The 3 types of escalation of violence in couple relationships

Partner violence is still a social scourge, especially that which is exercised in heterosexual relationships, carried out by men towards women. Of course, it is not the only one, but it is the majority.

This type of violence does not appear suddenly. There is a whole process that can be more or less long, ranging from subtle and socially accepted behaviors such as are micromachismos, going through psychological and physical violence and reaching the worst level, which is the murder.

Next we will see what they are types of escalation of intimate partner violence, highlighting the steps of the process and the phases of abusive relationships.

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How does the escalation of intimate partner violence usually occur?

Intimate partner violence is a social scourge that is still present in our society. Traditionally, violence is usually exercised by men towards their female partners in heterosexual relationships, although this does not mean that there is no intimate partner violence in homosexual relationships nor that some women exercise it, physically and psychologically, towards their boyfriends and husbands.

Whatever the case, intimate partner violence is not a sudden phenomenon. If it occurs, mistreatment does not occur in the form of physical aggression as soon as the relationship begins, but rather involves a whole process of progressive increase in violence. This escalation of violence in the couple is a constant increase in aggression, which is distributed throughout over time, repeating itself, becoming chronic, increasing in frequency and severity as the relationship keep going.

Talking about a unitary classification of the types of escalation of intimate partner violence is complex, since To begin with, many organizations specialized in this aspect have their own proposals when it comes to defining typologies. However, we can identify up to four steps through which aggressive behaviors ascend in heterosexual relationships, where the victim is usually the woman and it is relatively common for asymmetric attack dynamics to occur, with a clearly dominant party over the woman. other.

The first of the steps is very subtle, often still undervalued in today's society: micromachismos. These behaviors are considered the breeding ground for other more serious and intense forms of violence against women, being the first step that, after a while, turns into a whole not-subtle repertoire of contempt and aggression towards the females.

Micromachismos are difficult to detect without having knowledge of them, since many of them are socially accepted practices or “harmless” expressions. Some examples:

• The feminine as something negative (for example, using feminine adjectives to insult men).
• "You run like a girl."
• Pink for girls, blue (and pretty much any color) for boys.
• "Women who don't wax are sluts."

This first step does not necessarily have to become physical and psychological violence against women, but it contributes to it. Even the most allied feminist men have in their repertoire some other pejorative expression towards women, sometimes not being aware of the damage that the use of such expressions can cause to people of the female gender. It is for this reason that it is considered that one of the best ways to prevent ascending to the rest of the steps, those that imply forms of evident violence towards women, is raise awareness about micromachismos.

The next step is that of psychological violence. This enjoys greater awareness in general society, although not as much as physical violence itself. Offensive, unpleasant, disparaging comments towards the partner, psychological pressure, manipulation and other forms of verbal and psychological violence begin the process of lowering self-esteem of the woman and, consequently, an increase in her submission and fear towards the man.

This psychological violence comes at a time when it becomes physical, being the next step. Aggressions are more evident, in the form of slapping, hair grabbing, throwing objects, beatings... This is, on many occasions, the last step of the scale of violence in the couple, but other times the worst of the steps is reached: the violent death of the couple.

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The cycle of violence: the boiled frog

On many occasions, the escalation of violence in the couple is explained with the famous fable of the frog and the boiling water by French-Swiss writer and philosopher Olivier Clerc. The story is the following:

“If we put a frog in a pot of boiling water, the amphibian immediately jumps out and escapes. On the other hand, if we put a pot with cold water and throw the frog out, it stays there without worrying. Then, if we heat the water little by little, the frog does not react, because it adapts to the temperature until, without realizing it, it boils to death.”

The fable defines very well how violence usually occurs in the couple. It does not usually start with physical aggression just at the beginning of the relationship, but with a whole series of behaviors that, even from the inside, are seen as insignificant. Subsequently, the intensity of the aggressions increases, going from mere comments unpleasant even the beatings and insults, as we have commented with the description of the escalation in the previous section.

This is not to say that there aren't relationships where abuse begins with full-blown physical aggression. Nevertheless, to happen so suddenly going directly to physical aggression, there is more chance that the woman will report. If the violence occurs abruptly, help is sought immediately or, at the very least, the relationship is broken by the sudden discovery that it was not what was expected.

If the abuse occurs little by little, it is much more difficult to see the problem and ask for help because, on the one hand, the woman has normalized the situation, and on the other, her self-esteem is already has been so undervalued, having gone through the steps of micro-machismo and psychological violence, that he may even consider that he deserves those bad deals.

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The main types of escalation of intimate partner violence

More than types of escalations of intimate partner violence, we are going to focus on the cycle of violence itself in this type of relationship. This was proposed by the founder of the North American Institute of Domestic Violence Lenore Walker. With it, we can understand how violence is produced and, also, why it is maintained. The stages or escalations of the cycle of violence may vary in terms of their duration and frequency depending on the case, but the vast majority of cases where there is mistreatment coincide with the same:

1. Voltage accumulation phase

This phase of escalation is characterized by the unleashing of conflicts within the relationship. There are episodes of anger, discussions, accusations, contempt and hostile attitudes, especially towards women, which are repeated during this phase. Here, the woman tries to calm and please her partner, her man, and to do so, she avoids doing things that bother him.

This phase usually occurs when she already has her time and the step of micromachismos has been overcome. Here we are talking about psychological violence and the woman has already internalized the idea that if her male partner gets angry, it is surely her fault. Her self-esteem has been low enough for her to believe that the conflicts are her fault.

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2. Explosion phase of violence

Here physical violence breaks out, the nucleus of ill-treatment itself, although this is not should be understood as insults and humiliating comments are not part of the violence of gender. Nevertheless, this point is the one that most obviously shows that you are in an abusive relationship. Physical aggressions occur and psychological violence worsens.

Shaking, threats, blows, shoves... and other physical aggressions define the relationship. We cannot ignore sexual assaults either. Forcing a woman to have sex, no matter how close she is, is still a violation, an issue that has been gaining more and more sensitivity in recent years. This type of behavior is called partner rape.

It is at this stage that the victim may ask for help.. Outlining the whole process a lot, what follows can be one of the following three options. The ideal is that he denounces his partner, the relationship is broken and he is freed from ill-treatment; the usual one is that either he does not dare to file a complaint or regrets having done so and withdraws the complaint in the belief that the relationship will improve; and the worst of all is that his partner ends her life.

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3. honeymoon phase

If this phase occurs, it is key to trapping the woman in the relationship of violence. Through affective manipulation, the man prevents the relationship from coming to an end and gains the trust of the other. the victim reaching the point that, if he dared to file a complaint, he could withdraw it.

During this phase the man apologizes, promises that he will never happen again and makes all kinds of excuses. and, even, he uses psychological stratagems that manage to convince the woman that it was really her fault, that she ends up feeling responsible for the situation. After the man's apologies and apparent repentance, the woman is tricked into thinking that the situation will change and continues with the relationship.

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Concluding...

The phases that we have just seen are the ones that, seen from the outside, it would be easy to reach the conclusion that the behaviors that we see in them are violence in the couple. They are phases that come just after having climbed the step of micro-machismos and that of the most subtle psychological violence, such as demeaning or unpleasant comments about, for example, the woman's physical appearance or the way she cooks.

This is a cycle. The three phases explained here will be repeated over and over again until either the woman manages to get out of the relationship, either either on her own initiative or rescued from outside or, unfortunately, the relationship ends with her partner ending her lifetime. There comes a time when the honeymoon phase may well disappear, not happen at all, and violent episodes become the constant.

The normalization and minimization of violence, the shame of feeling that they have been responsible for the situation, the possible retaliation of their partner and the guilt prevents the victims from seeing and understanding the problem in which they are find. In case you do see it, they are afraid to take the step because of the consequences they believe or know they could entail. The woman should not be held responsible for the abuse or for not being able to leave the abusive relationship. The situation in which women find themselves and the difficulty involved in getting out of it are very serious and enormous.