How to talk to children about Russia's invasion of Ukraine

Unfortunately, Russia has invaded Ukraine. This military attack occupies hours of television, news in the press, it appears in our faces concern, in angry conversations, in teachers' dialogues, or in the various attempts to help or collaboration...

The way to resolve violent and lethal conflicts in which some human beings react, becomes visible in our day to day and therefore in the day to day of boys and girls. Definitely, surrounds the world of our children, so it is necessary to reflect on how to act and sustain the possible impact that it may generate on them.

• Related article: "Child therapy: what is it and what are its benefits"

How to explain the war in Ukraine to children?

Actually, the principle par excellence in all parents is to take the best possible care of our children, there is no doubt; this should honor us and it is very important to keep it present. But because for generations emotional education has been non-existent Since Psychology itself is a very recent discipline and has advanced since its errors, it is very easy for us to have confused ideas or even to consider emotional patterns that will not be healthy.

For this, we will see some tips to understand the child's world and to know how to accompany them and support them in this situation in an adaptive way that generates resilience from a secure attachment.

1. Explain to him what happens with a language adapted to his evolutionary stage

In this task as parents, it is extremely important to know that the child's brain is made up of interaction with its environment, so it comes phylogenetically prepared to absorb the reality that surrounds him. Children hear, see and feel everything around them. And what is more important, they will always give it a meaning, always.

If we do not accompany them in the construction of this meaning, they will understand what is happening from their unconformed child brain, that is, very superstitious and catastrophic explanations will be given about what is happening around them. These self-explanations will generate feelings of true dread or panic.

Faced with these feelings they will be scared and may hide them and not express them to the adult world so as not to be a burden, not to bother or to anticipate a possible rejection among others. That is, they will give it their own meaning and live it alone. If so, it is likely that after a while symptoms such as stomach pain, fear of going to school or regressions to previous developmental stages will appear.

How will we parents understand this? The answer is that we will hardly associate it with the impact of a pandemic or a war. We will think that the child did not even know and it will be extremely difficult for us to attribute a cause, to the stomach pain. Accompanying our children in the construction of the meaning of reality is therefore essential, much more so, when this reality is a reality that is difficult to assimilate.

Not talking about it doesn't mean they don't know; on the contrary, he assumes that they will give it their own infantile meaning and experience the resulting unpleasant emotions in solitude. If it generated a high impact and is repeated over time, secondary symptoms will most likely appear sooner or later.

Therefore, we help them to give meaning and we do it using a language appropriate to their age by previously preparing a simple narrative. and from the child's point of view. We always look them in the eye, we explain, calling things by his name, adapting it to his age, bluntly and without hesitation. go around a lot because going around too much confuses the message and increases the possible state of alarm in the child or little girl. We can, for example, depending on their age, tell them that something very sad and very ugly has happened called war where some adults harm others to get what they want.

2. don't lie to him

The brain is always listening to everything we say. Our language are direct messages to the child's brain that internalizes a way of seeing ourselves, of seeing the world and of seeing himself. If we lie to the child, his brain will draw the conclusion that we are not to be trusted., that she can't count on us. In the same way that in the adult world, if we discover that someone around us is lying to us, we begin to feel insecure before that person, the child will feel the same.

The child is exposed to the environment, and sooner or later he will discover what is happening and will know that we have lied to him. Attachment is not love, it is not affection, attachment is security. Above all, the child needs to feel that we are his security, that he can trust us, that we are a safe anchor to which he can tie himself without doubts, without misgivings, from absolute trust. Always tell him the truth adapted to his age, never tell him something that is not true.

• You may be interested: "The Theory of Attachment and the bond between parents and children"

3. He explains calmly and gives space to his reaction

It is important that we trust our intuition as parents, that we understand our child better than anyone else. And from there, be calm and listen to the child more than to ourselves, because our gaze will be the way he sees. The child's brain does not really listen so much to our words but instinctively observes our body, smell our skin, feel our breath, ultimately perceive from his brain structure whether or not he is in danger.

First of all, calm down and trust yourself so that your message reaches him from the prosody of the voice that cradles and rocks.

We say that children are not born with an instruction manual, but in reality they are the instruction manual. Listen to their reactions, give them space and open your eyes to their body language, their emotions, their words. Remember that if we are focused on our fear of doing well, fear will come to the child and you won't know what to attribute it to.

Look at him or her, you will discover that in one way or another he is showing you what he needs. Observe her needs and ask her if she has any questions or if there is anything else she would like to know. We speak slowly and always observing his reaction and accompanying.

4. Talk about the frequency, the place where it happened and emphasize that he or she and you are safe

It is important to highlight the place where the war conflict is taking place. You can use a map or depending on the age tell him that he is very far, very far.

Also highlight the frequency, explaining that although something like this can happen, however, it is very rare, very rare, that it happens, and that although in reality some person acts in this way, the majority of people, many, many people resolve conflicts from dialogue and from kindness and understanding of the other.

Remember to underline and make sure he understands that he or she and you you are safe.

5. Filter the news you are exposed to

We must remember and keep in mind that from our adult world it is very easy to forget that by our side childhood, eager for knowledge, constantly smells, listens and looks at the world from an extremely fragile and vulnerable brain that has no filter to understand.

For this reason, when raising a boy or a girl, we give it meaning, we filter the information that is exposes, we answer your questions and we do not offer more information that could generate an overexposure.

• You may be interested: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

6. Help me to collaborate

Finally, make sure that they can understand that there are many, many other people, the majority, trying to dialogue and solve this situation through dialogue and peace. That there are many, many people helping them come to an agreement and helping hurting people. Increases her sense of control by allowing him or her to also collaborate, from letters, messages, sending clothes, medicines.

Hug him and explain to him that the greatest and most powerful thing is always love, that you can send this love in a thousand ways in the form of drawings with messages from the depths of your heart to Russian and Ukrainian hearts and that this will give them strength and power, because all hearts speak the same language and because love is always the one that Expires.