How to help children control their sphincters

Sphincter control occurs when the behaviors of urinating and defecating cease to be a reflex behavior to become voluntary and automatic behavior. It is estimated that the average age to achieve sphincter control is between two and three years.

When these ages begin to approach and boys and girls still cannot control their sphincters, situations of tension are generally created in which caregivers begin to worry; what can cause more stress in the small ones and significantly hinder the process.

In this article we will review several tips that can be useful to help boys and girls control their sphincters.

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What is sphincter control?

Specifically sphincter control it is about dominating at will a muscle that has the shape of a ring and that closes or opens ducts in the body to allow us to dispose of some substances.

Getting to control the sphincters that are inside the anus and the urethra is one of the behaviors that allow us to socialize. It is also a process that involves many factors, among which is

the age, maturity, and development of the child, as well as environmental factors that can both favor the process and hinder it.

We say that a boy or girl has not acquired sphincter control when they are already a certain age or have had some social demands (such as going to school), and continues to wetting or staining clothes or using a diaper, during the day and/or during the night.

Why do some children achieve sphincter control earlier than others?

In principle, it must be remembered that although we have found certain patterns of behavior and child development, these guidelines are not definitive: there is great diversity in terms of the processes we go through as human beings.

In other words, it is completely normal for some boys or girls to achieve certain behaviors before others, and if we want to specifically favor sphincter control we must start by taking it with Calm down.

As we have seen, this is a process that depends on several things. Situations that produce tension, stress and anxiety are one of the important interfering factors. These stressful situations are generally strong changes, which can cause tension because young age it is difficult for children to recognize the rules of a new place and what is expected of them do.

Some examples of these changes are the arrival of a new sibling, starting a new school, the loss of a loved one and even a pet, among other similar events, and even parenting styles that tend to overprotection; although not all children react in the same way to any of these examples.

On the other hand, a boy or girl may take longer to control toilet training if they have a developmental condition that causes voluntary behaviors to be achieved at a different speed. Likewise, the process can be influenced by infections or muscle pressure.

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Tips to help children control their sphincters

There are many ways to promote it, and sometimes it is much better to consult directly with a specialist who can guide caregivers and accompany the stressful situations that the little ones may be going through. Some of the most common strategies are the ones that we review below:

1. Promote behaviors and habits related to self-care

In addition to being a behavior, sphincter control is a habit that means take a step from dependency to independence; which in turn is accompanied by other habits that also allow socialization (such as dressing alone, brushing teeth, showering, communicating, etc.).

Therefore, if we intend to stimulate sphincter control, it is also useful to encourage other habits related to independence and self-care.

2. Modeling and preparing space conditions

Modeling is one of the most popular strategies in cognitive-behavioral psychology and basically consists of serving as a model for another person, to help them acquire a behavior. In this way, the child must be taught how and where to urinate and defecate. We adults can do this directly, but we can also rely on teaching materials, such as stories.

Likewise, it is important to make sure that children have a space conditioned to their size, and put clothes on them that can be easily removed. From there it is useful to gradually invite them to sit on the potty at specific times (just after meals, when waking up or before going to sleep); as well as involve them in their own diaper change (eg asking them to pick up clean diapers, wipes, clothes, etc.)

• Related article: "Modeling: what is it and what are its types in Psychology?"

3. Do not press

It is necessary to keep in mind that boys and girls have different rhythms and that they assimilate situations in different ways. Conveying tranquility and calm is one of the most effective methods.

It is common that when the process begins there are periods of incontinence, in which it is necessary to avoid scolding them. In the same sense, we must bear in mind that they can first acquire daytime sphincter control, so we must be patient if the process is slower at night.

In the same way avoid comparisons such as "your brother controlled much earlier", or phrases like "you're a pissant", since this generates anguish and further delays the process. If what we want is for them to feel responsible for their own hygiene, it is not necessary to scold or punish them, we can do it in other ways.

For example, promoting self-care and self-responsibility by teaching them to wash a garment, or to deposit it themselves in the washing machine (or what corresponds according to the conditions or lifestyles of each who). In any case, be understanding, transmit confidence and accompany them.

4. Use a blog

Especially in the cases of children who for reasons of physiological development need more support to achieve sphincter control, it is very useful to keep a daily log where we write down the hours at which the boy or girl urinates and defecates.

Keeping this record daily and in the weeks prior to starting a special training program is very useful because it allows us to know the rhythms of the child, and in this way anticipate and accompany in the process.

5. Start a formal training program

In some cases it is necessary to carry out a formal training program, which can start by removing the child's diaper, and putting it on half an hour after they urinate or defecate (which is anticipated through the log that we explained above).

Then it's about keeping the diaper on for an hour or two, and taking it off again. This training requires above all a lot of patience and a lot of order on the part of the caregivers; especially if it is a child who has rhythms of learning or adaptive behaviors that are considerably different from the rhythms that we see in other children.

In this case, it is especially advisable to seek formal guidance, because the training varies according to the characteristics of the child and those who are in charge of caring for her.

6. Make sure kids have the basics

Before starting a training program and before inviting them to use the potty, it is important to know if they have basic body knowledge, that is, if they have acquired notions related to the body scheme (for example, above, below, in front, behind).

We must also favor the recognition of keywords such as toilet, diaper, dirty, clean, pee, urine, feces, urine, or those that are in their immediate context.

7. Help you recognize when you are achieving

It consists of the child associating voluntary behavior (sphincter control) with a pleasant and pleasant feeling. For this it is important to congratulate him or show him that we are happy and glad that he has managed to use the potty properly.

The reward may be different for each child, but in any case, it is important not to overdo it. Especially it is necessary to avoid that the boy or girl ends up associating the habit of going to the bathroom with material rewards (because they are rewards that we will surely not be able to sustain in the long term and that could generate other complications then).