Emotional independence: what it is, its benefits, and how to enhance it

Many people may be able to lead healthy lives by forming and maintaining personal relationships without necessarily being emotionally dependent on another person. However, there are those who have an almost pathological dependency need to feel cared for and accepted by others.

In this article we are going to deal with the issue of emotional independence and its difference with emotional dependence. We will also review various emotional independence tips to encourage it.

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What is emotional independence?

Emotional independence is the attitude by which an individual is relatively autonomous emotionally, that is, that can lead a free life, without depending on another person or someone else. It is important to point out that this concept of independence considers that the human being is social and that he needs the bond with others in order to achieve a healthy level of life. In addition, emotional independence is a very important aspect in the development of the person in favor of their development, growth and psychological and social maturity.

There are several benefits that we can have when we present emotional independence. Among the main ones stands out the fact that being emotionally independent allows us to have satisfactory interpersonal relationships with others, enjoy individual activities, have self-confidence to undertake projects and assume our responsibilities, have a emotional control of ourselves, not always needing others to make decisions, not needing someone else to feel good, etc.

In this way, providing attention to affective needs during childhood turns out to be important to contribute so that from a young age we are prepared to be emotionally independent when we reach adulthood. Boys and girls need models of healthy social and emotional interaction that seek to foster maturity socio-emotional so that they can relate to others while maintaining a balance between what they contribute and what they they receive. It is important for parents to promote self-confidence in their children, using a democratic parenting style giving upbringing that really helps in a good development of the minor which would benefit a correct development of emotional independence.

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What is emotional dependency?

The opposite of independence is dependency, understood as a behavioral pattern in which the person tends to experience a need for others to assume their responsibilities. These individuals present a fear of separation from the people on whom they depend emotionally, they find it difficult to make decisions on their own, they have difficulties in being able to express their disagreement with others for fear of being rejected, and they present discomfort at the idea of ​​being alone.

Dependence occurs when the individual has a series of affective demands that have not been covered and that you try to fill through another person, often the couple. Below are some causes of emotional dependence and its consequences.

It is very recurrent that emotional dependence occurs in individuals or people who have had emotional deficiencies during their childhood. These individuals act by clinging to certain people in order to have a love and care that have always longed for, trying to fill a void they always had regarding parental love or maternal. That clinging or attachment that emotionally dependent people make would become a defense mechanism to be able to deal with those absences that they have.

Emotional dependence can also occur in individuals or people who have had parents or caregivers who have been inordinately overprotective. That a father or mother is overprotective with his son or daughter favors that the boy or girl does not develop autonomously and independently, having unfavorable consequences in the future. Many individuals who present this type of excessive protection tend to become people who present emotional dependency.

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How to develop emotional independence?

Many people wonder if it is possible to achieve emotional independence and the answer is clear and precise: Yes. It is possible to be able to have a healthy life in our way of relating to others, in a respectful and sincere way, with maturity so as not to depend on or be hooked on another person. Let's see how to enhance emotional independence through these tips.

1. Learn to value ourselves

The main strategy to obtain emotional independence is start giving us the value we deserve. We should enjoy spending time alone with ourselves, just as we should enjoy the time we we can spend with other people without this really always being a need for which we have to to depend.

If we have ourselves and give ourselves the value we deserve, we would be helping to develop emotional independence.

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2. Maintain healthy relationships with others

It is essential to become aware of how healthy it is to establish healthy interpersonal relationships with others, without normalizing patterns of behavior based on dependency or romanticization of constant sacrifice without receiving anything in return or even despite suffering violations. In this way we will have a more harmonious and independent and balanced life with ourselves and with others.. Avoid falling into attachment because it should make us feel good to be alone with ourselves.

3. Confront and reform irrational beliefs

It is important to reform and confront the irrational way of interpreting the information that we sometimes tend to keep in front of others. We have to analyze whether or not that way of thinking really fits reality and not only to what we are fantasizing at that moment due to our emotions. It is essential for the development of emotional independence to promote more adaptive thoughts, adjusted to reality about ourselves and about our relationships with others.

There are several books written by different authors that can help us to reflect on the subject of emotional independence. These readings help people to first become aware of how important it is to promote independence. Very popular and recommended books are those of Walter Riso and Laura Gutman, who approach in a very This theme is interesting, helping us to know how beneficial we can be if we are emotionally independent.

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4. If necessary, go to psychotherapy

Going to therapy is the safest and most responsible way to promote our emotional independence and overcome emotional dependency. In this way we are going to favor an emotional independence that helps us to value ourselves, to be able to understand how build healthier interpersonal relationships without neglecting ourselves and giving ourselves the value that we really we deserve