mental disorders, neurological pathologies, history of trauma, abuse, fear of being perceived as vulnerable socially and even the mere lack of experience in emotional situations can explain why a person is insensitive.

Added to this, this emotional numbness can be very circumstantial. While it is true that there are people who are cold walking ice floes, who do not connect with any person's emotion, others are depending on the situation. Stress, anxiety, uncertainty in an unknown situation... these and many more factors can make a person suddenly have the sensitivity of sandpaper.

And one cannot ignore the fact that, in a society where the media bombards us with all kinds of events toxic and violent, we have become insensitive and tolerant towards the misfortunes of other people, without harboring any evil in our inside. The more horror we see, the more we get used to it and our ability to get upset in the face of unfair situations goes numb.

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Possible causes of emotional numbness

It's easy to judge insensitive people as bad. We often brand them as unfriendly, cold and unemotional individuals, bad people who are not able to put themselves in other people's shoes. That may indeed be the case, but it is very difficult for a person to be insensitive without a compelling reason behind it. We must delve a little into the history of the person we consider insensitive, because it may be that they suffer from something or have experienced an event that predisposed them to behave in this way.

1. Alexithymia

Part of the world population presents a rare phenomenon that would explain its coldness in the treatment. Their emotional distance may be caused by a genetically significant condition called alexithymia, a problem that makes those who present it, despite experiencing emotions, are not able to demonstrate or demonstrate them. It is not that they are insensitive, it is that they have a hard time expressing their emotions and seeing them in others.

2. trauma history

People who have experienced a lot of emotional suffering are usually more empathetic and sensitive to the pain of others, although it can also happen that the opposite effect occurs. Emotional numbness may be a defense mechanism resulting from having a history of trauma.

In this case, the person is not able to tune into the emotions of others for fear that this will make him vulnerable and experience again the pain that he once felt.

3. affective inexperience

One of the causes of emotional numbness is simply never having experienced suffering. As the person has never really suffered, he is not able to understand the suffering of others or underestimate it. This would be the product of a clear lack of emotional experience.

These people are insensitive not because they are bad people, but because their capacity for empathy has not yet been developed due to not having had enough emotional experiences. show great affective ignorance, unable to sympathize with the suffering and happiness of others because, yes, it does not only apply to negative emotions. This will change the moment they acquire a little more skill in detecting the emotions of others.