How to generate active empathic listening?

Being social animals brings us many advantages, but it also brings its challenges. For example, in many cases, the problems of others become, even in part, our problems. For example, it often happens to us that complicated situations arise around us and those around us need us.

In cases like this it is essential to know how to act to be worthy of their trust and have assertive communication. We must free ourselves from all judgment and prejudice, generating a climate of openness and harmony.

Here is a short guide explaining what to do and what not to do to achieve good results and have strong links.

• Related article: "Empathy, much more than putting yourself in the place of the other"

Tips to promote active empathic listening

When someone comes to us with a complicated situation, a problem or the simple need to vent, we need to be able to listen actively, with openness.

What not to do?

What we should not do is the following.

1. try to give solutions

If the person just wants to vent, we should not encourage him to withdraw into himself and stop expressing himself, increasing his frustration.

2. Explain what we would do in their place

Each one solves problems from their way of being, thinking and acting; therefore, the responsibility to solve it is of each one, according to their own parameters. If that person follows our "instructions" and feels that the result is not adequate, he will hold us responsible.. If the achievement is what is expected, it will generate dependency and it will come to us every time a situation arises, and that will not help them solve it on their own or generate their own paths. Each one must do it from the feel of him.

• You may be interested: "Active listening: the key to communicate with others"

3. Talk about our own experience

Every situation is different, that is why the experience is personal and non-transferable. Each one must seek the solution from their own tools.

4. counterarguing

Each one has their own way of perceiving reality and of relating to reality, and it is from there that we must resolve each situation. Nor is it a competition. If what they tell us is compared to something that has happened to us, it is better at that moment thanAllow the other to express themselves without giving premature solutions or telling our story.

• Related article: "The 10 basic communication skills"

5. Judge

Let's not judge the other, in this way he will be honest with us and will place his trust.

6. Downplay or change the subject

Finally, let's avoid getting distracted from the story. Let's keep our attention up.

• Related article: "9 habits to emotionally connect with someone"

To do?

In the first instance it is important let talk without interruption, with an attentive attitude and holding the gaze.

is also key ask open questions, one at a time, so that the person expresses himself freely and extends the information he provides us.

On the other hand, we must put ourselves in the other's shoes, thinking that he would do that person from the way he thinks, feels and acts.
Let's avoid thinking about what we would do in his place, since that attitude hinders empathy. The essential thing is to understand the other's feelings and think about what that person would do.

If we listen assertively, we will make that person feel valued, understood and comforted, and surely come to us in another opportunity.

Empathizing consists of stopping hearing our own words and listening to the soul of the other.